SxPxDx Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hi all. I first the story here: We met up on 3/21/15 because I had a box of things that were hers and decided to give them back. Basically, the whole reason for the breakup was she said she felt like she was always taking care of me. Last round of moving out she gave me pots and pans. Stubborn me, deciding that she isn't going to take care of me, never used them and gave them back to her. Anyways, we chatted for a bit. Tried to keep things light, asking about each others' parents and work. She told me she plans on moving back to Indiana (we're in Florida) this year. She doesn't have a job or anything lined up yet, which makes me think she's running away. Small talk continues. She tells me "I hope you find someone that makes you happy. It just won't be me." which was a tough pill to swallow. Being a bit annoyed at that, I told her "I hope you do too. I hope you can break the cycle of being with someone for a couple years and then dropping them." I followed all the rules all the "get back with your ex now" websites recommend, I've watched all the videos on the subject, I even did some personal changes to fix the issue with myself because of the reasons she told we broke up. I failed a few times. I broke NC, and said some wrong things, and even pleaded with her. Hell, last time we met I even had written a letter and left it in the box for her to read. The letter was basically, "I'm trying everything to fix myself and you mean the entire world to me." Link to comment
Clinton Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 All you can do is move on. Go NC and heal. If they really want to reach out it won't stop them. But don't count on it. There is no method to get an ex back. The desire has to come from them and there's no way to create that. Link to comment
Dcgent Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 What are you asking for an opinion on? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You had numerous chances when you were together - after she expressed her feelings - but you chose to stay on the same path - expecting her to do everything around the house. I would have been fed up, too. Learn from this and be an active partner in your next relationship, as no one wants to feel like the maid or caretaker of their partner. Link to comment
Denguin Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Ouch. Well, I suppose that was the kick in the rear for both of you to close this door for good... Link to comment
chamachama Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 All you can do is move on. Go NC and heal. If they really want to reach out it won't stop them. But don't count on it. There is no method to get an ex back. The desire has to come from them and there's no way to create that. Couldn't have said it better myself brother. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Anyone else besides me actually thinking that she might have gotten "cold feet"? Seems to me everything was fine until he proposed. Shortly after that she starts to do everything to get out of the relationship to not get married. What if she used all these issues as an excuse to "let him down easy" and to make herself feel better? My ex didn't always empty the dishwasher either.... Link to comment
chamachama Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It doesn't really matter what the reasons were. The bottom line is that he needs to be strong and move on with his life and go NC for real. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hi, so at first upon reading this post here, this was my opinion - You're educating yourself on getting back with your ex and doing what you think you need to do to get her back, but you're forgetting one vital thing: She has a mind of her own and she has to choose you. She has made it abundantly clear she has no intention on getting back with you, and you have to respect her decision. Not doing so can put you into an ugly category, a semi-stalkerish category. HOWEVER...I would like to add that I read your previous post. Now I think I understand. I actually identify more with you than with her. I had an ex-boyfriend who criticized me for being too messy. I've been like that my whole life. This isn't to say I'm not trying to improve myself...I am. I've actually been kind of envious of people who keep their place neat because I wanted to be like them, so yeah, I'm working on it. At least you did your Sunday chores, which is great. You're not a bad person and neither is she...you just have different viewpoints on chores, etc. I am also wondering about the thing she said about not liking who she's become, being more cynical, etc. Did she imply (or say straight-out) that this change was because of you, because you are like that? I guess it's not important. I am sorry you are experiencing this. I am sure it's hard for you right now because you two were supposed to be married next month. So I get it. It's awful and I wish I could tell you different, but what it boils down to is that she has made it clear she's moving on with her life, and you must as well, for your own emotional health. I wish you luck. Link to comment
SxPxDx Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Yes she did flat out say that she has a sense of relief because she can run errands calmly and not have me gripe about dumb drivers or other meaningless things. Which she does have a point, but I was never beligerent. To me, it was just a moment that didn't matter and I never thought of again. Also, it seems as if everyone thinks Im a slob or think cleaning is woman's work. That simply is not the case. I would flat out forget, get sidetracked, or just procrastinate is all. Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Yes she did flat out say that she has a sense of relief because she can run errands calmly and not have me gripe about dumb drivers or other meaningless things. Which she does have a point, but I was never beligerent. To me, it was just a moment that didn't matter and I never thought of again. Also, it seems as if everyone thinks Im a slob or think cleaning is woman's work. That simply is not the case. I would flat out forget, get sidetracked, or just procrastinate is all. I know it doesn't seem like a lot to you, but it was for her. I find that one of the most frustrating things as a woman is to complain about the same thing over and over again with no result. You feel like you are being ignored. You can't just forget about things when your partner is making requests. Moving forward, you just have to focus on yourself and do better in your next relationship. Don't worry about getting your ex back, get yourself back. Prior to my last ex. I was dating someone who expected so much for me...cooking, cleaning etc... Unfortunately, he didn't reciprocate and I should of left him prior to dragging it out a year. I left him over a year ago and he keeps trying to win me back. I will never go back! Never. When a woman is fed up, that's it. Link to comment
saluk Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 What it really comes down to, is that the dynamic you had was not sustainable. It may have worked well for a time, but it reached it's limit. She just was the first one to really notice. It is a lot of work to change a dynamic that has been set when both parties are putting in the effort, and she just isn't interested in seeing that happen. She wants someone who already matches what she is really looking for, rather than someone who she is trying to change. You may be able to change, but chances are you wont be able to change enough for this relationship to work. That doesn't mean you are a horrible person or anything - a lot of the things she might want to change might actually be good things with someone else. Still, you probably have some things you can work on, but wouldn't you rather want to be with someone who wants you the way you already are, warts and all? People don't really leave unless being alone seems better to them than being with you. And the difficult times post-breakup are just going to make being alone feel even better. You have not been separated for very long, nor have you actually done NC, so I understand that you are still feeling the pain very strongly. It's hard, but your best path is to accept that this one is over. Let her block you on FB - you should not be seeing her posts anyway. It's better FOR YOU not to see them. You still have a life to live, and chasing down the past is not going to let you do that. Learn the lessons you can, shake your head at the things that will never make sense, and pick yourself up by the bootstraps every day as the attachment continues to fight for space in your mind. Realize that, just as it is silly that she "feels" like she couldn't rely on you any more; it is also silly for you to "feel" like she is the only one for you or the one that got away. These are the kinds of feelings that are not easy to explain. Cry on the days that you can't fight it, and celebrate the days that you have a victory in yourself, even the small ones. You have a lot to offer, and if she doesn't see it, it's worth waiting for the one who can. Link to comment
Doofus Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Listen, There are tons of men who will tell you what I'm about to tell you: You dodged a bullet, OP. If you two had married - heck, if you had had children - the nagging and everything else would have just gotten worse. There's an old joke about this: Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed" It's often attributed to Albert Einstein. Probably because it evinces a singular genius. You two were from different worlds, based on your other post. This didn't bother you but it did bother her. The positive spin on this is that she liked you so much that, for nearly three years, she was willing to overlook that. Anyway, somewhere out there is a woman who wants who you are, not the guy she thinks she can turn you into. Once you're feeling a little better, go out and find her. (Actually, I'm sure there are many many such women. Finding one won't be hard) Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.