How to be happier??

[prettycutie]

Lately I've been feeling so down. I'm sure many of you have read my posts on other forums but all in all I'm surprised I'm not in a depression. Some days I'm perfectly happy. Other days I sometimes lock myself in my room and cry for a reason or sometimes no reason for a couple hours. Sometimes I can't stand being around anyone or talking to them. I'm an only child, I recently got out of a lousy relationship, I've cut off a few selfish friends lately and my family lives clear accross the country, so I'm basically alone. Idk how to deal properly. I've always had school and work to keep me occupied but now that school is done it's weird to just work. I've never liked my body or weight and lately I've gained more than I like. I'm sure some is muscle because I've joined a gym but still. I'm just not happy with my life right now and my body/weight. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and this forum has definitely helped.

 

But I'd like to be happier. Every day I wake up and look in the mirror and ask myself, why me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I be "one of those girls" who has tons of boyfriends and has a huge social life and is happy? I'm the total opposite of that and it hurts. I know I should be happy but it is hard to find happiness currently.

 

I'm sure some of you have gone through or go through what I'm feeling now, how did you cope? Maybe Therapy? I was thinking of maybe going to see a therapist and talking things out. But idk if that would help me. Maybe some depression pills would help, on the lighter side. I know I should be happy but it's hard to feel happiness when I feel I'm at a halt in my life.

[prettycutie]

I'm not a fan of this "post-college/adjustment/being in about mid 20s change" in life

[steveasm]

sounds like you have reason to be very lonely, with no family or friends around. perhaps that relationship you cut off is causing you to feel sad also. you just want through a major change in your life, finishing school, and change breeds anxiety.

 

if you have the ability to see a therapist, go for it, it can only help you

[prettycutie]

True, but I also think a change of scenery would help. Yes I'd be alone but I'd have a reason to get myself out there and meet new people and such.

[catfeeder]

I'm surprised I'm not in a depression.

 

Who says you're not in a depression? Yes, I agree with your idea about seeing a therapist. Allow an expert to assess you and offer options.

 

Meanwhile, instead of facing yourself each day with a big emotional abstraction like 'why me?' try asking each day what kind of day you intend to have? Then make a decision.

 

Set small goals, then reward yourself for each step you take toward meeting those. You can find a pair of pants you want to fit back into, you can choose a language to learn or a hobby to pursue. You can create a list of things you'll want to learn or accomplish at work. You can make a point of sending small cards and things via regular mail to family and friends.

 

The most valuable change I've ever made is to the critical voice I ran in my own head. A coach at work told us that it takes 21 days to solidify any new habit, as that's how long it takes for new pathways to form in the brain. He said to write a list of habits to change and to tackle only one at a time to avoid glomming them all into a giant abstraction--nobody can resolve those.

 

Well, your 'why me?' is a big abstraction, so use paper and pencil to list the the current habits you want to keep and those you want to change. I'd add therapy to that list, and if you stumble on a therapist who doesn't seem helpful, fire that one and find a better one. You get to drive.

 

Speak to yourself as you would a best friend or lover, and your new voice will become your advocate and your coach instead of a critic.

 

Head high.

[chickadeedee]

If you are frequently crying for hours with no real reason, you are probably clinically depressed and do need to go to a doctor/therapist to get some help.

 

But this: 'why me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I be "one of those girls" who has tons of boyfriends and has a huge social life and is happy? I'm the total opposite of that and it hurts. I know I should be happy but it is hard to find happiness currently. '

 

that is about perspective and attitude. It never pays to compare yourself to other people. You will ALWAYS find someone better off than you, and someone worse off, but neither is really relevant. The real question is what are you doing to go out and get yourself what you want and need? You have to set goals and accomplish them and not sit around feeling sorry for yourself or comparing yourself to others. That's a waste of time. It also means you are not living in the present, rather in the past (mooning about the ex who is long gone) or in the future (wishing you had something you don't have). That's a very uncomfortable place to be, never living your life and playing the hand you've been dealt, or setting concrete goals to live in the present and actively work towards what you want.

 

So you have a clean slate today. A whole day to do something with. First thing you do is find yourself a therapist and see whether you could benefit from some anti-depressants and coaching by the therapist. Next, look at the things you are not happy with. Sit down and list them. Unhappy with your wieght? Do some research on diets and pick one that you think will work for you, go shopping for the food, and start on that diet tomorrow. Unhappy with your social life? Start researching new hobbies you could do to meet people, or sign up for some classes (cooking, rock climbing, who knows what, anything) and start getting out and meeting people. Do some volunteer work if you have time on your hands.

 

The universe is not going to drop everything you want into your lap. Sometimes you get lucky, and sometimes you don't, but the happiest people are those who set goals, make plans, take charge of their lives and work towards the things they want rather than being passive and envious of other people.

[Batya33]

I would get active. Make a schedule for yourself and stick to it. It should include at least 20-30 minutes of brisk walking outdoors if at all possible (bring music or something to listen to if needed) -if you can't go outdoors then use one of those DVDs like walk at home or if you can get one on youtube -anything that lasts at least 20-30 minutes and gets your heart rate up. The gym is fine also but getting outside and preferably in more of a park setting would be ideal IMO.

Schedule in a pity party of about 15 minutes where you do the whole "why me" abstraction - try to finish up in less than 15 minutes but you have to stop at 15 minutes.

Find a volunteer opportunity to commit to at least twice a month for an hour or so where you also have at least some interaction with people.

I also agree with what Catfeeder wrote.

[prettycutie]

You guys are the best, seriously. Your opinions I highly value and will take your opinions and put them to work. It'll take time but by doing these things, life will turn around for the better.

[Clarisse]

Another idea is to try a gratitude journal. Make a habit of jotting down 5 things you're thankful for. It may be challenging at first. Even if you can only think of one simple thing, that's ok. "I'm grateful for my warm fuzzy bathrobe. I am thankful for my cat". That's enough. I am a big believer in the law of attraction. What you put out into the world comes back to you - positive or negative. When you have express gratitude, the universe brings you more things to be grateful for, big and small.

 

I definitely agree with all the other ideas above. Gratitude is simply a supplement.

[Batya33]

Another idea is to try a gratitude journal. Make a habit of jotting down 5 things you're thankful for. It may be challenging at first. Even if you can only think of one simple thing, that's ok. "I'm grateful for my warm fuzzy bathrobe. I am thankful for my cat". That's enough. I am a big believer in the law of attraction. What you put out into the world comes back to you - positive or negative. When you have express gratitude, the universe brings you more things to be grateful for, big and small.

 

I definitely agree with all the other ideas above. Gratitude is simply a supplement.

 

I do that every night before I fall asleep but I don't write it down -has to be at least 3 things, no matter what and often it is the warm fuzzy bathrobe variety!