UPDATE....it CAN get better I promise

[Bones28]

Well, my girlfriend broke up with me about a little less than 2 monthes ago, and I posted the whole story a couple weeks ago on this forum. Just a little recap... we are both in college (2 different ones) and went through a rough stage where I wasent giving her the attention she deserved, didnt call or visit her and was basically being a big time jerk. She called me and sad she wanted some space and I turned around and said why not mke it permenant. After about 2 weeks I realized I was the one who was wrong and I really loved her with all my heart, but she said she found someone else who treated her better and went to school with her. Thats when I came to this forum like many broken-hearted people to try and find support / help getting her back. I cried for a good 2 weeks straight, then another 2 weeks on and off; having some good days and some break downs. I went to visit her and broke down after a little and ended up crying again and her saying we can't get back together.

 

The point I am getting to is that with time, friends, and activites, ANYONE CAN GET OVER THEIR EX. I wanted to marry this girl, but I realized the only way I can get her out of my head is to first abandon the fact that she is coming back. Once I was able to deal with that mentally, then I was able to work on healing myself. I worked out all the time, went on jogs during the day, surrounded myself with my friends, and am proud to say havent called her in a while. She is with her new boyfriend I can only assume and I know that I have changed myself so I don't this mistake with another girl and that I don't hurt myself again. I know I am having fun, and doing all the things I could not do when she was with me.

 

I still love her with all my heart and am not ready for another gf (that would not be fair to them) but can at least cope with the fact that my ex is gone and I have to move on...if it was meant to be it will all work out. And yes, I still shake when the phone rings, hoping its her, but have gotten better and can make it through the day without needing her and have finally given up on her.

 

My advice to people going through the beginning stages of their breakups is this: take it slow: allow yourself to cry a lot, it really helps. Allow yourself to understand what that other person meant to you. Then once you have cried all you can, go out for a jog or exercise. Get your heart going again, take a shower, and surround yourself with friends. They will be able to take your mind off your ex. And finally, dream. Dream of the next perfect girl that will make you smile like you used to and not do those annoying habits your ex did. Then go out and find them, they will not come to you.

 

Thank you to all the members here and all those who helped me out. I honestly dont know how i would have gotten through this without this forum to vent and hear other stories. I wish all of you a new strong heart and a will to get over all your problems. Thanks for all the support, and keep going after what you want.

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Hello Bones28

 

That's so sweet, thanks Bones. I wish you the best as well. Good luck sweetie .

[smiles314]

Congrats!! That's really great and I'm happy to hear it...

Unfortunately I have not reached that step yet and it's still driving me crazy but I'm glad to hear how well you are now...

[sisqo]

Damm i wish i was were you are now but i think ive got a long way to go thing is with my ex shes told me that we are gonna meet up in the future we made a promise to each other to do it and try and give it another go thing is shes with this other guy he says hes in love with her i just hope she dont fall for him and forget about me my mother seems to think that she will get bored with this guy shes with and in the end shes gonna be thinking bout me cross your fingers for me guys i need all the help i can get. Bones keep doing what your doing i know how hard it must of been for yea and your the person that gives me hope and like you know you must be a much stronger person now then you ever was before go do your thing bruv.

[Bones28]

I know how much you must love her man, but don't keep yourself waiting for that moment when she thinks she wants you back. You're too good for that. Be a little cocky..think of yourself as the f*****g man and that nobody can replace you. Once you are able to heal yourself then you will realize you need to move on and if she comes back then think about it, but not now, not when she is with someone else. My ex says she has another bf, but how can you start a new relationship withsomeone after 3 years with someone else? Keep strong man, I promise you will feel better.

[smiles314]

Hey guys!! I just wanted to say that you both sound too good and too strong for your ex's and that you do deserve to be treated a lot better.. I hope in time you both find your way too feeling all better again.

 

I'm in a similiar situation as you guys, except the roles are reversed and the girl got crushed by her bf not the other way around as in your cases. I guess I'm replying because often I get very confused. And maybe as guys you have some insight that can help me a lot. Basically, my bf of 6 months broke things off with me last yr bc we left college for the summer and both are in opposite ends of the same state so going from being with each other 24/7 to hardly just talking to each other every few days was hard and a transition. He thought we would make it through the summer, in fact he was more sure about it then i was. And after a month into summer he broke up with me out of no where..Never gave me a reason- just said i don't know and something just "cliqued." I can assure you that me and him were a very happy couple and he was as ahppy as I was and even invited me up to see him before teh breakup.

 

After the summer we were back at school for our next yr. Within time me adn my ex started talking again online and eventually we had long deep convos like we used to. The whole year he would say all these things to me, and come see me every once in awhile. But he was just soo back and forth with his feelings. saying he wanted to get back together, and then not. Saying he didn't want a gf bc he couldnt handle it, and he had too much stress.. What stress ? I didn't know.. Basically he loved to smoke pot and be with his friends..And he was going through this weird phase where he wanted me to just agree and go along with what he wanted without ever disagreeing on things..He just wanted everything to go smooth adn the mintue their was a bump in the road he ran - and he said i was a complication, not in those words exactly but was implying it. Anyway, he would be hot and cold with me.. And we still saw each other, and things would feel the same when we were together...A few wks b4 school ended again he finally said that he regretted everything he did to us, he was the one who was wrong and needed to change..and i was never a complication he was just making me into one. But didnt think it made sense to try anything again bc summer was coming up soon. Anywayz, now we are into summer and dont talk so much bc we are doing our own thing. He thinks that maybe we got together at the wrong time, or if its fate we will cross our paths again... I guess i just never knew if he was just saying this stuff.. Maybe its better to just pull out of his life completely.. It's difficult though because sometimes he just wants to talk to me real bad, and other times its just different.. I duno...

I guess i'm just confused!! Hope this wasn't too long to read..Thanks@!!

[Bones28]

Our situations are very similar in respect t the different college thing. I go to school in the northeast while she is in the mid-atlantic. It is a very hard situation. She said she put up with the long distance thing and it was too hard. Maybe it is too hard for him to do. She said the same things like if it was meant to be then it will be and stuff like that.

 

To get to the point, I think you should try and move on. I would never think I would be the one saying this but it is the only way to get over a situation. If he keeps swaying his opinion, then tell him to make up his mind because you two either need to patch things up or move on. Take some time away from him without calling and stuff like that, and see how he responds. Maybe he will come to the conclusion that he needs you.

 

Keep updating and I wish you the best of luck..breakups are not an easy thing to get through, but you have to keep working and healing. We're all going through the same thing and we all have our good and bad days..I know I have mine!