Having a bad day.

[leftinrain]

its been. Six months since my boyfriend of three years dumped me. I am still feeling angry and hurt about the way he treated me in the last nine to six months of the relationship. He was pulling away from me but kept stringing me along , telling me what I wanted to hear.. Then he would get very angry at me and fault me for feeling insecure or unsure of his feelings. He told me to trust him and trust in what we had. I tried very hard despite how I felt in my gut. Sure we had some good days over the last year but it got progressively more hurtful in how he treated me. After he dumped me,he continued to text me saying he was worried about me, then he'd get angry when I didn't text back and say hurtful things. He was the one who dumped me so I didn't understand that at all. I finally changed my number and blocked him from all social media. I don't miss him, don't want him back, but why? Why do I feel angry still? Why does the rejection still hurt so much? Is it normal to still be feeling this way?

[Coldarmy13]

He treated you poorly and broke up with you over your feelings.

 

Good for you for blocking him completely. He didn't deserve a response from you. He wasn't worried about you when you expressed your feelings.

[leftinrain]

Thank you coldarmy13 for pointing that out.

[Mari]

So I'm gonna try this with you and maybe it will help you out. I am a random internet person who has never met you or has deep knowledge of your relationship but here we go. Usually the honeymoon period lasts about 1-2 years. For some it's more and others it's less. In your case it may be that after 2 years and 3 months you two ran out of things to talk about. This is what keeps the relationship interesting in the beginning in that you don't know the other person entirely and there is something to talk about. So lets say that happened with you, you would then see him as pulling away. You would perceive his trying to continue a relationship with you after the honeymoon period as him stringing you along because he is not treating you the same but claims to feel the same.

 

Also, it seems from his perspective, your response of him not doing enough and him feeling that he's doing as much as he can may have angered him. It doesn't mean that he should treat you poorly but that's how he may be normally outside his honeymoon period.

 

Just because he broke up with you doesn't mean the emotions go away instantly. He would still care for what happens to you because you two were together for two years, and it is understandable that you would think if he truly cares that he should stay together. But you two may have issues that are not resolvable.

 

You may be angry because you may feel cheated. You may feel like he offered you something in the beginning that was not at all like who he was at the end. Which is true but all relationships do have a honeymoon period. The difference between a person in their honeymoon period and outside of it is how they treat others normally. For some this difference is big and others it's not as much. You can get into another relationship which will make you feel super special until you two run out of things to talk about. At that point you have to recognize that this is normal, and find a way to share each others hobbies and treat each other with priority. Hope this helps.

[leftinrain]

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. I understand the angle but I'm doubtful that was what happened. He was very clingy and needy in the beginning, almost suffocating at times. In the last months of the relationship, I felt like he was a very different person. Uncaring, cold at times , distancing, and avoidant. He was slowly detaching from me, but wouldn't admit to it or let me go. I wanted to believe him desperately but unfortunately it was the case. It was the most painful process to have someone I loved and believe to be the one , who used to be crazy about me, shut me out.

As far as issues that couldn't be resolved, if at was the case, he never discussed them with me, or included me in the process of whatever he was going through. I was left in the cold. If we had issues and tried to work on them as best we could , sure I'd buy that. Part of the problem is the only real conclusion I can come to is he had someone else. We spent an evening together three days before the breakup , were intimate, he said all kinds of wonderful things...then the next day he wAs cold. I was so used to it I didn't think much of it , but the next day he avoided me the entire day., even though he was home from work. By the third day he was still home and avoiding me. I was pleading for him to talk to me, and that's when he broke up with me, over text I might add. It was extremely hurtful and confusing. If that was the real him after the honeymoon, I really don't envy his next girlfriend.

[UnluckyLove]

I don't know how to answer your questions, but rejection hurts...A LOT. Sometimes it takes us a long time to get over that haunting feeling. Just know a lot of us are going through that same feeling of rejection and it sucks so bad.

[patterned]

He told me to trust him and trust in what we had. I tried very hard despite how I felt in my gut.

 

I wonder if you need to forgive yourself. You knew better. Recognize and honor those feelings. Regardless of his actions, you need peace with yourself for not listening to your body. It's not always clear especially when we want to trust someone. He invalidated those feelings in your gut and you opted to go with his words. That hurts. But it's not uncommon. Learn from it and feel validation in knowing your feelings are reliable.

[Mari]

... I was pleading for him to talk to me, and that's when he broke up with me, over text I might add. It was extremely hurtful and confusing. If that was the real him after the honeymoon, I really don't envy his next girlfriend.

 

Yeah, I think you know what you're talking about real well. He may very well have someone new that he's going to be crazy about for the next two years maybe. Sorry to hear that happened to you, on a positive note, there are normal guys out there too. Ones that do stick around and aren't looking for someone new. I hope you get one of those next Thanks for responding about your situation.

[leftinrain]

I wonder if you need to forgive yourself. You knew better. Recognize and honor those feelings. Regardless of his actions, you need peace with yourself for not listening to your body. It's not always clear especially when we want to trust someone. He invalidated those feelings in your gut and you opted to go with his words. That hurts. But it's not uncommon. Learn from it and feel validation in knowing your feelings are reliable.

That's something I hadn't thought of but could very well be. I guess it's a positive thing to know that my feelings were right. Perhaps the lesson is trust your feelings over and above anything else.