rov Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Yesterday I had a first date with a girl from my university, we went for coffee and spent 4 hours together. The conversation flowed smoothly and we talked about our lives, our likes, our families, music, sports, everything. I really liked this girl. At the end of the date I told her that we could see each other this next week and I told her when she was free and she told me that any day of the week except wednesday or thursday. So I told her that if she would like to go to a concert with me on tuesday and she told me she would get in contact with me because she was not sure if she had a concert that day. I was thinking in not texting her after a few days but I stopped playing games and texted a few hours later saying I had a great time and that I hop that she could come with me on tuesday and if she can't that we can see each other on the weekend. And she replies: Yeah, I ll tell you if I can go to the concert with you on tuesday, if my work schedule doesn't change I can't see you on the weekend. What confuses me is that she spent 4 hours with me and i thought we had a good time, then at the end of the date I told her when she was free to see each other again and she told me any day except wednesday or thursday and then when I set up a date for the concert on tuesday she acts kind of flakey saying she will get back in touch with me because she has a concert and she wasn't sure if it was on tuesday or wednesday and when I texted her saying I had a good time and that if she can't come on tuesday we could see each other on the weekend, when she replied she didn't mentioned anything about having a good time, she just said that she would get in touch to tell me if she can go on tuesday and that on the weekend she could not see me if her work schedule doesn't change when in the first place she told me she was free all days except wednesday and thursday. Whats the deal here or maybe she wasn't into me that much in the first place but why would she spend 4 hours with me. What should I do now, any tips?. thanks!! Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I think you're reading way too much into her response. If she didn't have a good time, she wouldn't have said you guys can hang out again the following week. And it sounds like she may have realized that Tuesday may not work after the fact, so is just saying she'll let you know. I would leave it at that and see what she says. Link to comment
rov Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 I think you're reading way too much into her response. If she didn't have a good time, she wouldn't have said you guys can hang out again the following week. And it sounds like she may have realized that Tuesday may not work after the fact, so is just saying she'll let you know. I would leave it at that and see what she says. Do you think I should have waited a day or more to text her after the first date and should I have waited 2 or more days before setting the second date instead of doing it at the end of the first date?. Would this make a difference or it is just stupid mind games?. What confused me is that she said that she was free all days except wednesday and thursday and when I tried to invite her to the concert she instantly says that she has to get back in touch because she also has a concert and she doesn't remember if it is on wednesday or tuesday, and when I offer that we could see on the weekend she says that if her work schedule doesn't change she can't see me. Did I did something wrong here?, did I seemed to clingy or too eager?. When she gets back in touch and if she says that she can't go with me on tuesday should I tell her when she will free so we can see each other?. thanks!! Link to comment
sweetcheeks1 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 We don't know exactly what's going on in this girl's life. She could be unsure about seeing you again, or she could have some other commitments and family issues that might get in the way of the next date. I think mind games when replying to messages are pointless. Just reply when you see it and when it's convenient, but don't send lots of texts and come over as desperate. Make sure she knows that you have other things to do and keep yourself busy. Link to comment
Bunney Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Wow. You seem overly invested and you are over-analyzing wayyyy too much, thinking about why she said this or that, blablabla. Girls sense this and it's an instant turn-off. She's just human too so she could easily have forgot that she may have something going on on Tuesday as well. OR she could be letting you down easy. Who knows? Obsessing over it just makes you look weak and insecure. I recently cut off contact with a guy that I went out on ONE date with. He was too eager for a 2nd date, kept pushing and pushing and it caused me to lose interest in the end (even tho after the date I was absolutely sure I wanted to see him again). I dont know why so many guys have to be like this, seems like I see this kind of behavior everywhere.. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 There are no hard and fast rules, but at the conclusion of the first date I think it's a good idea to gauge interest in a second. It could be something informal, like I had a great time and we should do this again, or something specific that you know she might enjoy doing. And, I usually message the day after and just tell them I had a good time, reference something we talked about, and see what they say. I don't think either are seeming too eager or clingy, you're just demonstrating interest and putting the ball in her court. And that's where I think you're reading too much into things. When she said she was free, she may not have remembered about Tuesday plans initially. And, she may have been splitting the week from the weekend, so free all days except really is M-F. The bottom line is you've expressed interest, you've offered a plan for meeting again, so it's just a matter of letting her come to you. It's up to her to get back to you. If she doesn't, then I think that means she's probably not interested. It happens. Link to comment
rov Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 If she doesn't get back to tell me if she comes to the concert or not, would it be a good idea to wait some days and contact her again or better leave it like that? Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 If she doesn't get back to tell me if she comes to the concert or not, would it be a good idea to wait some days and contact her again or better leave it like that? Well, it wouldn't hurt I guess to just wait a few days and ask how her week's going, something like that, but she's told you she'll let you know about Tuesday, so if you don't hear from her at all I doubt she's interested in pursuing anything. Link to comment
rov Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Well, it wouldn't hurt I guess to just wait a few days and ask how her week's going, something like that, but she's told you she'll let you know about Tuesday, so if you don't hear from her at all I doubt she's interested in pursuing anything. Exactly, if she doesn't reply to let me know about tuesday it means she is not interested. Her actions speak by themselves. But why would she spend 4 hours with me at the coffee if she was not interested? haha. thats confusing Link to comment
Andrina Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Spending 4 hours together is no guarantee that she had decided she wanted to go on any more dates with you. When I was single, I had long dates like this, with no further contact from the guy. People are psychologically complex, and it will often remain a mystery why they act as they do. I actually liked it when a guy suggested a date at the end of the first date. That way I wasn't left hanging whether or not he liked me. Maybe she wants to see you again, and maybe she doesn't. She knows you're interested, and if she is, she won't let the opportunity pass her by if she wants to see you again. The ball is now in her court, and I wouldn't contact her again. Let her make the next move. If she doesn't, fate has someone else in store for you. Link to comment
rov Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Spending 4 hours together is no guarantee that she had decided she wanted to go on any more dates with you. When I was single, I had long dates like this, with no further contact from the guy. People are psychologically complex, and it will often remain a mystery why they act as they do. I actually liked it when a guy suggested a date at the end of the first date. That way I wasn't left hanging whether or not he liked me. Maybe she wants to see you again, and maybe she doesn't. She knows you're interested, and if she is, she won't let the opportunity pass her by if she wants to see you again. The ball is now in her court, and I wouldn't contact her again. Let her make the next move. If she doesn't, fate has someone else in store for you. I also had been in dates with girls for about 3 or more hours and never saw or heard from them again. So Ill wait for her to contact me to confirm our tuesday date. I have two questions If she does contact me but tell me that she is busy on tuesday, would it be a good idea to ask her if she is free on another day so we can see each other? If she doesn't contact me would you contact her after waiting for about a week and ask her out again? Link to comment
Hopeful0904 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I think you're doing too much and showing too much interest her after only 1 date. It's great that you tried setting up a second date with her on Tuesday the day you knew she would be available but then to text "Okay well if not tuesday then we can set something up this weekend" is a bit much in my opinion. I think you should've waited for her response to see if she could make it Tuesday and if she couldn't of then i would be like "okay that's fine whenever you're available just let me know" ...something along those ljnes. You're coming off too eager and i can't speak for every girl but that's a major turn off for me. Just sit back and wait to see if she texts you about plans next, thats the only way to find out if she's really interested or not Link to comment
rov Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Guess what, she never contacted me to confirm if she will come to the concert tomorrow. So I guess she has no interest Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Exactly, if she doesn't reply to let me know about tuesday it means she is not interested. Her actions speak by themselves. But why would she spend 4 hours with me at the coffee if she was not interested? haha. thats confusing First things first. Chill. You are probably driving this woman nuts. Second. She spent four hours with you. So what? People are allowed to spend as long as they want with someone. It doesn't mean they are committed, obligated or interested. It means for those four hours she decided to spend them in that moment for reasons that are hers. Women can and will spend as long as they want with a man before rendering a verdict. The less you worry, the more likely the verdict will be positive. Link to comment
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