Me and my bf got into an argument now he's saying it's not the same

[ChenilleB]

Prior to this argument our relationship was great he treats me so good and we enjoy eachothers company. Yeah he has his stressors in his life and so do I but overall we make each other happy. We got into an argument about 3 days ago and I am going to say it was my fault. I approached something that was bothering me the wrong way.

 

I let my emotions get the best of me and wasn't so nice and bit disrespectful way to communicate. He ended up kicking me out of his place. Later that day he felt bad for doing that and I also felt bad for how my words didn't come out right. I deeply and genuinely apologized to him. I am still very sorry for coming off mean. He has been acting distant and cold towards me.

 

One minute he says we're good and let's move on from that yet the conversations we have are still distant. Yesterday I found myself apoligizing again and asking him why he's acting different. He said our relationship doesn't feel special anymore. It's a bummer and mind boggling how that argument changed the way he feels about me.

 

I told him maybe he deserves better. He told me not to say that and that he doesn't want to lose me. I no longer feel secure and at peace. I don't know what to do because I still feel like he's going to act different towards me.

[mhowe]

What was the argument about and what did you say?

[missmarple]

How long have you been together?

[ChenilleB]

It was about his roommate that just moved in a month ago. I was telling him how she's been getting a little too comfortable at his place and he needed to check her. I felt she wasn't being respectful enough to his home. But it came out wrong and he became silent so I got upset and started yelling at him a bit. I approached it wrong.

[ChenilleB]

We've been together for 3 months now

[Bunney]

I assume it's only been a few days since the argument? From my experience, while fights in a relationship (and friendship) CAN make things different and strange for a while, usually after about a week, max. 2 weeks the other person comes around and everything is back to normal. So just give it time. And dont start more arguments any time soon. You have realized where you went wrong, that is good so in the future you will use a more calm, rational approach toward him.

 

Dont worry too much and especially, leave him be for a while and dont keep asking if something's wrong etc. Just makes it worse.

He'll come around.

[mhowe]

Regardless of how you said it, it wasn't your business to say it at all.

 

It would appear that her presence has ignited your insecurity and what came out of your mouth established in his mind that perhaps you are not exactly who he thought you were. Since you have apologized, a d he's accepted it you need to give him time to chill and you need to examine how and why you did what you did.

[Bunney]

Oh, 3 months only. I guess you have not had arguments like this before, or that he hasn't seen you as angry as this before?

If so, then maybe he just now realized that there are also different sides to you, and that things aren't always rosy and sunshine.

[missmarple]

I'm not sure I understand what you meant by his roommate getting 'too comfortable'. Did you mean around him? Was this a jealousy scene?

[mhowe]

Is this the same guy who may have a baby on the way with another woman?

[ChenilleB]

Yes he did look at it as me being jealous and insecure. And to be quite honest I don't really feel comfortable with a female living there. That's the root of it. I know it's pretty childish. I shouldn't even worry because believe me I know he has no interest in her.

[ChenilleB]

Yeah I was thinking of just giving it time. I don't want to break up over this.

[ChenilleB]

Yes this is the same guy who has that possibility!

[missmarple]

Yes he did look at it as me being jealous and insecure. And to be quite honest I don't really feel comfortable with a female living there. That's the root of it. I know it's pretty childish. I shouldn't even worry because believe me I know he has no interest in her.

 

Well, you are either certain that he's not interested in her..or you're not. Although, to be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable if my bf had a female roommate unless she had already been his roommate when I met him. I don't think it's childish.

Have you told him you don't feel comfortable with the situation and what was his response?

[ChenilleB]

He told me he never wants me to feel uncomfortable. He also reassured me that she's just a roommate she pays her rent and goes about her business.

[catfeeder]

He told me he never wants me to feel uncomfortable. He also reassured me that she's just a roommate she pays her rent and goes about her business.

 

Well, you've said your apology, twice, and should go about your own business without picking at that. Allow time to work it's magic, and if that includes some distance, this should teach you that clinging is what caused the problem in the first place--so allow the distance.

 

Either the relationship has the legs to withstand an argument and return to a loving place eventually, or it doesn't. Forcing it will only deprive you of that information, even as it further harms the relationship.

 

Head high.

[ChenilleB]

Well, you've said your apology, twice, and should go about your own business without picking at that. Allow time to work it's magic, and if that includes some distance, this should teach you that clinging is what caused the problem in the first place--so allow the distance.

 

Either the relationship has the legs to withstand an argument and return to a loving place eventually, or it doesn't. Forcing it will only deprive you of that information, even as it further harms the relationship.

 

Head high.

 

That's a wonderful way to put it. Thank you.