is this my fault?

[troubled2]

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, we have a beautiful 11 month old son together and another one on the way. Im a FTM and he has a stable yet very physically demanding job. Works from 4am until whenever he gets done.(hours are never the same). We recently moved into our own house and it seems like ever since we moved hes becoming more and more distant. He use to come home, eat dinner, talk to me, play with our son, help with his bath, read him a bedtime story, put him to bed then we'd talk or watch a movie before going to bed ourselves but now he comes home, eats then goes to play his xbox. Weekends use to be "family time" now all they are is my son and I playing on the floor, me doing my daily mom\housewife duties and my fiancé playing hix xbox all night and all day. He ingores us and we have another baby coming in june. I dont know what to do. Ive tried talking to him but he never wants to talk, all he does is say "fine, whatever" and goes back to his xbox. Help!?! Is it something I did?

[SpottiOtti]

Like literally he just says "Fine, whatever" and then walks away from the discussion?

 

I wouldn't marry him if he isn't willing to communicate.

[jimthzz]

I think you ought to ask him what is bugging him?

 

Sounds like the pressure of having two kids is hitting him

[troubled2]

Yeah, he litteraly says "fine, whatever" and walks away. Saturday I made him his favorite breakfest, let him sleep and extranhour after the baby woke up, got him coffee and all he would talk about is his game.

im considering not marrying him. Which is sad becuase he wasnt always like this.

 

ive tried asking him whats going on with him. I asked if work was going okay, if the pressure of being the only one working was getting to him, asked him the idea of having to 2 kids was to much and he said no to every question the only thing I can think of is hes bummed that were not having a girl. .

[mhowe]

That isn't likely it. It could be the financial responsibility of having 2 kids and all that entails.

[Ms Darcy]

It kind of sounds like everything is happening really fast. It sounds like you got pregnant basically right after you started dating so he became daddy before really figuring out if he was ready for marriage/family. I think he might be having doubts.

[troubled2]

Your right, it did happen really fast. We were only together for a month before I got pregnant(doctors told me id never have kids so we werent being careful) but I always told him that he didnt have to stay. I had a great job that could have supported a baby he knew that. Instead he asked me to marry him. I originally told him no 3 times but he was persistent so I finally said yes. He told me before we found out about baby #1 that he wanted to be married and have kids by the time he was 21, he was 29 at the time. Before #2 I miscarried triplets and it was his idea to try for another baby. I dont maybe you guys are right and he wasnt ready when he thought he was.

[LoveSoDeep]

At a certain point you have to just turn off the game and tell him to man up for your son's sake. It's not fair to your son that his dad isn't spending quality time with him anymore. It's okay to go through rough patches and need a couple days to do your own thing and recoup....but if he's retreating to his xbox every waking moment and ignoring his son and you then he's being selfish and not being a good father. Besides that you're what 6 months pregnant? He should be helping you give your son a bath and all that. At some point you have to tell him point blank that you are not okay with his behavior....if you don;t tell him what do you expect to happen?

[Ms Darcy]

I'm very sorry about the miscarriage. It does sound like a lot is going on and he's distancing himself. No matter what, don't have any more kids with him and start prepping for a plan b if this relationship doesn't work out (into a stable marriage).

[troubled2]

Lovessodeep, I have told him many, many times that im not okay with this, it gets me nowhere.

Its so sad to because his son loves him so much. All day I hear "dad, where's dad?" "Mamas, wheres daddy" they had the most special relationship and now its like he hardly exists.

Mrs Darcy thank you for your condolence. We dont want anymore kids after this one. As for him withdrawing from everything because of everything thats happened and so fast it still makes me feel like crap. Okay so he gets a break, when do I? Im dealing with it all too.

[bulletproof]

Is he addicted to his xbox? It sure sounds like it. It sounds like he's using it as an escape, not as a once-in-a-while game for enjoyment.

Maybe you have to ask him to cut down on his playing. It would be a lot less vague than asking him if something is wrong all the time.

[SophieGrace]

I think bulletproof makes a good suggestion. Have you told him what you want and need and what that will provide for you?

[troubled2]

As long as what I ask from him is money, hes fine but if I ask for anything else its a fight. Sunday he actually got a little physical, nothing bad, he didnt hit me or anything. Yes, hes probably addicted to his xbox andmove troed tellimg him this is what I need ect it gets me nowhere.

[ForestofDreams]

I just answered your recent post on this but found this thread a little disturbing. He shouldn't be getting physical at all even if it wasn't "that bad". He needs to know that no matter how bad the problem he can't ever do that. Whether your pregnant or not. Also if you have a son he can't be around that... Has he ever become physical towards you before? Or just recently?

[troubled2]

It was the first time and our son was in bed. We were fighting because of his issues again he was gunna go to bed and wanted a kiss but I wouldn't kiss him so he grabbed my face. I pulled away and yelled "you cannot touch me like that!" And he backed off and went to bed. He slept in our room, I slept on the couch.