....Ive got a good girl...PART 2

[aries]

So i posted a few weeks back about haveing a great girl but there just isnt any sexual chemistry there. I love her ...and i know she loves me to death. She would do anything for me. So i finally told her that I wasnt happy......and i felt something was lacking. I did my best top be honest without saying anyting that would hurt her. We decided to speak more when we saw each other in person...this weekend.....but she is now acting like everything is OK. My problem is that I am sort of scared. Scared of being alone....what if i dont find what i am looking for......what if she will be the best thing that I can ever come accross. She is the greatest girlfriend ever...but not a sexual person at all....i am. My friends tell me to cut it off cause i have been saying that i havent been completely fullfilled for a long time. And it is true. i just seem to not be able to bring myself to do it. I am over the whole bar/club scene..and dont want to have to concentrate on going to these places to meet anyone. I am just so confused. if i break up with her....i will literally be losing my best friend. it will be such a huge life adjustment for me as we usually hang out wiht her friends......I dont have many....and we spent alot of time together. I dont know what to do.....somebody help.

I feel that if i break up with her......i will be the one being dumped.

 

( I welcome anyone's advice..male or female...mature thoughts only please. has anyone else been in this type of situation? )

[jabean]

Is it that you are bored with your sex life, or that it has never been any good? There are a lot of books out there that might help. The two of you should talk about this directly. Tell her what you want. See if she is willing to try something new. Sex is not everything, but it is something important. You need to have a satisfying sex life with your partner. I was with someone for three years, and honestly the sex sucked. I tried to suggest doing different things, and some he actually tried. But in the long run, we just couldn't find a groove together. Maybe the two of you can. It's worth a shot.

[sankin]

Okay first thing is dont break up, sextual contact and such things like that are made for love not just as like a hobbie like your making it sound. Forget sex just be with her, you love her right, If so forget sex, when you two are ready and willing with each other you will make love to each other(and I'm sure if your listening to me that it will be the best you have ever had)and while theres no love making then just love her. If you are interested in what I'm, saying and want to know more than PM me or wait until someone else posts, though I'm sure that everyone will say the same thing.

[iamwhoiam]

i have not gone through a situation like this myself, but i know someone personally who is.

 

he, like you, is a very sexual guy. he has been with his girlfriend for 5 years now-living with her for 2+ years. he adores her, loves her and would do anything for her. she treats him like gold and would do anything for him. he knows he has a wonderful girl, which has made his situation that much more difficult.

 

like you, he has contemplated breaking it off with her on more than one occasion throughout the past 2 years. needless to say, whenever the time does come, he cannot muster the courage to actually go through with it. he is too afraid that if he loses her, he won't find someone else who loves him as unconditionally as she.

 

but i have to tell you, he is not a happy person. the term he uses to describe his life? "blah." they haven't had sex in nearly 9 months, mainly because she has a very low sex drive. he has put up with this for so long, in hopes that she'll come around. but i think we all know, people just don't change. they are like best friends and roomates who share a bed.

 

everyone wants and needs different things in life. he has it all, but, like you, is lacking the one thing he truly desires-sexual intimacy with the girl he loves. on one regard, i applaud him for trying to make it work; but on the other, i feel he shouldn't continue being miserable.

 

i honestly don't know what the outcome of my friend's situation will be. but, personally, i feel that sexual intimacy is one very significant aspect of a deep and loving relationship with another. surely it isn't all that matters, but it is one component and one way in which two people can express how much they truly care for each other.

 

before you call it quits, though, i have a few questions...

 

you have been completely honest with her, which is good. does she understand WHY you are frustrated? does she understand you would love to share more intimate moments with her? have you tried romantic gestures to get her in the mood? foreplay? how well do the two of you communicate?

 

i am just wondering what you have done up until now to try and work this out. it is obvious that you love her very much.

 

t

[Raptor]

First off I have never been in your situtation, but I have been in a situation where I've gotten broken up with for reasons that till this day I still don't understand. Things were going great and BAM they were over.

 

Don't break-up with her over this. Talk to her about it....let her know you would like to get intimate with her. Tell her as part of your relationship to work you need to get more romantically involved. If things still dont change in the course of say a month.....then you will have to make the choice.

[Day_Walker]

It seems that you already know the decision that you want to make concerning this issue. Your friends seem to be telling you one thing and you have a different answer to your problem. You need to ask yourself are you affraid of being alone or not being around this girl anymore. My concern is that you say that you arent happy with the way things currently are, if you are willing to put up with this kind of behavior for the rest of your relationship with this girl then you should stay and quit complaining. You do need to decide what you want because being indecisive isnt going to get you anywhere.

[aries]

For those that are looking for more back ground info on my relationship..please read this post:

 

link removed

 

IMPORTANT update. We've broken up Even though i have been thinking about his for a long time.......im still destroyed by it. I miss her ....I've literally lost my best friend. deep down i do care about her soo much..she is pretty and very loving. I have never had so much love given to me........but i keep thinking there is someone better for her out there. Someone who can give her the world and the love she deserves. I just dont understand what my problem is. At first i thought it was the romantic connection that was lacking...and thereby spreading like a virus to the rest of our relationship. When i say that ....i mean that I think i may have started to resent her because of the lacking sexual connection. She's very tame and i'm wilder and a little kinky(nothing major). Anyway now i am thinking maybe it was more than all that the entire time. Someone once told me I cant love anyone until i truley love myself. Could this be true?

 

I am very sad......Maybe we will speak soon. I am unsure if contact would be a good thing.....or am i looking for that out of habit. I dont know if i should just let her move on. I know she loves me with all her heart.......and this wont be easy for her. I am completely confused. THIS SUCKS.