What a feeling...completely and totally over him

[boltnrun]

My ex started contacting me recently after being broken up for over 13 years! At the time of the breakup I was absolutely devastated. I cried for weeks, couldn't go to work, I dropped the kids off at school and returned home to my bed where I'd pull the covers over my head. I declared to anyone who would listen that this guy was "the love of my life" and that I would "love him for the rest of my life!!!!!" Well guess what...he wasn't and I didn't.

 

When I first ran into him again a few months ago I felt absolutely nothing. It almost upset me because I thought, this guy used to be my entire existence (other than my kids of course) and now if I never saw him again I wouldn't even care. I did sleep with him one time only because I do not and will not ever have those feelings again (and to be honest, I'm not sure if I'll bother doing it again...it really wasn't that great lol!). In fact, I have feelings for someone else (who I can't get a read on at all) and if the guy I have feelings for asked me out the ex would be cut out of my life so fast my head would spin.

 

The ex has a number of annoying qualities (always thinks he's right, is delusional regarding future plans for a new business, etc., is extremely unaware of how others perceive him, talks non-stop about a topic I could care less about and always changes the subject back to that topic even if I try to talk about something else), but while I was with him I was so infatuated that I overlooked those qualities just so I could be with him. Now, I tell him he's being annoying! I even told him to shut the f up several times, which I would NEVER have done when we were dating.

 

My point is, I know there are many people who are going through a fresh breakup, who are convinced they will be miserable forever and the only cure is to convince the other person to get back together. They are convinced they will always and forever be in love with the other person and that it will be that way for the rest of their lives. My message is, you CAN get over a breakup, even a devastating one. Time really does heal. If anyone had asked me if I would feel this way about my ex 13 years ago I would have told them they were crazy. But it's not crazy. It's true because it happened.

 

Forever is a long time. Give yourselves a break, grieve when you need to, cry when you need to, and accept that you'll be in pain, possibly for a while. But there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Betteralready]

This is great!

[boltnrun]

I hung out with him again last night. And I couldn't get away from him fast enough. I found him annoying, judgmental and irritating. As for sex? No way, I didn't want it and thankfully he didn't try. He wanted me to spend the night but I did NOT want to, so I left. I'm not planning to hang out with him again. Seriously, I was almost repulsed.

 

Ironic that I cried over this guy for two months when he broke up with me and now that I could potentially have a chance to reconcile I don't even care to spend 5 minutes with him.

[bionicgt]

so that means I will be clinging onto someone for that many years

[boltnrun]

I'm not sure what you mean bionicgt, but I have not been "clinging onto" him all this time. I hardly gave him a thought after the initial few months of crying and feeling awful. I went on to have two other relationships after him. And he was not "clinging onto" me either...he actually got married and had kids in the years since our relationship ended.

 

We only happened to run into each other a few months ago, and it happened that we were both single. Hence the decision to "hang out". And I can tell you that I am definitely not "clinging onto" him now. I don't think I'll ever want to spend time with him again. No feelings there at all and I find him to be a pompous bore