bionicgt

sAMUEL, I know that you'r already moved on and a month after breaking up with me you're already "had one of the best nites ever" of your life and flirting with this new guy at your job. I just wanna say it breaks my sould, I just miss you so much Samuel. I miss you a lot, I've been tempted to call you, or message you and I'm only someone you "spent a year with".... you know how that hurts and makes me feel so miserable. I miss you so much Samuel. Regardless of how much we hurt each other, I miss you and I wanna cry now... a month, 1 month almost on Thursday, we'll be 1 month separated. Time flies... I miss you so much Samuel. I wanna cry

I have been telling myself, you'll find someone that you will love more than you loved Samuel, and they'll pay you back, adn I'm sorry for all the flaws I have, but I'm only human, and that's the most horrible thing I have had in my entire life, I feel trapped in this love that I feel for you and I don't know when this will stop, it's been almost 4 weeks since you dumped me and told me you needed more experiences without me being your pain the buttt... but please, when will this stop? do you miss me? do you want me back and are afraid that we won't make it work OR that you would rather try out other guys and see if you like them more than you ever liked me? Samuel, I'm dying here, I don't know how to take this off my chest, I've been crying non stop, telling myself that I'm only a human being in this huge world of 6 billion people, and all of them tell me why I'm crying over you? Because, I wanted to do my life with you Samuel. I can't resist this pain anymore, I'm really really sad and I can't handle this pain no more

I know I wrote yesterday, but here’s my full empty letter that I really wanted to express Sam: The day before yesterday i wrote a long, huge letter to you, telling you how much I suck, telling you how much I feel bad that you left me, telling you how sad and how beautiful and perfect you are, that your smile and your eyes are the reason why I wanted to wake up to every day, waking up next to you every day of my life until we were old enough and had come to breathe and go back in time and feel like we did a million things together, and even if it’s just an illusion, i still wanted a lot more time with you, to make you feel refreshed, and for you to feel like I was there like a friend, and a partner in life. But i will never send you that letter. EVER. I know I did millions of mistakes, I was super jealous, I was controlling at some point, I digged and digged and bugged you everyday, and for that I accept that I regret it. I am the#1 person in the world who says THAT’S HORRIBLE. How could I bug you and bother you with my constant behavior? I know you would probably dump me, but it was just that. Insecurities, and they did not come just naturally. You did things behind my back for which I started having doubts, the days that you’d say you wouldn’t drink, and then you got drunk and told me I was so dramatic and stupid for not letting get drunk… it wasn’t the case, everytime that we argued I wish that you could’ve just kissed me, and hug me and tell me DIEGO, YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, PLEASE DON’T THINK THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME, HOW AM I TO LEAVE YOU? I CAN’T FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU. And somehow you never did, you never did, you were just there silent, and I had to speak for hours and hours to see if we could finally come to a conclusion. It was just about patching up the wound in the meantime but you humiliated me. I remember the day you had nothing but debts and pain and sadness in your life, your mom had just kicked you out of the house, she had just told you to go to hell and live your life away from them for being gay, and I was there to take you on my home. I’m not taking this out on you cause all I did was for love, and I don’t regret any piece of love I gave, at all. It’s just sad, that when you had nothing but just a bag of tears and pain, I was the nicest and most loving person you’ve met, but just around 3 weeks ago when you dumped me you had a great apartment, a roommate which I introduced to you, you had a comfy bed with all the great things that we both dreamt. Remember when you said to me you’d dream of the day when you would reach out to have your own place? That it would be for both of us? That you’d dream of a day when you could tell me to go to your place and I’d feel like home? Now what’s left of that? You just decided to part ways and tell me that you did not want to be with anyone at all, that it wasn’t just my jealousy and stupid behavior but also because you wanted to live life for a while and just party and have fun, and that deep inside of you you knew you didn’t love me, and you knew you had to “discover” new things in life, going out with other guys, meet other people, have more experiences. You have no idea Samuel how much that made me feel, I understand you have the right to let go of us if that’s what you feel is the right thing to do, but you literally kicked me out of your house, telling me to take the sweater off me cause that’s your sweater that you bought with your own money… how could you do that? Look at the blankets and pillow, those are my thing that I gave to you when you had only an empty bed and no pillows. Material things and money never made me happy, the days when you had not even a cent and I did the super market for us, eating the most humble dinners, bread and coke, or chips and cookies while watching a tv you felt sorry for yourself for not offering me a better life, and I said to you, it doesn’t matter, this is a temporary thing. One day you’ll have your own apartment, a better and much bigger home, and then you’ll realize that I was with you thru good and bad, yet you only let me be with u thru bad, and when u got to the good, you kicked me out of your life and be rude and cruel. I remember the day you told me you were with me just because you felt pity for me, in front of your 2 girlfriends. Yes Samuel, you were drunk and upset about an argument we had, but you don’t say that to people, you don’t treat people like that. Why did you do that Samuel? Why? I just wanna know why I come up to meet people like you. People who are mean and just plain rude. I never treated you like that, EVER. Yes I had mistakes, and yes I did things that I regret. I told you a million times the day you broke up with me, I am sorry. I’m sorry if I was too jealous, I’m sorry if I hated your friends for wanting to be with you, I know that’s a horrible thing. I mean, how would you want to have that around your life? But I told you, please just give me another chance, just once. Just give the opportunity. And you decided to see just my flaws, as if I wasn’t a human being, I never cheated, wanted to have something with someone else, it was just two of us in my mind, now I’m sure you probably are or not with another guy, having fun at that new apartment where I was supposed to fulfill my dreams. I hope one day you realize what you lost, that I’m not acting like I’m the best you’ve ever had but clearly, the best someone has offered you so far, I offered you my world, my family, I was always myself with you, I just wanted another opportunity, but people just move on and that’s it. So sad that exactly a week after we broke up you’re screaming out loud that you’re single on facebook, posting that you are so great and feel amazing, as if I was just the poison that was intoxicating your life and I’m a piece of crap that deserves to be burnt from your mind, posting shirtless pics on Instagram to show your abs and stuff, that’s so stupid and ridiculous, but I guess I wish I was a bit more like you, more cold, more cold hearted. You will never realize how much I love, I've been tempted to call you or tell you to get a coffee with me, so i could explain how much I loved you, that if something wrong happened to you today I would still suffer inside, with people teling me how stupid and what a bunch of crap i put myself into, I hate being who I am, I don't hate you, I just hate myself more and I know deep inside, I'm a treasure that you found and lost but I still can't believe you did and said all that to me. Regards, Diego.

I'm gay, so here's my letter: Samuel, I know that I was not what you wanted, and no matter how many times I showed you that despite the horrible flaws I have, I also have a beautiful side that only a few people can see... If you were sick or sad, or something horrible happened to you , I would not sleep until I was sure that you were happy and with a smile on your face. I wish you knew all this, but I know that I was so clingy during the whole relationship and needy, and I begged, and that's so horrible that I put myself on that position, cause it gave you strenght and the feeling that no matter what you did, I was always there, until you found yourself in a new condo, with the nice gorgeous furniture that we both checked upon before you bought, all the material stuff that you and I knew were for the new stage on our relationship this year... but what happened? you had all my flaws in your list, brought all this horrible side of you that I never even knew was possible and dumped me like a horrible dog out of your house, and told me to shut up and just go home, on top of that you humiliated me by telling me that other guys out there at your new job weren't as clingy, and needy as me... I know I made many mistakes and my jealousy got you tired, but I promised you I could even get into therapy to help myself and make you happy, but you took all the serious stuff I trusted on telling you , and told me I was someone horrible with low self esteem and whatever I did meant NOTHING to you. thanks for making me feel like I'm a worthless pile of crap sincerely, D.