JackJackxD Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I am so angry right now. It feels like all the time I've spent with my Ex was a waste and that I've been played. I've been dumped 4 months ago out of a 2.5 years relationship, and we both agreed to have no contact. I've been in NC for 1.5 months now. So today I was out with a mutual friend of my Ex, and we were talking about me. I wanted to know what I could improve on in terms of being a better boyfriend and so I asked for her advice. I've accepted my part in the break up, and is trying to change things so they won't happen again in my next relationship. Whilst on the topic, my mutual friend told me that my Ex in fact did not see anything that she has done wrong in the relationship. My Ex basically could only see everything that I've done wrong, such as being immature, crossing her boundaries...etc. I then asked my mutual friend, "Did you not explain to her what she did wrong?". She then told me "She wouldn't listen to me anyways because she is so stubborn". She then told me about their conversation on relationships. My mutual friend said "I treat all my boyfriends nice, and try to make them feel like a king.", and my Ex then adviced her "You shouldn't do that! You should train them like you train a dog". After hearing that I was in flames. WHAT THE HELL!? So I was essentially a dog in her eyes whilst I was treating her the best I could? I prioritised her over everything, I cared for her the best I could. And all I got in return was being trained like a dog? I feel so disrespected, and that the entire 2.5 years with her I was just being toyed with. It also just proves the reason why every time we have an argument, she would just cut communication with me until I chase her back, because that is what a "dog" is suppose to do. I need to vent my anger out so much. I feel beyond disrespected even though those words were not said directly to my face. Grr.... Link to comment
relevart Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Really, let it go. She's your ex for a reason. You say you've taken responsibility for your part in the break-up. Good. Now take some responsibility in letting go of any anger that, in reality, does not do you any good. Sounds like the mutual friend understands your ex as well as you do. No point in getting angry. Just consider the source and move on. Link to comment
Pisces34 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I understand your anger but I think you are reading too much into the words. Just let it go and move on. I could see myself saying something stupid like that and yet I would treat my bf above myself so... Let it go and find someone who won't make you chase them but will chase you too. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 She sounds like she's on another planet...a planet of her own. People don't date to train people like dogs. She needs to get off her high horse ...that would make me mad too. I know it sucks ...but they are exes for a reason. After I dated this one guy for 2 years and he cheated on me...then we broke up, he continually let me know what was wrong with me even though we were broken up. He said I was weird and shy and that made me so mad (I wasn't shy after that let me tell you lol). He then continued to say weird stuff like "I just realised today...that I am probably the smartest person in the world. It makes me depressed. I hate this world...why would I be born so smart, when everyone else isn't. How sad" ...I then realized he was on his own little planet. Point is...don't let exes get to you! The faster I stopped talking to him the faster I felt better. Sometimes everything an ex says seems so important but really ...it's not. Your biggest mistake in that relationship is ...well...letting her get to you! Find some one who appreciates who you are Hope you feel better soon! Link to comment
BigKK Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I'm going to give you some good advice... Don't talk or ask your mutual friends about your ex. You were beating around the bush for more info. So your ex had some weird view on relationships and wanted to train you like a puppy. Wouldn't be the first time I heard nonsense like that. Focus on next time picking that out from someone and asking them what they think of relationships, teamwork, and being with someone. What their ideal mate is, etc. Obviously they can always BS you, but you can use your intuition. Let's not forget she told that mutual friend knowing the information might get to you, so she may of simply said it to spite you. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 If your ex truly believes in the dog training theory of boyfriends, then count yourself lucky that you got away from her unchipped. woof Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 If your ex truly believes in the dog training theory of boyfriends, then count yourself lucky that you got away from her unchipped. woof Or neutered!!! Link to comment
safenow Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Aw, come on guys. Throw her a bone ... Link to comment
safenow Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Seriously OP, you have dodged a bullet. Don't worry about what she says Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 It hasn't been that long out of the relationship, so there's been little time for both of you to truly reflect on the situation. You didn't say it, but it sounds like she ended the relationship, not you. If so, she's still in the "relieved" stage of being out of it and likely still justifying it for herself. Give it time and the blame will fade, leaving the 2.5 years to be remembered more fondly. Don't count on getting back together, but the more distant you become and the less she hears about you, the more likely your good points will come to light and one day a friendly contact will be re-established. For now you need to walk away and stop looking back; you're hurting yourself by learning more about her. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 It hasn't been that long out of the relationship, so there's been little time for both of you to truly reflect on the situation. You didn't say it, but it sounds like she ended the relationship, not you. If so, she's still in the "relieved" stage of being out of it and likely still justifying it for herself. Give it time and the blame will fade, leaving the 2.5 years to be remembered more fondly. Don't count on getting back together, but the more distant you become and the less she hears about you, the more likely your good points will come to light and one day a friendly contact will be re-established. For now you need to walk away and stop looking back; you're hurting yourself by learning more about her. Isn't 4 months a fair amount of time already? I mean, I've seen friends move on from their LTR in less than a month and seems unscathed from the break-up. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 It would seem not so. I would have been hurt by it as well, which is why I suggest you bolt from this situation entirely. Her comments sound like an attempt to push you away further because she still has emotions about it all. Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I may be way off base here, but this mutual "friend" doesn't seem like a friend to your ex at all. She sounds as if she was trying to put your ex down, while making herself look appealing to you (by telling you how she treats her boyfriends like kings - as opposed to her). Are you sure she isn't interested in you herself? Or simply jealous of your ex? Because honestly, with friends like her, who needs enemies? If I were you, I would take everything this girly said with a grain of salt. Women can be catty in ways men would never understand or believe, and if this person was a true friend to your ex, she wouldn't have said what she said, she would have tried to stay neutral. Your ex may not have said any of it, and you're mad for no reason! Just something to consider.... and also, beware that she may badmouth you too to your ex, just as she badmouthed her to you. I'd distance myself from this person, that's for sure. Nasty character. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 Well this mutual friend of ours is currently in a relationship already, so I doubt she would be interested in me at all. She would always rub her lovey dovey pictures and presents from her boyfriend in my face, which is kinda annoying considering I just had a break-up. This mutual friend is closer to me than my Ex because we live together in the same university accommodation and pretty much cook with each other on a daily basis. She tells me all these sort of things from her and my Ex's girl talk and seems like everything is bad news. She would tell me how my Ex's god brother is making advancements on her, how my Ex said she wants to get married to someone who is a lawyer/doctor, how my Ex says she can't be friends with me because she doesn't like me...etc. These things I hear helps me move on I guess since I am forced to. Whenever I fall back into the phase of false hope she would reassure me that there is no chance between my Ex and me. Thinking back I'm kinda scared about whether she shared our conversations with my Ex LOL! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I would assume she is a two way gossip and stop talking about your ex with her. Link to comment
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