Can Moving Away Help?

[Glamourice]

I've always had a bit of a fantasy about moving to a new city, fresh start with anonyminity. I have lived in the same city all my life, 26 years, and it's kind of boring. But it's an oilfiled city and everyone from other parts of the country came here for work, so for years it was the place to be. Now if you follow the news with north amercian oil prices things are looking a little grim. I'm educated, have a degree, very lucky in that sense, but it's not like my job is anything special to hang on to. I'm relatively unestablished.

 

No kids, no stable partner, no overly close family ties, as they either don't talk to me or are pure drama. I have a couple close friends who I need but even they seem to do their own thing often. Even though I've been living in the same place all my life in a large growing city I don't have a large social circle. Kind of sad right? I find that people just disappear and maybe lose interest in me. I've tried to reach out to current associates and try new things such as an extra part time job, joined sports, social clubs, but if I meet and stay in touch with someone from these things six months later I don't even know if they are alive. They don't answer texts, calls, or emails. And I don't chase people.

 

I also find this city a bit "tainted" because I have history here. I am actually in the market for buying a condo but I don't want to live in this area because an ex lives or works near there, or this area cause my manipulative aunt lives near there. It's affecting major decisions if I stay, and I don't want this controlling my life. Somedays it's hard to cope.

 

My main concern would be loneliness. As I said, I don't have very many friends and I'm in my mid twenties and have lived here all my life. This should be my prime. If I don't have a social base now I'll be even more alone in a new city with no guarantees. And I'm sure I won't be able to handle any further isolation.

 

Any observations or similar circumstances? I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot of potential in some areas but I'm also a comfort zone person. People and my social life have never been an easy topic for me. Am I the 'type' that can just up and leave and socially start over? Or is this running from my problems?

[Hoagy]

There's a big wide world out there, full of interesting people and places so explore it while you're still young. It might be easier making new friends in a new place because people can be more understanding of people who are brave enough to make a fresh start. Most of them will wish they had done it.

 

You don't want to be lying on your deathbed regretting that you never went further than your own doorstep.

[DancingFool]

Moving away will solve only the toxic family issues and temporarily the my ex lives here problem. It will not solve your social life and how you handle that and you'll just have new my ex lives here problems eventually. So moving won't solve how you process relationships, friendships and breakups. That stuff will travel with you because that's internal.

 

Having said that, I love new places and have been fortunate to be able to move around. For me it always feels like it breathes new life and energy into me. So I'm a little biased toward moving if you are feeling unhappy and suffocated where you are. Only advice would be maybe travel around as much as you can. Spend a week here, a week there in different places. See how you feel and like them. Some places are nice to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. Look for what truly resonates with you and if you can, give it a shot. Like you said, you are at a point in life where you don't have any strings holding you bound. Run with it. You never know...you might awaken your inner socialite that you didn't even know you had.

[Batya33]

A favorite philospher of mine once wrote about how when you take a vacation somewhere you have to remember you take yourself with you. Same when you move to another place IMO. I lived in the same city for over 4 decades before moving to a different city when I got married and became a mom. I did have my husband but otherwise knew no one. I met my best friend here within a month, through an activity, and with a lot of time and effort (and I mean a lot!) I have slowly built up a small group of new friends (and stayed in touch with almost all of my old ones).

 

And it's not just because we both have children (most do, a few do not - not because I prefer other moms -just a function of who I meet) - I met many parents who I have nothing in common with as far as being friends or potential friends. You have to be willing to be out there, to be social, to be ready to contribute in small or not so small ways, to be reliable when you make a plan, etc.

 

Are you interested in putting in that type of effort?

[Glamourice]

Moving away will solve only the toxic family issues and temporarily the my ex lives here problem. It will not solve your social life and how you handle that and you'll just have new my ex lives here problems eventually. So moving won't solve how you process relationships, friendships and breakups. That stuff will travel with you because that's internal.

 

I'm not taking the blame from myself but is it really all internal? Like I say I've tried with people but I am thinking they just don't jive with me, for whatever reason. There are people who are naturally like social butterflies and some who fit the outcast mold more readily don't they? I think I'm the latter.

 

Are you interested in putting in that type of effort?

 

I am, very much so, but I feel like there is a lack of opportunity to put in that effort. Also, I'm alone, having your husband there likely helped.

[MisUnderstood9]

Glamouice, I am assuming since you are from the oilfiled of Canada that you are in B.C./Alberta area. (Jealous btw). I come from a small town in Southern Ontario that used to be thriving with employment opporunities because we are a refinery city. Now not so much. I have had about 6 of mine and my fiances close friends move West because there is no jobs here.

 

Picked up and left everything here at home (family etc) and moved with nothing more then a dufflebag of clothes for some of them. Each one of them have told my fiance and I that it is not a decision they regret at all. The breath of fresh air it was to get away from the regular routine and boringness of our tiny city has greatly impacted their lives for the better. Some have met the loves of their lives where they are now, some have cleaned up their acts and matured greatly. All of which have said they have made some amazing friends out there that would consider as family.

 

Change is scary but, it can be very worth while. If you are out west, you live in probably one of the most beautiful sections of Canada with so many amazing cities around you like Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Whistler, Jasper, Victoria! So many of them are great places to start fresh without having to pick up a move far from where you are. I would do research before moving. Find an area that you think would best fit you and you hobbies, personality, and life style you want! Taken a leap of faith in making a life changing decision sometimes is the best decision.

[sadchick83]

Im guessing Fort McMurray??

Pack up and go. It will be the best thing for you. There are so many ways to meet people casually these days. A good way might be to further your education. Schools are great because most people are coming from somewhere else.

 

You also might refrain from purchasing a condo in an oil town at this time. Prices are sure to drop and that may have you stuck there for a long time. Leave, even if its just for the weather! People say you cannot run from your past by moving, but I say that's not true.

[Fudgie]

I think leaving would be a good choice for you. You don't really sound like you have any real reason to stay. Oil is dying, the history there makes it "tainted" and you're bored with it. Seriously, why stay? Do some research into some better cities and maybe even travel a little and see what appeals to you before making a big move.

[Glamourice]

What if the thought of moving really makes me anxious, in a negative way? I did have the chance to move to BC this summer and I was actually sick to my stomach for a few days I was so scared. Part of the reason I backed off.

 

Also, I am all for the new energy and researching and traveling here and there to get a feel for new places. I plan to do that and trying to align the right fit for my lifestyle, as others have said. But, what does my lifestyle matter if I don't have anyone to share it with?

[jesus83]

The oil industry takes a dive like this every 5 or 6 years, the last one being in 2009. Gas prices 'll be back up by summer and work 'll come rolling in by November. It's the same thing every time.

 

But I won't discourage you from moving to another city. I think it's a good idea at this point in your life.

[reinventmyself]

My best friend thinks the answer to all her problems is to move to another state, unfortunately she keeps following herself there and the only that changes is her zipcode. She's moved 5 times in the last 20 years. I think she may actually stay put now. .but she threatens to leave all the time.

 

Your experience may be different.