brigirl92 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Just a little info: we dated 11 months and he broke up with me a week ago cause he didn't see us together in the long term. It was pretty amicable. Decided to go NC three days ago. Well technically I didn't break it cause he texted me first. He just asked how I was doing and I simply replied I'm doing okay. I mean I could have added how are you doing to my response, but I knew his answer would be okay too and our convo would be dead at that point. And 3 hours later and no new response on his part. Now my brain is torturing me...I keep thinking that maybe I was insensitive for not asking him how he was doing back. This is why I have been avoiding contact, because all these feelings for him are rushing back. It sucks. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 He broke up with you...and you are worrying about your response being insensitive? This is why no contact is advocated. Had you not responded at all, or blocked his number...you would be better. Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I understand, but it just isn't as simple as "he broke up with you" we both had thoughts of us growing apart and was trying to hold it together, be sometimes things aren't meant to be. It would have eventually happened, he just so happened to be brave enough to be the bearer of bad news. To be honest, insensitive would have been staying together and trying to forge a future that wasn't there. We still very much care about each other. Honestly I don't feel it's necessary to block him out of my life right now, but I do agree that I need to keep up no contact during this time since the feelings are still there. Link to comment
csdude55 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 The way you described your reply, if I were him then I would take it that you're angry and we're no longer friends. If this was a mutual and amicable break up, and you don't want to end it like that, maybe text back and add more to the conversation in a (clearly) friendly way. Or, be honest and just say that you're too sensitive right now, and will text him in a few weeks when you're ready. Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I agee, I don't want him to think I'm angry cause I'm not at all. Its just hard to making that transition in communication with him...from being together to being split up. I tread lightly, which is why I come off as being short and angry. It's just awkward right now. I don't know what is best for me right now between your two ultimatums. I think I'll sleep on it and decide tomorrow how to approach it. Link to comment
pourmeadrink Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You will think you can be fine with this "mutual" break-up until you see him dating someone new. Trust me, when it happens (and it will happen eventually), you'd wish you have stuck to NC straight away. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You will think you can be fine with this "mutual" break-up until you see him dating someone new. Trust me, when it happens (and it will happen eventually), you'd wish you have stuck to NC straight away. EXACTLY!!!! I wasted 5 months being friendly with my ex, would have been better spent healing than being a fool. Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 EXACTLY!!!! I wasted 5 months being friendly with my ex, would have been better spent healing than being a fool. Thank you for your kind words. I understand you guys, it's just feels hard to follow through with it. It's crazy how one text had me considering changing my approach on this that's just goes to show I'm not over him. Ineed to stay NC to avoid any setbacks in the progress I made. Or least cut off NC long enough to tell him I need this space to myself to get over you. Link to comment
jjkk Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I agree with pourmeadrink and kbbcoop. At first when feelings are so raw and everything is new it's natural to want to keep some kind of contact. Cutting it off completely makes it final and sometimes that's hard to accept. Like they said...truly in the long run complete NC is for the best. You'll avoid all the over thinking and crazy ups and downs that come with texting or phone calls. Exciting when it happens but the outcome drops you on your butt hard and it opens the wounds all over again. Be strong. It'll get easier. Hugs! Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 The thing with being,,good friends '' is you being the back up if something goes wrong with his new dating prospects.I do not think you want to hear about his new love life...Personally i am not afraid of letting go because i know i done what i could to make it work.It takes two to tango.....I know it sucks because we still want to feell that we are cared about.by not having any expectations from him and not accepting the breadcrumbs,you appear much stronger in his eyes ... Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You need to not worry about his feelings. He is no longer a part of your life. Texting him will only make you feel worst, that is a fact! You trying to remain friends with him will only help him heal faster and you will be left hurt. My relationship didn't end badly either, he actually asked for a hug, cried etc... However, we just can't be friends. It's useless. At least for now... No contact is not easy at all. As I stated before, you need to avoid your phone. You need to have a strategy to decrease the urge of contacting him. Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 That's true, I don't want to hear about his new love life or anyone he is involved with. You're right. It's hard going from being his girlfriend, confidant, support, being care for, etc. I feel so out of place, which I know is natural at this time where I find myself without him. I can't find myself without him if I'm in constant contact with him. I realize this and I just need to put it into practice. Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm not babysitting my phone whenever I get the urge to contact him, I usually come on here and post something or read up on NC posts. I understand, although our relationship ended on good terms, it's not our job to hold each others hand and coddle each other through our breakup. We have to get past each other on our own. Maybe after that we can be friends, but now isn't that time as we try to transition out of what we feel for each other. I would love to have him as a part of my life, but first I need to focus on myself, and not worry about him, our friendship, etc. If we're meant to be friends after all this, it will happen. But I need to put that thought on the back burner and not worry about that. Link to comment
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