Well, I healed. You will too.

[raccoon]

I'm writing this because one gripe I had about this site when I was on it everyday is that when people healed and moved on, we never got to hear their success stories. We never got to hear how someone finally got over it. So here goes.

 

The circumstances of my breakup don't really matter; suffice it to say, it was probably similar to that of any one of you reading this. I had what I thought was a great relationship, then I got sat down on a park bench and told it wasn't working out -- that it was over.

 

I spent more time than I care to admit completely heartbroken. I thought I found my soul mate, and that I'd never really love someone again. Today, I'm healed. I no longer have those feelings. I say this not to brag, but only offer proof that if I can do it, you can too.

 

The standard things people tell you, (go to the gym, find new hobbies, make new friends) are all important, do them. More than that you need to grieve. It's ok that you're sitting alone in your room crying and feeling lonely. There's no shame in that, you have to do it. No one expects you to feel otherwise.

 

The memories of your loved one and the times you spent together will haunt you until you grieve each memory separately. When that special memory of that time you went to the zoo together or walked in the park together or whatever else pops into your head, you have to grieve for that memory and let it die. After a while, those memories don't give you that pang anymore, because you already cried over it. When you get through every one, those memories won't have the same impact on you. It's like hearing a great song over and over again, eventually it's not so good anymore.

 

After a lot of time, it's ok that you still feel lonely. It's not your fault. As long as you've spent quality time by yourself, and get out there and do new things, have new experiences, it's natural that you still miss that person. Even after I had long since stopped crying, I still thought about my ex; when I'd see a happy couple or watch a romantic movie I thought about him. It was the last time I was in love, so it's what I had to compare to. You're going to carry a little bit of a torch until you find your next serious love interest. And then, and only when you're ready, you will fall in love again. It's only then that you can really be healed.

 

So today, I barely think about him anymore. Sure I do sometimes, but I don't feel abandoned or want to reach out to him in any way. My interests lay elsewhere.

 

So don't beat yourselves up. I know you're counting the days since the last time you've spoken; I know you're wondering if you'll ever see each other again. When you think about such things, please know that you are NOT a loser. What you are going through right now is a uniquely human experience, one that we all must have to be fully realized individuals. This experience will make you a stronger, more mature person, no matter how many times this has happened to you before. Eventually, you will be better off for having had this experience. I know it's hard to believe now, but if there's anything I've learned from all this, it's that I've come to believe that our hearts are designed to heal themselves. It's how we were made.

 

I hope any of this gives some of you some encouragement. Keep sharing on this site. These people give great advice and I couldn't have done it without their gentle support.

 

Good luck everyone.

[romantic sweetheart]

I love your encouragement and tenderness. Thank you for sharing this with us here. We can read these words and know, deep in our hearts, that one day, we all will find our peace.

 

Thank you.

[clodhopper]

Thank you so much for sharing your success story. I wish that more people would share optimistic bright things like this... it really helps. I can read this when I'm low and have hope in that one day I will feel the same. Thank you again.

[sdw]

Yeah, I agree healing does happen and it feels good to finally be over someone. A lot of talk flies around these forums about ex bf/gf relationships, I found my healing happened the fastest when I stopped contact with my ex. I no longer hear from her or expect to and I don't get in contact with her. It forces you to let go. Do you still hear from your ex at all , or is he totally out of your life ?

[ajk]

thank you for your words, especially the ones about it being okay and necessary to grieve. getting angry does not help everyone...hearts will still have to grieve even after the anger passes. i would like to heal as completely as possible, and i don't think anger lets you heal and respect the good memories.

[Mun]

Thanks for sharing that Raccoon and for updating us about how you are feeling now.

 

We each have our own unique way of moving forward and getting past the hurt of a broken relationship, but so many of your thoughts and feelings are common enough that we can relate in some way.

 

Very good post.

[ashik]

2 words..thank u