ubasti Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 My friend started a new job today and she posted something on FB that was immature. So myself and another friend of hers replied to it telling her to focus on her work and not things like that. My friend started arguing with us, so I sent the other girl a facebook message saying "dude she's not going to listen to us. She's being stubborn. If she wants to tell the public that her mindset is focused on immature things then so be it. let her learn the hard way.". That girl took a screen shot of what I said and sent it to my friend to try and cause problems! It blew my mind. It made me so mad I started shaking. So my question is this. How do I take my own advice and not respond immaturely in these situations? I'm trying very hard to grow up and be a mature adult. I want a professional image. My friend and I have been talking about this recently because we are starting our careers. I guess one thing to learn from today is not to worry about her and to worry about myself. I'm looking for someone to give me some good tips on dealing with people and conducting myself maturely and professionally ESP when faced with people who like to start drama. Also how to avoid such situations. Thank you. Link to comment
ubasti Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Two things I couldve done better today: 1. Gave my friend my advice and left it at that. 2. Not messaged the other girl. She's not my friend and even if it seemed like we were on the same page, I didn't need to message her. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Responding to the original fb post was mistake #1. Not your job to monitor her immaturity. Sharing it with anyone was creating drama...#2. Link to comment
ubasti Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 You're right. Thanks you mhowe. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Have a rule that you will only respond positively to things you like on facebook and ignore the things you don't like. This way you won't start any drama over facebook comments that aren't going to change anyone's mind. Let your friend be immature. You can only control your actions, you can't control other people. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I unfollow people...so I don't have to see them being dumb and over sharing...it might help in the future. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I'm looking for someone to give me some good tips on dealing with people and conducting myself maturely and professionally ESP when faced with people who like to start drama. Also how to avoid such situations. Thank you. It seems to me that you're the one who started the drama, when you gave unsolicited advice and criticized someone for what they posted. A "mature" response might have been to shake your head, and then stop looking at her FB page. People rarely respond well to unsolicited advice, especially when it is critical of their nature. Think how you'd have responded if someone called you out like that on FB. If you wanted to be a good friend, you could have talked to her in person about it, not talked about her behind her back with someone you say you don't even consider a friend. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yep -- giving unsolicited advice will nearly always get you into trouble, and I think this is even more true on social media and the Internet, where typed words can come accross differently than what was intended. I think the idea of unfollowing people so that you don't see their posts is a good one. I have a couple of friends who over-share (one who posted about having men she's just met over to her house with her toddler son there, and posted about her ex husband and his mental illness, etc.), one who is really negative, etc., and I just hide their posts. I still see their comments on other people's posts, but I don't have to read all the drama. I know it's tempting to respond to the over-sharers and the people who do dumb things and post about them, but...it's better not to. They need to learn the hard way; in this case, this girl you speak of might have career/professional issues due to her choice to be obnoxious on Facebook. If that happens, she'll just have to learn a hard lesson. Link to comment
ubasti Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 It seems to me that you're the one who started the drama, when you gave unsolicited advice and criticized someone for what they posted. A "mature" response might have been to shake your head, and then stop looking at her FB page. People rarely respond well to unsolicited advice, especially when it is critical of their nature. Think how you'd have responded if someone called you out like that on FB. If you wanted to be a good friend, you could have talked to her in person about it, not talked about her behind her back with someone you say you don't even consider a friend. I forgot to clarify that my friend and I have been talking a lot about conducting ourselves more maturely and professionally. So my advice wasnt unsolicited the way a random criticism would be. More like "hey we talk about this every day". As for the other girl, I assumed she was on the same page because shes a part the group of close friends we are all a part of. I just don't know her as well as friend #1. So it wasn't some random facebook bash. Lastly, I wasn't meaning to "talk behind her back", I was just saying hey she's not listening to what we said, but my message was completely flipped. Which granted, a better way of dealing with this would have been 1. not respond to the original post. 2. not say anything to friend #2. If my friend calls me every day complaining that she wants her life to get better, then I'll listen but apparently constructive criticism isn't welcomed, nor is it appropriate social media. Live and learn. Link to comment
ubasti Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Very true. Right now we are all having these issues because we are dramatic. I'll admit it. Look what happened today. We talk a lot about improving ourselves so that we won't keep repeating the same mistakes in life. I've known her since we were 11. I remember in the 7th grade she got mad at another girl and wrote her a letter threatening to beat her up. She ended up getting suspended from school and banned from THE field trip of the year. I remember our parents telling us to never leave things in writing that could be used against us. It stuck with me, esp since we didn't learn our lesson and kept repeating the same mistakes. Well, we aren't in school anymore. We are in our 20's and it's time to grow up and think about things as well as respond to things differently. Today I found myself trying to encourage her to implement these into daily life, esp since it has been a big topic as of late. Instead of coming accross as being the encouraging friend as I intended, I got sucked into and even helped to create the scenario I was intending to avoid in the first place! So I've been sitting here today thinking that I can talk to my friends about making changes in our lives all I want, but I only have control over my own actions and responses. Instead of focusing on encouraging her, I need to focus on encouraging myself and really learning and understand what is not working for me. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Sometimes we outgrow our friends and have to leave them behind. I recently had a major purge...it sucks. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Unsolicited advice is generally not welcome. If she's going to be dumb and post dumb things, then let her do it. If it gets her fired, oh well, more jobs for the rest of us. Seriously though, it's not your job to \tell her what to do or what not to do. You're not her parent. Link to comment
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