DaisyHope Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 So as the subject said. I'm about 3 months in to break up of relationship. I've made life changes to my living situation and had been feeling relatively positive...as positive as you can be when you still want to get back together but know that won't be happening. Anyway I guess now I've taken stock to breathe and settled into new place I've really struggled this weekend. Overwhelming bouts of sadness and upset it's been horrible. I've had breadcrumbs since he ended it and it just feels so hopeless. Now I've 'let go' and accepted he won't be back is that horror of being on my own. I've always been independent but I really gave myself to being in a relationship. I loved it. I know people will say dating will happen and I'll meet someone else but I feel it would be unfair on that person IF I even every felt I could want to meet anyone anyway. I really don't. I'm wrestling the memories and there were no bad ones. Genuinely. I just hate that I feel so hopeless. Don't know what to do when everything feels like it's all for nothing now and I KNOW I've got to get on and out there. Just thought I wouldn't be here again. Help. I know people will say 'time' and keep busy. Just money is low plus everyone us coupled up. Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 No doubt it will hurt for awhile. Are you still following him on facebook? Accepting the breadcrumbs? If so totally cut all forms of contact. Any little thing such as seeing his name on a "liked" post can hinder your healing at this point in time. I'm sorry you are hurting, I wish I could tell you of a quick fix but as you said time and keeping busy...and zero contact. You can find things to do that don't cost a ton of money. So your friends are coupled up...are you saying they won't spend any time with you? I'm not talking all day here. Are you religious? Churches have things going on throughout the week that cost nothing. Can you volunteer somewhere?. You might have to get creative but the activities are out there if you look. Maybe you'll evev make some new friends! There will still be bouts of sorrow along the way but in time they will become less and less frequent. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 DaisyHope I feell the same way ...it hits me when I see couples and families...and I usually move on pretty fast.Thing is ,this relationship changed my view of love,life ,everything.Our goodbye was final ,with him just offering to be a friend ...well you probably know my story.Hugs to you ...you can always PM me Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 The thing is, you can DO as many thing as you like, but the pain will still be there. This won't be reassuring, but you actually have to live through the hopelessness, the neediness, the sadness and the awfulness. It is what you need to do to get over it. But it takes time!!! Yes, it would be lovely if you could wave a magic wand to make it go away. But you can't. Accepting that you feel really bad is a good place to start. Feelng horrible is horrible, but feeling hopeless won't kill you, neither will being lonely. Being alone isn't as bad as it's made out to be. At least you'll have time to reflect. Watch some weepy movies with your friends, eat ice cream and cake, sob your heart out. It's all good and it will genuinely help. Cut off ALL contact and force yourself not to look at any social media where you might see him. It's only been 3 months. Why rush into another relationship? Give yourself the time to heal and to really process the break up. Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you all. I'm not looking to rush in to another relationship, that said, I don't know that I'll EVER be ready for one. I know everyone says that will change, but too much of this break up has made me either doubt myself, trusting someone when there was nothing to question etc etc.... Re no contact - I've cut all contact, but he's liked things on social media - I DON'T look at anything of his, I just don't think deleting someone is going to look particularly mature, so I have the will power to just not look. I really have an urge to message him today - I'm trying so hard to resist!! Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you all. I'm not looking to rush in to another relationship, that said, I don't know that I'll EVER be ready for one. I know everyone says that will change, but too much of this break up has made me either doubt myself, trusting someone when there was nothing to question etc etc.... Re no contact - I've cut all contact, but he's liked things on social media - I DON'T look at anything of his, I just don't think deleting someone is going to look particularly mature, so I have the will power to just not look. I really have an urge to message him today - I'm trying so hard to resist!! I feell you ,same here....u could PM me Link to comment
No1 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I guess its like this. If the priority for a capt to keep his ship and crew safe, he would never leave the dock. But he would never be brave enough to discover new lands because we all know to do that you most lose sight of the shore. Why are you anchoring yourself? Because you feel guilty? Well, aint that wonderful for the X. He gets to go out there and live a wonderful, happy life and you are going to be carrying the cross for him and you are going to sacrifice your happiness for him and the best part, he has no idea that you are doing it. So please explain why you are doing this? Help me understand why you choose to dress yourself in guilt and pain over a guy? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It's hard to get perspective, but a little under a year isn't long enough for forever. Often, 3, 6, and 12 months are checkpoints where people figure out if they are ready to keep moving forward in a relationship. I think he sort of reached that checkpoint. If the relationship itself was great then the check was really inside himself. Had you stayed together while he was having doubts, the relationship would have disintegrated into a terrible push/pull - which YOU do not deserve. I know it's hard to see now, but it's best it ended before it got ugly. Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ms Darcy, I sound so silly but I genuinely hadn't thought of it like this.... 'Had you stayed together while he was having doubts, the relationship would have disintegrated into a terrible push/pull - which YOU do not deserve.' and hard as it is to say, that's so true...... I hadn't factored in what that could have been like. I still wish we could get back together but I DO know it won't be happening!! The longer it goes on the deeper that sinks in!! Soon I'll be a memory and even if he thinks of me fondly, which he should as there was nothing I did to have him think otherwise... even since the split. I have NEVER given him a hard time. Although that slightly annoys me as it means he gets away scot free thinking he's God's gift........ but then I'd rather be thought of fondly and walking away with grace and class rather than being some mental case. I was going to get in touch with him yesterday, and was thinking about it today but I don't see much point. Link to comment
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