Need Ex girlfriend advise Fast (long story)

[Mike in CA]

Hi all, I've been lurking through this site for quite some time (GREAT info. Site) , and I just registered, so, add one more new member to your list

 

Well, here's my problem. I had a crush on my ex since the 6th grade. I left that school, and transferred to another town over, and have not seen her for six years. Long story short, 6 years passed, we met up again, and just last year started dating. I found out that she was NOT the girl I thought she was (drinking, cheating on me constantly, etc. etc. one time she almost ended up getting pregnant by this 21 year old. (She is 16 and I am 18, so keep this in mind as the story goes on). After about 1 month of dating her, and find out all this stuff by her friends, I dump her. She kept calling me, etc. etc. and I should've ended it there but we continued to go out on and off for about 4 more weeks, until I finally said I had enough. Well, 2 months goes by with no contact, and then all of a sudden she comes to my house and tells me that she is free of drinking, is not hanging out will all the kids that got her into trouble before, etc. I said that?s great (it was just what I wanted to hear), BUT she now has a BF. I was like ok, fine. I fell madly in love with her in the last 4 months of seeing her, but it sucks, because she has a BF. She admits to me that she still has feelings for me, but yet she does not want to dump her current BF. Every time I spend time with her she NEVER mentions his name at all. We tried the ?no contact? and that when on for a LONG time but every time a month would go by, and she would end up giving in and would call me and ?want to have dinner?. I don?t know what to do anymore. She's been going out with this guy for about 7 months now, but yet she still says that she misses me, imagines us getting married, but that she is confused and has to settle down now. We just got out of another no contact time (for about 5 weeks) and now I'm supposed to meet her after work for dinner tomorrow. I don't know what to do anymore. Every time we say no contact or if we just remain friends, that hurts me too much and she claims that she feels the same, and one of us always gives in. I'm in love with her that I have admitted that to her. We have so much in common it's scary. Now, if I can only get her to dump this guy lol

What should I do ? Go to dinner with her ?

Thanks for any help, and taking the time to read my story.

[littlelaxer]

i would say when u say ur gonna do NC stick to it. She really seems like she doesnt know what she wants. Maybe she does, because if she really wanted to be with you, she would be....right??

 

I think u just need to cut her off, and see what she does. She knows how u feel right?? if she doesnt, tell her and let her know to call u when she knows what she wants because all of these games are fair to you.

 

I had someone do that to me for the longest time until i finally realized they arent worth my time if they are gonna say this junk to me, but not actually BE WITH ME.

 

So i would say vanish for awhile and see what happens......

[ajk]

can you clarify what you mean by "almost ended up" getting pregnant?

 

if she cheated on you, do you really want her back?

 

i am confused about why she thinks she "needs to settle down" when she is 16?

 

no, she was not the girl you thought she was...it doesn't mean she can't be her again, and hasn't cleaned her act up, but if she can't show by her actions that she wants to be with you, where does that leave you?

 

how bad was her cheating?

 

do you feel healed after that, or do you feel like you need the relationship now in order to heal it?

 

have you forgiven her completely?

[Universe]

She's stringing you along. You're too young to be wasting so much time on this girl. The pattern in her behavior make it pretty obvious that she takes you for granted. If you have any self-respect, you won't let this continue. I would cancel dinner. You don't have to give a reason. You don't have to tell her how you feel. She knows that already. Just tell her you're busy or not feeling well and that you'll have to do it some other time. Then don't reschedule.

The key is, you have to not be so available to her. She knows she can have you whenever she wants. She's never had to consider the notion that she could lose you. So stop seeing her and try to date other girls. Eventually she'll realize that she's lost you. At that time she'll either accept it, or decide that her current situation is not worth losing you over and she'll come after you. Maybe you'll still want her, maybe not.

 

I also wonder if you really like this girl as much as you think you do. You guys have spent a lot of time doing No Contact. She spends all her time with her BF. And she cheated on you when you were together. It doesn't sound like you really know her enough to be dedicating so much time to her. Let your love be free. Share it with other girls. You never know what will happen. But you will be better for it in the end.

 

Good luck.

[Mike in CA]

Thanks for all of your advise. I think I will "vanish" for a LONG time, and see what happens. It's just very hard for me not to "give in" when I drop out of site for ahwile again, when she knows my E-mail, cell #, etc. Maybe I should change them lol

Another thing I forgot to mention, back when we were dating, I would buy her everything (Birthday gifts, christmas gifts, you know every gift a normal person would give thier GF) and she gave me NOTHING. I should've figured it out back then