Am I overreacting?

[sweeteri08]

No I'm pretty sure he's been doing it and deleting messages

[sweeteri08]

I asked him about it and he said so

[ParisPaulette]

I'm afraid I'd tell him to have fun with the ex then drop, block and delete him. What he's doing isn't cool at all, it's emotional cheating at best. Not to mention how disrespectful it all is. Why stick around for that when you could do so much better. Like find a real man instead of a little boy who needs validations from people he couldn't make a relationship with.

 

Speaking of now you're getting a taste of why he has exes. I guess to be called beautiful by this one you have to become an ex and be available just for ego boosts? Not my idea of anyone I'd want to share a life with for sure.

[superfan]

Keeping contact with an ex is a touchy subject. I am of the opinion that if everything is platonic and if the break up was amicable then it is completely possible to have a friendship with an ex that does not threaten your current partner.

 

My ex, his wife and myself and my husband will be hanging out at their place on Wednesday of this week as a matter of fact. We are all very good friends and he and my husband get along quite well....

 

But then, my ex does not send me flirtatious texts saying "hi beautiful" either.

 

The fact that a partner has contact with an ex is not always cause for concern, but since he appears to be flirting with her in a way not appropriate to the relationship he is currently in, and then getting defensive/accusing you speaks volumes.

 

She may live far away, but it is obvious that whatever feelings/emotions existed in that relationship have either not completely disappeared, or he keeps contact for the ego stroke of it.

 

Either way it is disrespectful.

 

If you want to confront him, you need to do it from a place that does not sound accusatory. If he still gets defensive and/or deflects the argument then you know he has no respect for your relationship. Tell him, "talking to an ex is one thing, but you are actively flirting with her and I find it disrespectful to our relationship."

 

If he can't respect that, then he doesn't respect you and you have your answer.

[sweeteri08]

Thank you everyone

[IAmFCA]

This is exactly right.

 

I have an ex with whom I am dropping contact because his texts are so familiar and he would undermine my relationship if given the opportunity. I have ex - from high school! - I don't contact because when I look at him I can't create distance in my look; I know him like I know myself. I feel disrespectful to him and to his wife. He has an ex who would be his side piece if he chose, so he has distanced her.

 

All other exes, neither one of us much care.

 

Any friend, ex or not, who would undermine one's relationship is not a friend. Encouraging a friend who would be a threat shows that the threat is coming from within the relationship.

 

This makes it a cause for concern.

 

So you have identified that it is worthy opf concern. How much concern?

 

This depends on who you are. I know someone who seems to regret his marriage and pine for his ex. Had he married his ex he would be cheating on her with his wife. His desire for his ex is not a threat to his marriage. It is an indication of his fear of commitment and his fear of being hurt, which runs very deep within him and is something his wife understands well. She has accepted him, all of him.

 

In such a case, the threat is not the ex, it is the fear of intimacy.

 

It is important to understand what lies beneath.

[superfan]

Yeah I dropped contact with one ex when he told me he didn't want to meet my husband. That to me, was a red flag. I felt that if he ONLY wanted to spend time alone with me, then he probably still harboured feelings or at least does not respect my relationship enough to befriend my partner. End of friendship.

[redswim30]

You said, "again". So I take it he has done this before?

 

You stayed with him, so you are by complacency telling him this behavior is okay. People this self centered do not change.

 

If you confront him, just leave. He's not going to change. Or stay and expect more of the same. Those are your choices.

[sweeteri08]

Talking to ur ex's.. OK or not? I do but its platonic he does but calls her beautiful??

[Capricorn3]

If you are BOTH talking to your ex's, then fair and square. If it's an issue, then boundaries need to be discussed.

[IAmFCA]

Is this a repeat of other thread?

[panther]

You posted this before and got a good amount of helpful replies. No, most people don't think it's alright for your boyfriend to call beauiful to his ex.

[Capricorn3]

Threads have been merged.

[chamachama]

Actually, I was on the fence with this one. Sometimes flirting is just flirting and maybe there is a fairly benign reason for it. However, the thing that actual tipped the scales for me is his accusing of you after you confronted him. That is actually classic cheater defense. And because of that, I would start paying more attention and keeping your eyes open....good luck!

[Sportster2005]

My man of almost 3 years is still talking to a few exes. He messaged one of them and said "How are you beautiful?" He never calls me that or anything for that matter.. I'm kinda pissed about it. Should I just shrug it off?

 

No you should not shrug it off. Terms of endearment are for lovers, not friends.

[sweeteri08]

He can't physically cheat but he can emotionally. I haven't talked to my ex in a while bit he never believes me.

[Capricorn3]

I haven't talked to my ex in a while bit he never believes me.

But in another post you said: - "Talking to ur ex's.. OK or not? I do but its platonic he does but calls her beautiful??

[sweeteri08]

Well I meant that I have before. I'm willing to cut all ties if he is willing

[Jsmet92]

You are NOT over reacting. I am a male (if that even makes a difference) and you deserve better. Don't question yourself, do what is best for you and in line with what you deserve!

 

 

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