A month later, it's not getting any better.

[snitchcharm]

He broke up with me in late October after 2.5 years. First love, first time, etc. for me, though I wasn't his.

 

I'm doing NC except for saying hi to him when I run into him on campus, but it's not as challenging as some of the other posters I've seen because...he hasn't contacted me. He texted a week after the breakup to ask how I was doing, and nothing since then. Others have a hard time because their exes won't stop contacting them; mine hasn't even tried to get in touch.

 

I'm really starting to doubt my sanity. All the dates, the lovemaking, the mornings waking up next to him. The vacations; meeting his family. Singing songs in the car with him on road trips. The thousands of times he told me he loved me.

 

Did I imagine all that? How could it have been real, if he can just drop me now like a toy he got bored with?

 

It seems like he's doing fine, from what I've seen of him. And I am in so much pain. I just want him back.

[kbbcoop77]

Dumpers always do better because they've already emotionally detached. Gonna take u awhile to feel better. I'm 9 months post breakup and still struggle although it was a 24 year relationship. Take care and stay NC it will def. help you

[Scoe141]

I'm sorry to hear about the break up... they never are a pleasure to go through. First you need to remember, you will get through this. It may just take some time and ever lose hope.

 

That being said, you can play the guessing game all day long as to why someone breaks up with you, especially if they don't have the heart to tell you and give you a rolodex excuse. At the end of the day, not everyone is for everyone. Meaning, just because you two didn't work out, doesn't mean that another guy won't come along and give you those same memories, just better. You're still young, you will find love again.

 

It's going to take time to get through this. Take up an activity, stay busy on campus, or exercise. When those thoughts creep into you head immediately "change the channel". Think of something else. We've all been there before. It does hurt, but never lose hope that you won't get through this, because you can and will.

[catfeeder]

A month isn't long enough to feel better for most people, and my heart goes out to you. Grief is...grief. It's the most difficult thing anyone who's loved needs to go through, and the only way 'around' it is through it.

 

You might find it helpful to research Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. While these were originally applied to death and dying, contemporary therapists now apply it to all kinds of grief.

 

These are not neat, linear stages that you can use as a roadmap to track your progress, but rather a chaotic mish-mash of emotions you'll tap into all over the map. You might run through several in the course of minutes or hours until a day comes when you feel stabilized by acceptance for short periods. These times will last longer over the course of time, even while you take occasional plummets into pain again.

 

The deepest lapses into pain aren't setbacks, they just feel like it. They're a natural part of the process, and when you can know this and understand what you're still working out, you won't be so terrified that you'll never pull yourself out of this. As permanent as this pain feels, it will pass in time.

 

Write more if it helps, and head high.