Loneliness and a dispirited perspective

[abysmal]

Lately I have had a falling out with someone who was once close to me and we no longer speak, this was discussed in my most recent thread. Meanwhile, I have another friend who attends a different university about two hours away. The latter recently got in contact with me after quite a while of infrequent contact. We dated on and off for a while previously and we were very close. She asked if I were okay, saying, "hello sweetheart," and seemed kind and cordial pretty much. I asked if she'd be willing to spend some time together over the holidays, but I've yet to hear back.

 

Though I have no intention of reuniting with the former, who happened to be very abusive and condescending and didn't appreciate me, I would like to see my good friend once again, and I feel there are fair prospects in the future, perhaps.

 

The issue that I am struggling with is that I have absolutely no one else in my life outside of a couple of people in my immediate family; despite working a job and being in school, I am in social isolation and the loneliness is very difficult to cope with. I have lost much of my passion and enthusiasm for various aspects of my life, including my education. I just don't really care anymore. I can't look strangers or acquaintances or familiar people in the eye. I spend my free time in coffee shops and bookstores and at the mall - before I eventually break down in tears and have to leave.

 

When I was with these two as a close friend and relationship partner, respectively, I was enthusiastic about everything. I had a very optimistic mindset and found joy in most everything. The reciprocation of emotional support had a lot to do with my perspective; love is a basic need.

 

I don't know if therapy would help me accept where I am and reignite the spark of enthusiasm. CBT, for instance, which most therapists employ as a method to address depression, still won't change the fact that I am alone. I foremost would just like to have this person in my life again and be close, because I do really care about her, but I would like to hear from others about how they have confronted their loneliness and how I can accept where I am - regardless of what the future may hold in terms of a friendship or relationship with this individual.

 

Thank you for reading and I sincerely value your thoughts and input.

[happpybear]

The issue that I am struggling with is that I have absolutely no one else in my life outside of a couple of people in my immediate family; despite working a job and being in school, I am in social isolation and the loneliness is very difficult to cope with. I have lost much of my passion and enthusiasm for various aspects of my life, including my education. I just don't really care anymore. I can't look strangers or acquaintances or familiar people in the eye. I spend my free time in coffee shops and bookstores and at the mall - before I eventually break down in tears and have to leave.

 

Hey there,

 

Well, reading this paragraph makes me wonder if you are depressed? The lack of enthusiasm--emotional instability (the random crying).

 

CBT, for instance, which most therapists employ as a method to address depression, still won't change the fact that I am alone.

 

Sure, it won't magically bring you a partner. But it might help you to learn to live alone, and be happy alone. You can't base all your happiness on others. It's not healthy. Your partners and friends cannot bring all of that for you...and that's to much to expect of others. Sure I am not saying that having relationships is not needed as I believe that for most people it is, we are social creatures. Friends and partners are just part of the equation, you also have to be at peace with yourself--who you are as an autonomous person.

[1a1a]

As well as therapy, why not take up a social hobby or few? You don't have to become friends with your fellow hobbyists but it could happen and at worst, at least you'll be getting out of the house and doing something you enjoy.

[jasmin123]

i agree with the other posters. it sounds like you put a lot of faith in this one person. and the next person you are trying to talk to might think you are moving too fast. this does not sound healthy at all.

 

the relationship that ended sounded like you put too much pressure on the relationship.

 

so the depression is there obviously over using this relationship as your "everything". it was the relationship that fueled your life, your creativity and this is not good.

 

so before you start trying to put these demands on someone else, think about what healthy really means.

 

healthy means balanced.

 

i too, a long time ago, was afraid to be alone.

 

i can say 20 years later being alone is powerful. i do have friends and i do socialize but my alone time is so much fun.

 

from my personal experience, getting to know god was very powerful for me. when i say getting to know god, it is not about going to church or any of that because i believe god is non-denominational.

 

once i started spending time with god, i did not feel alone anymore, i felt great.

 

i do long for company but i do not insist upon being around people all of the time. i am around people some of the time.

 

it sounds like you need to find other things that make you feel good. and discovering yourself requires being alone. so, i would think of things that you always wanted to do and to do it. finding something new like a hobby, like the above poster stated, healed me a lot. I have MANY hobbies going on right now. and doing them allows me to feel good

 

and when you do something that makes YOU feel good about yourself, you rely less on others and more on yourself.

 

so i agree that it sounds like you are getting your creative energy from others.

 

if you cook, make new recipes.... the key is doing something new that you love to do and are proud of.

 

and once you start doing that, your energy to live will come from yourself. and you will make less demands on others for their time in order to feel good.