Too loose or not hard enough

[zebragirl]

Ok my first question post. I am a married female. We've been married 10 years. We have one child who is 4 years. My husband and I have always had infrequent sex but even less so after the birth of our child. The problem is that over the last year or two sex has not been fulfilling . Often times he doesn't seem very hard but not soft either. Like he isn't fully hard just sort of hard when we attempt penetration. Once we get going he seems in the mood and wants to do it but it starts feeling quite sloppy and loose.

 

Last year I thought it was the lubed condoms causing too much wetness making us feel numb. So I ditched those and found non lubed condoms. Didn't help. So we ditched condoms altogether and I just use a diaphragm so it doesn't interfere with sensation. We use nothing if I am past ovulation.

 

OK so I figured out that no condom does feel better but the loose feeling hasn't gone away. He gets hard but not rock solid. We attempt and it just feels so wet and loose and sloppy. I know it's note being too wet because I had to add a few drops of lube to get us started since I was too dry!

 

I really think he has erectile issues and needs to get seen for it. Because there have been a few times in the last year that he lost his erection in the middle of sex. Or barely got hard enough for it to work. Plus he tells me he doesn't really think about sex much. So I am thinking I am going to request he have his Dr test his testosterone or whatever they need to figure out how to make this better.

 

The reason I am hesitating now and my question is, he says my caging feels different than it did before we had our daughter, and thinks it's looser. Well, I had her 4 years ago. I can masturbate just fine and it never feels loose. I know it's probably different than before but I don't this can't be all me right? I am pretty sure we did fine with sex the first couple of years after she was born even though it wasn't frequent. But within the last two years it's become worse and the problems with him not staying hard started. I am willing to do whatever I need to know my end to make this better. I just question if part of it is me or if it's all him.

[mhowe]

You can't request his dr do anything. He needs to...and it is quite possible that he no longer desires sex.

[BigKK]

Do you two use foreplay?

 

I would have him get his blood levels checked, metabolic panel, and full hormone panel...testosterone and estrogen

 

Otherwise, you can consider him using a c**k ring

[jimthzz]

It could be a blend of both issues.

 

Viagra for him after a physical, and Kegels for you could help.

 

How old are you two?

[zebragirl]

We do some foreplay, but not much. I meant for him to request of his Dr, but have the same Dr and I know based on the past he'd have me call the dr for him. He has blood test orders for some other things the dr wanted him to get tested so I thought maybe if he asked they could just add to it if they want.

 

Well if he no longer desires sex isn't that usually a hormone issue if the rest of the relationship is good?

[zebragirl]

I am 32 and he's 42.

 

We had sex today and it was the first time it's been successful in probably six months. We've only had sex about 3 or 4 times in that amount of time though. And i had to really tighten my abs and pull in to make it feel like there was enough pressure for me to orgasm. He asked if I could do that again so he could get off too, so I did. That's the only reason it ended up being successful

[Jennifer89]

He says he doesn't think about sex much anymore, do you do anything to "help" him think about sex more? I know a lot of people stop doing the things they use to when they have kids, and some of it, you should, like you should go out less and have family stuff going on and that type of thing. But you should still dress nice for him and have date nights and make sure you still do the things that use to turn him on before you had kids. Try hiring a babysitter and going out occasionally.

 

If he is saying you are looser down there then you use to be... I think he may be telling himself that to make himself feel better for not being able to get it up and keep it up all the time.

[ThatwasThen]

If you give him oral or use your hand on him does he get "rock solid hard" then?

[zebragirl]

He has never cared for oral and doesn't get hard from it. Using my hand,I will have to try again, it used to work buy not sure anymore