How do dumpers just walk away?

[Lucha]

UNTIL they find a flaw in you that they don't like and focus on it until the love dies like a single last person in this world like that lol. Love is a choice, not a feeling or action. Working through your problems is always a choice. The person who "falls out of love" always has a reason and I am sorry... if you fell out of love for a reason other than they were abusive to you, Then you are just being selfish and immature. Do you know HOW many times I have read "I told him/her what was wrong over years! and nothing got fixed! they only wanted to fix it when I was completely done!" That is a ridiculous thing I have EVER heard in my life. No one and I mean NO one is going to be able to understand how severe is until you voice it clearly. Guys and girls communicate differently. If it REALLY is a problem and you cannot voice it across to your partner then be mature and go to counseling so they can get it across. If you tried that and they still won't listen or go to counseling then I am all for you falling out of love.

 

I say this because I have had girls do this to me and my last relationship did the same thing. She fell out of love because I was pushing her too hard to be in the best shape she could for our wedding and I ONLY did this because she was so depressed about her weight all the time it killed many aspects of the relationship. Know what MY warning was and how she "constantly" told me until she gave up? It was literally her telling me "I feel like I am walking on egg shells around you all the time..." that's it... That was the extent of her "telling me all time". SOMEHOW I was supposed to know THAT was making her fall out of love with me...

 

I cannot feel any less disgust than I feel for people that fall out of love and walk away. I have never fallen out of love and will never be able to do it unless things get insanely bad and are unfixable. Most of the cases for these situations. Are fixable.

 

Having been on both sides, being the dumper and the dumpee, I would want to partially disagree with this.

It sounds like you had a tough breakup and this has made you angry and full of resentment. I used to think like you. When I was still angry. Now, three years after my breakup, I dare to state I have reached acceptance. And the way I see it now is:

Working through your problems is indeed a choice. Love is not. Choosing to work through your problems is usually because there is enough love left. But, love usually fades. Relationships tend to fall apart more often than they are meant to be forever. Why? Because people change. And the person you loved five years ago may very well be the person you cant imagine spending your current life with. Changing as a person and having changed ambitions, passions, emotions is what can kill love. It does not necessarily have to be like that if you both evolve in the relationship and keep wanting the same things.

 

I can now see fairly clearly my ex girlfriend and me didn't want the same things anymore like we did. It caused discussions, excuses and empty breakup talk like 'it wasnt you, it was me'.

 

Sorry you had a rough time with the breakup.

[Chon]

It's worth remembering that we can love someone but not be happy being with them. Sometimes the loving choice is not to be with the person any more.

 

I think society places a lot of expectation on dumped people, that they should not "love" their partners any more if there has been separation. Yet, whenever people accidentally pass away, people wouldn't be entirely surprised if a widower still "loves" their deceased partner.

 

This idea wouldn't be so weird in the polyamory community.

 

I suppose when we think of family, does our love for them wane and wax? Yet most people would claim that they love their family even though they don't like them sometimes. It's OK to dislike them, not want to be around them and still say that you love them. Not so OK to do that with an ex.