Sexual Frustrations

[Tinkerbell]

Hello again everybody,

 

I'm hoping you can help give me some insight on a situation. Late last night I received a phone call from my friend Tara who was rather upset over a conflict that had occurred between her and her latest boyfriend. Turns out that her boyfriend actually got angry with her for not "putting out," even though they have been sexually active rather often. She explained that she often seduces him to build up the tension, but in the end, she always ends up pulling through. However, for some reason last night he took her teasing too seriously, and was so furious that when he came to the false conclusion that he wouldn't be getting any he left her house in a raging rush. Feeling rather guilty, she chased him outside to give him a proper kiss goodbye, yet he pulled away and drove off.

 

Personally, I do not think this guy had a right to be angry. Whether she chooses to follow through is her choice, and I certainly don't think that it's worth getting angry over sexual frustrations. Afterall, and I don't mean to be crude, he does have two working arms, if he wanted it that badly he could've relieved himself once he returned home.

 

What do the rest of you think? Have you ever gotten into a fight with a partner over a similar situation?

 

Any input would be appreciated, as I'm rather upset over the whole ordeal. I liked her boyfriend fine before, but my opinion of him is slowly going down the drain.

 

~Tink

[sasha12]

that's called teasing without pleasing.. that's playing a game.

[Iceman26]

Well at least he showed his displeasure, I know guys whose girlfriends dont put out as often as they would like, they dont get angry or say anything, because they know it wont do any good, so they just go and get what they want from another girl.

 

Remember there are always 2 sides to every story, and I would bet you aren't hearing the whole thing, so try not to be too biased against the boyfriend. If my girlfriend left me with blueballs, I would be upset too, they really hurt! She wouldnt do that to me though.

 

The boyfriend did act like a spoiled brat, and she needs to talk to him about his behavior, but then again maybe he had to rush home and punch the clown so he wouldnt be in pain.

 

You are right about sex being a choice for your friend, but maybe she should consider not teasing her boyfriend about sex. Some people just dont like to be teased about it.

[cooldude1234]

Yeah, sounds like he's a jerk. (this may or may not be true) He needs to deal with the fact that it's her body, and its her choice to do it or not. My girlfriend does this all the time, it sucks, but get used to it, jeez.

[Stari]

What message is she sending to him with her body language when she "builds tension" ?

 

I can fully understand her boyfriends frustration.

[Tinkerbell]

Sure, it's one thing to be frustrated, but is it really necessary to storm off with a tantrum when she's followed through every other time?

 

It just seems to me that too many men seem to think that their partners should be their sex slaves and give them exactly what they want exactly when they need it.

[bzborow1]

Now feminism has gotten so bad that us guys are not even allowed to voice our displeasure with the games women may be playing? He doesn't have the right to force her to have sex obviously....but to me what she did was incredibly rude. Now obviously we don't know how far she took him before breaking the news she was playing him...but...

 

What he probably should have done is pull back from her as well, and stopped putting out for her. Or waited til she was in the mood, then got her all hot and bothered and just stopped and left....but to me there isn't one thing wrong with him getting angry over being played.

[Tinkerbell]

breaking the news she was playing him

 

I think you read my post too quickly because I clearly stated that Tara had every intention of following through as usual and she was in no way "playing him."

 

What he probably should have done is pull back from her as well, and stopped putting out for her. Or waited til she was in the mood, then got her all hot and bothered and just stopped and left.

 

As for ^, that just seems incredibly immature and pointless. I don't see how that would've corrected the situation at all.

[Cecelius]

Perhaps the issue is that without absolute clarity as to what happened, what he was thinking and what was the apparent intention, its impossible to evaluate whether an offense occurred or not.

The storming out seems to be silly, but if I were him, based on what I am hearing, if I feel after a careful review of the individual situation that I'm getting treated poorly or being toyed with, I would probably remove myself from the situation. Calmly but straightforwardly, I'd put on my clothes and go home.

 

She may have had every intention, but perhaps he didn't know that. Perhaps she's approached this cliff too many times and he really thought she was being disrespectful or annoying, or perhaps it merely bugs him that she does this and they ought not go out anymore.

 

But as she has a right to withhold (no question) he has a right to withdraw.

[hockeyboy]

i dont think revenge is healthy in a relationship.

 

communication is the key. they need more of that on this situation.

[Tinkerbell]

Hmm, I can see some of your points, but I still don't understand exactly what is so wrong with seducing someone or teasing them if you will as long as you're planning on giving in in the end.

 

Generally, women are different than men, while men are ready to hop in the sack after a few seconds of foreplay, women usually need more than that. I can recall times when I too have used teasing and seducing as a method of foreplay, a way of building up to that point until we're both ready. However, men don't seem to understand that it's necessary to be patient, and that if anything, instead of storming out in rage, he should've tried to convince her to give in by seducing her.

[hockeyboy]

instead of storming out in rage, he should've tried to convince her to give in by seducing her.

 

YUP!!

[randy]

my question is why did she build the sexual tension then leave him hangin? I do agree that he over reacted. Maybe she felt like it but then something made her change her mind?

 

That i think is wrong.

 

But i think we can't come to a definate conclusion here cuse i bet there is more to that story.

[hockeyboy]

im guessing she just wasnt in the mood when the time came.

 

women can be notorious for that.

[Day_Walker]

These are the type of games that are played that seem to have a double standard while i see them done more by women, i realize that it is also done by men. She simply wants him to go along with her game and when he didnt want to play her game she changed her mind. Seems like both of them acted immaturely to me. He didnt respond well to the game that she wanted to play with him and yes it was her choice to sleep with him or not she also needs to accept the consequences of her actions. She didnt know how he was going to respond.

What your friend needs to realize is that there is a point of no return and once you have passed that point it would be beneficial if she came through. Obviously she went too far and he was ready for something that she wasnt. It is fair to say that she knows her boundaries now on what kind of behavior he finds acceptable teasing and what goes too far.

I dont see his reaction as any worse than how she decided all of a sudden that she didnt want to continue. Neither women or men are required to be eachothers sex slaves, but both parites need to realize the boundaries of their partner that way they know what is acceptable and what isnt the only way this is going to happen in through communication.

[Tinkerbell]

Ah, once again I believe there has been a misunderstanding.

I dont see his reaction as any worse than how she decided all of a sudden that she didnt want to continue.

 

She never decided she wasn't going to continue or follow through, it was him who came to the false conclusion that he wasn't going to be getting any and thereforeeee decided to leave.

[OceanEyes]

Generally, women are different than men, while men are ready to hop in the sack after a few seconds of foreplay, women usually need more than that.

 

This is actually exactly what I was thinking when I read your first post Tinkerbell. Every guy I've been with has been "okay" with just getting into the main event, but to be honest, that just doesn't do it for me whatsoever. I mean, I can lay there and have sex, but if there hasn't been significant foreplay, I don't actually enjoy it like I should.

 

Guys, I need some clarification here: what do you consider "teasing"? I've been accused by ex-boyfriends of teasing, when in fact that wasn't my intention at all. I've been accused of "teasing" by simply wearing a tank top around the apartment. I guess I am just having a hard time understanding what "teasing" is in a guy's eyes.

[OceanEyes]

She never decided she wasn't going to continue or follow through, it was him who came to the false conclusion that he wasn't going to be getting any and thereforeeee decided to leave.

 

There is obviously not enough communication between them. He could have just talked to her about it, and I'm sure she would have set him straight. Also, what's wrong with HIM putting some effort in, perhaps trying to tease HER a little bit?

[Tinkerbell]

I guess I am just having a hard time understanding what "teasing" is in a guy's eyes.

 

I completely understand where you're coming from with this, I don't quite understand what "teasing" is either.

According to the dictionary, to tease is to arouse hope, desire, or curiosity without affording satisfaction.

 

I think that most men are under the impression that my friend enjoys giving men "blueballs" so to speak, but I must insist again that that was never her intention as she cannot stand "unfinished business," and I understand completely because neither can I. Believe it or not, I know plenty of women who are just as unsatisfied when there partner is left unsatisfied as he is.

[OceanEyes]

Believe it or not, I know plenty of women who are just as unsatisfied when there partner is left unsatisfied as he is.

 

Yeah, you've basically just described my last relationship. Sometimes I felt like all it took to satisfy him was 30 seconds of action. I was unsatisfied for pretty much the whole 2 years; his excuse was that he "just couldn't last".

 

I, like you, have girlfriends who will tell me that they're unsatisfied sexually (despite trying to communicate their needs).

 

To me, teasing in my eyes is having sex with me for 2 minutes and rolling over to go to sleep. How many women here can actually have an orgasm in 2 minutes?

[Tinkerbell]

To me, teasing in my eyes is having sex with me for 2 minutes and rolling over to go to sleep.

 

See, I can understand how THIS could cause frustration, but I think that in the case of my friend Tara her boyfriend was just being unreasonable. Like you, I have been accused of being a tease before, although it was never a real problem because in the end I'd always give in to my partners needs.

 

It seems as though just about anything nowadays is classified as teasing, whether it be bending over to pick up a piece of paper or giving head for a few minutes and then stopping. In the case of the above examples, I see nothing wrong with either of them. Personally, I would rather my boyfriend tease me with whatever it be he chooses than have him just jump right into the midst of things. I obviously cannot and will never be able to fully understand the male race, but I believe that it's only logical for a boyfriend to appreciate that his girlfriend is able to turn him on in a variety of ways and keep him longing for more before she gives it all. Afterall, wouldn't the sex be a lot more fulfilling if you really really wanted it?

[Day_Walker]

if you want a broad definition then teasing can be any act that is arrousing to your partner. Now that is very broad but in order to honestly be teasing I believe the intention also has to be there. On the other hand looking at a girl in something that is revealing and those certain parts are arrousing to you then that is more indirect teasing and it would depend if the intention was there or not.

[OceanEyes]

Afterall, wouldn't the sex be a lot more fulfilling if you really really wanted it?

 

Well, this comment here can actually explain a couple of things. Men seem to be able to get 'into it' without much teasing or build-up whatsoever. I myself, cannot.

 

And by the way, isn't blueballs something that is aquired after you have sex for a while and then just STOP? I didn't know that a little bit of teasing resulted in the guy having their balls ache.

[Tinkerbell]

According to most men, blueballs occur when they get extremely turned on and then do not get to release. This can happen after just teasing, an incomplete handjob, blowjob, sex, etc... However, from what I gather, the younger generation tend to make it out to be a lot worse than it really is, as grown men often describe is as discomfort rather than pain.

[Iceman26]

Well it depends on the seriousness of the blueballism. If its a rager, say for example an unfinished blow job, then yeah it hurts sometimes, but if its just a little light petting, then its a mild discomfort.