Sexual Frustrations

[PrincessLinzay]

I think the thing I would call into question is whether this is "teasing" or just foreplay? I think that there is a distinct difference between the two.

 

As a woman, I know how much better sex is when there's all the good stuff leading up to it. This I will refer to as foreplay, and I think guys enjoy it also.

 

When I think of "teasing", I think of someone initiating sexual activity and then pulling back. As a woman, I would probably be a little miffed if a guy did that to me, so I would imagine this would anger a guy as well.

 

For Tara I would have to ask...... Is this something that she knows makes him angry? It it something he has expressed dissatisfaction with in the past? If so, than I can see his anger.

 

If he has not said anything about it, and this has pretty much been the pattern from the start, I would say he has no reason to get upset.

 

That's my 2 cents.

[Ceema-k]

It would seem we are only getting one side of the story and no one really know what was going through Tara's blue-balled bf's mind when he stormed out.

 

This is obviously a misunderstanding that can be resolved with a sincere covnerstation & perhaps apologies from both sides. The issue won't be solved by playing more games. And if this incident repeats itself and becomes a pattern, then we can probably start looking deeper into their motivations, etc. etc. I don't think anyone's intentions need to be questioned at this point, because i can understand the bf's sexual frustration and understand how Tara sees him as flying off the handle a bit.

[cooldude1234]

According to most men, blueballs occur when they get extremely turned on and then do not get to release. This can happen after just teasing, an incomplete handjob, blowjob, sex, etc... However, from what I gather, the younger generation tend to make it out to be a lot worse than it really is, as grown men often describe is as discomfort rather than pain.

 

hahaha... from personal experience, blue balls is similiar to the feeling you get after being kicked in that area, just a little dumbed down, depending on how long you were aroused for. definitely a lot more than 'disconfort.' This is true for me anyways

[Iceman26]

Well said Cooldude.

[avman]

hahaha... from personal experience, blue balls is similiar to the feeling you get after being kicked in that area, just a little dumbed down, depending on how long you were aroused for. definitely a lot more than 'disconfort.' This is true for me anyways

 

Sorry, I don't buy it. Having experienced both, being kicked in the groin causes you to double over, causes difficulty breathing and coughing, seeing stars, and intense pain.

 

Blueballs by any comparison is discomfort - despite the fact that many men try and convince their girlfriends otherwise. If you think this is the same feeling as being kicked in the groin - then you haven't ever been kicked in the groin really hard

[justagirl20f]

If he had initiated it, and she simply wasn't in the mood, then he was a jerk for storming off (at the very least a BIG FIGHT offense, at most serious, a break up, if it were me) but if she initiated it the polite thing to do is finish. Unless something goes wrong the initiating party kinda has a duty to finish what they started.

 

That said, he acted immaturely, if this is what really happened. He could have said that he was pissed, even pouted, but storming off and being a jerk is not right. I asked my BF if he was in the similar situation (i.e. I start but don't give him release just to be a pain in the butt) would he be mad? He said yes of course. However, knowing him he wouldn't storm off, and he knows me well enough to know if he did leave he wouldn't be welcome back for a VERY long time if at all. But because I love him, I either make sure to give him his release, or I don't initiate anything. If he initiates and I know I am not in the mood (RARE occurrence, hahaha) then I tell him right away or indicate so, and he won't pursue in false hopes.

 

A final note, one important thing is no matter how mad at one another we get over things, sex is separate from that. For instance, if he says something stupid and I don't like him much, I am still there for him sexually and we can always resolve the other issues later. This keeps us both close and quite often he's apologizing to me for whatever it was soon after sex. Couples who use sex to bribe or punish one another are often going to have infidelity problems, and will certainly experience greater tension and less closeness. Men are physically closest to their GF's during and after sex, so that's when you're most likely to get a genuine heartfelt apology... Just a semi-related thought/tip.

[cooldude1234]

Sorry, I don't buy it. Having experienced both, being kicked in the groin causes you to double over, causes difficulty breathing and coughing, seeing stars, and intense pain.

 

Blueballs by any comparison is discomfort - despite the fact that many men try and convince their girlfriends otherwise. If you think this is the same feeling as being kicked in the groin - then you haven't ever been kicked in the groin really hard

 

I didn't mean the initial feeling, I meant the feeling you get like 5-10 minutes after. And trust me, i have more experience with this feeling than most people here. I used to skate every day, which would result in a "nutter"(landing on the bar with your crotch) almost every time we would skate handrails(often). But whatever, im not going to argue with you. Like I said, this is how I feel, and im sure its different for every guy.

[sisterlynch]

I think that he needs to be more sensative to her emotions, and she needs to communicate her sexual needs to him in a more realistic manner. He is being confused by the teasing that is going on.

 

Pretend that he was a puppy that she was training. Would she want to put the food down and then pick it up again when the puppy was still hungry?

 

That would be kind of cruel, no? She needs to show some empathy for his emotions, or they are not meant to be together.

[Stari]

If he initiates and I know I am not in the mood (RARE occurrence, hahaha) then I tell him right away or indicate so, and he won't pursue in false hopes.

justagirl20f, you made a good point there.

 

 

I would like to look at the situation from Tara's bf's possible point of view.

 

1) He gets excited. So he is not calm. So he will not act like Dalai Lama. So odds are he will not be entirely cool if something comes up.

 

2) He gets excited. So the blood is somewhere else than in his brain. So he is not at peak performance to tackle new obstacles that may arise.

 

3) He gets excited. So he gets expectations.

 

4) The obstacle appears unsurmountable to him and he in his uncalm state, he looses control over his tongue. He soon realises his mistake, and corrects it by closing his mouth and showing her with his actions how he feels, through leaving.

 

5) He does not want to kiss goodbye since he wants to communicate that giving him hope of sex is unacceptable and a kiss from her will not make the sexual frustration go away.

 

This is possibly one side of the story.

[tahlia]

I know that she had every intention of finishing him off but even if she didnt she should not be made to feel bad for it. She shouldnt have to do anything she didnt want to do. He can always finish himself off if she changes her mind - i think as a one off she should not be considered in the wrong.

 

Secondly to be honest to most of u guys out there sex doesnt do a lot for most girls. Many can not orgasm from it yet we will often go through it because u guys love it. Some guys may finish sex and then not return the favour to their partner. I see this as a much more selfish act than just a bit of teasing and then stopping. Quite frankly a lot of u guys can get turned on pretty quickly by not that much eg kissing or a bit of revealing clothing. I dont see that if u kiss ur partner and he gets turned on that it should mean 'thats it we have to have sex now cause i'm turned on' what about her?

[bleeder]

Well said Sisterlynch. We are all adults and are supposed to be equipped with a good dose of common sense.

 

To tease and then proceed to leave, is a sure fire sign of manipulation and nothing more. I do not think that the guy was wrong to be angry.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[saren]

Well, Tink.

 

I've done that to a guy too and I got dumped for it. But I only did it because I knew he didn't care about me at ALL, and, frankly, I won't roll over just because someone asks me to.

 

~s

[DragonGirl724]

Well, Tink.

 

I've done that to a guy too and I got dumped for it. But I only did it because I knew he didn't care about me at ALL, and, frankly, I won't roll over just because someone asks me to.

 

~s

 

TOUCHE'!

 

 

-DG724

[saren]

Why thank you, dahling. ;-)

[DragonGirl724]

couldnt have said it better myself.

 

-DG724

[Stari]

As a man, Tara's sudden flip from sensual to frugal appears at first glance to mimic the behaviour of a split personality. The two hemispheres of the female brain work differently from those of the male, I think. This would be the reason why women better notice both words and body language.

 

Another possibility is that Tara felt that it has been a long time since she and her bf cuddled without having sex. This need for touching without leading to sex is foreign to men who are fully happy engaging in sex everytime touching occours. When changing her mind she could have asked "Do we have to have sex?". If it happened only occasionally, I would feel good to give her what she wants, closeness without sex.

 

tahlia wrote

Quite frankly a lot of u guys can get turned on pretty quickly by not that much eg kissing or a bit of revealing clothing.

This could be why men appreaciate teasing less than women. We need so little of it to be aroused in comparison.

 

Personally I would appreciate teasing when done in place where sex is unlikely to occur such as when away from home. That no sex would immediately result from the teasing would not be due her but due to the circumstances. However, I would probably react similarly to Tara's bf if no sex happened when opportunity did arise again.

[OceanEyes]

Secondly to be honest to most of u guys out there sex doesnt do a lot for most girls. Many can not orgasm from it yet we will often go through it because u guys love it. Some guys may finish sex and then not return the favour to their partner.

 

This is very similar to what I was thinking/ saying before. I've found in the past that it's difficult for me to be interested in sex, usually because I know that it is going to result in something that is rather short, then afterwards, looking into the eyes of a man who is very tired. It's been my experience that communication doesn't help much in sexual matters, because men can be extremely sensitive when we try to communicate our needs. They take us saying something like, "I would love it if you did THIS more" as "you SUCK in bed! You are a useless man who does NOT please me".

 

I'm not saying all guys are like this, but most of the guys I've dated have been. I think it's safe to say that we will just never understand each other in this respect. I've tried the whole 'communication thing' with guys regarding sex, and have had it actually be absorbed once.

[Tinkerbell]

Thank you to everyone from all of your replies. I was very interested in the differences between the male and female point of view, and am fully on the same page as OceanEyes based on the following comment:

 

I think it's safe to say that we will just never understand each other in this respect.

 

Nowadays, it seems that everything is about sex. If you're not having sex, everything is about when you will have sex, and if you are having sex, everything is still about sex. Obviously, the two sexes have very different opinions on sexual matters and react differently to sexual acts as well, which leads me to believe that there really isn't much we can do in these situations.

 

I suppose when it comes down to it, females are just more complicated when it comes to sex - dangling a piece of meat in front of our eyes usually doesn't get us drooling, we're going to need a little more than that.

[melrich]

Why does this topic get a sticky?

[avman]

Why does this topic get a sticky?

 

It is within the moderators discretion to make a topic a sticky.

[Kbelles]

even as a female, i can kinda understand the guy's frustration. yes, he was wrong to 'storm out' but i think he had a right to be angered by the 'teasing' game. i think im the only female i know who doesnt like to be teased. i dont like to play games. my bf used to do that until i told him to stop. he used to get me all hot and then tell me he had to leave or something. by this time, im all flushed and breathing heavy. and to tease me like that i thought was downright cruel to a girl. so i imagine its the same for a guy.

 

your friend may have had all intentions of giving in but how was HE supposed to know that?! people cant read minds, ya know. obviously, she must be a REALLY good tease. so good in fact, that he obviously thought he wasnt going to get any. so maybe you should look at your friend and not at the guy. why cant she just be more mature and tell him that she needs more foreplay rather than play the now-you-see-it-now-you-dont game. in my opinion, they both acted immaturely...