What should I do? :/

[Redabc123]

So I met my ex 4 years ago. I fell in love with him but it doesn't know that. We broke up after 5 monthes of dating because he was ready for a relationship for multiple reasons. We stayed friends for a whole year before he began dating someone else and broke my heart. We talked off and on for 3 yrs. he would only pop back into my life when he wasn't dating someone. I got sick of it and cut him out of my life 1 year ago. I stopped answering any kind of communication from him because I felt used. I got an email from him on FB about 3 weeks ago he basically said everything I have been wanted to her for 4 yrs. he said he made a mistake by not getting into a relationship with me and that we were so good together and he misses the time we spent together. I sent him a message back thanking for all his kind words but that I moved on and I'm not interested in being in an unhealthy circle with him. He said all he wanted to do is talk and get to know me again. Some how we began talking everyday but I'm nervous everyday that we talk that he will just find someone else like before.. I still have feelings for him after all this time. He broke up with someone 2 mon. Ago and we are at different stages in our lives because I'm looking to date. He started acting werid last night so I caught our convo short and tried to pretend thT we didn't start this again. But I can't stop thinkikh about him what should I do?

[marshmallito]

I am confused. You are ready to date. Has he said he isnt ready to date?

[Batya33]

I would see him and decide that day whether you two are going to date exclusively. At this point you two know each other well enough to know whether that is a good idea. I'd stop all the back and forth chatting and make a plan to see each other ASAP.

[Redabc123]

I would see him and decide that day whether you two are going to date exclusively. At this point you two know each other well enough to know whether that is a good idea. I'd stop all the back and forth chatting and make a plan to see each other ASAP.

 

Should I ask him? I agree

[Batya33]

Should I ask him? I agree

 

I would ask him if he wants to get together in person and unless you get an enthusiastic response and enthusiasm in setting a time/place I would stop being in contact with him. When you see each other hopefully he will raise the idea and if not, sure you can -you need to know either way.

[Redabc123]

I would ask him if he wants to get together in person and unless you get an enthusiastic response and enthusiasm in setting a time/place I would stop being in contact with him. When you see each other hopefully he will raise the idea and if not, sure you can -you need to know either way.

 

I haven't talked him today should I wait to her from him?

[Batya33]

Yes- because if he is interested in seeing you then he will of course get in touch with you at some point. I see that you decided to cut the conversation short - it depends what you mean by that -if you did it in a rude way then you might need to contact him.

[Redabc123]

Yes- because if he is interested in seeing you then he will of course get in touch with you at some point. I see that you decided to cut the conversation short - it depends what you mean by that -if you did it in a rude way then you might need to contact him.

 

No not rude. He asked what I was doing I said cuddling and he said with who I said my pillows as a joke and he said have fun with that. That was the end of the convo

[offplanet]

As you said, he used to contact you when he wasn't dating someone else, and now that he's 2 months after a breakup it's likely just the same scenario. He's already broken your heart once so I would suggest not getting involved again.

[Batya33]

I would leave the ball in his court -if he wants to go on a date with you he will contact you and plan a date.

[lavenderdove]

You need to quit fooling around with this... this is a 'failure to launch' scenario. You need to either move forward and really communicate and start dating, or you need to break it off completely and stop using each other as a back up plan when you have nothing better to do.

 

So spend some time thinking about what it is you really want. Do you want to try again with him to have a serious relationship, or you do you think there is too much water over the dam at this point and it won't work? If you want to have a relationship, he has put himself out there and said he made a mistake and you basically rejected his attempt to open a line of communication about wanting to get back together.

 

So don't play games with him. He is going to lose interest fast if you are telling him on one hand you have moved on and aren't interested, and then on another are flirting with him about cuddling etc. It probably pissed him off (and would have done the same for me) since he opened his heart to you, you said you weren't interested, then you started playing games trying to make him jealous or flirt with him about cuddling.

 

So what you need to do now is quit fooling around. You guys have been stuck in neutral a long time. So if you want him, now is the time to come out and say it and start dating him, and if you don't want him, it is time to 100% let go and stop being in contact with him and focus on finding someone else.

[Redabc123]

Update: Thank you all for the advice. So I asked him if he would want to get together. He responded by" That wasn't the response I was looking for. I was actually really disappointed and thought it would be different this time. I just feel like if he wanted to see me he would have made the time. Its so hard because now I have all of these feelings coming back. I have been single for 3 years and it gets depressing that I can't find anyone. I thought maybe this was so sort of a "sign". Im feeling really down about it. I don't plan on contacting him anymore since its hurting me to not really hear the answers I wanted to hear. Any advice?

[Redabc123]

I never said I wasn't interested in dating him. I just wasn't interested in being his friend because I felt like id get my feelings hurt and wanted to avoid it.

[Batya33]

Update: Thank you all for the advice. So I asked him if he would want to get together. He responded by" That wasn't the response I was looking for. I was actually really disappointed and thought it would be different this time. I just feel like if he wanted to see me he would have made the time. Its so hard because now I have all of these feelings coming back. I have been single for 3 years and it gets depressing that I can't find anyone. I thought maybe this was so sort of a "sign". Im feeling really down about it. I don't plan on contacting him anymore since its hurting me to not really hear the answers I wanted to hear. Any advice?

 

Sorry- what was the response? It wasn't clear from your post.

 

Stop looking for "signs" -the only relevant sign that someone wants to go on a date with you is if he asks you out for a date he plans or accepts your offer for a date with enthusiasm even if he has to reschedule.

 

Limit your pity party to 10 minutes or less per day so you can spend your precious free time and energy on thinking outside the box as to ways to meet more men and women you have things in common with.

 

I don't think you should be in contact with this guy anymore.

[Redabc123]

He responded with" sometime soon" in regards to us seeing each other

 

I agree with the signs and no more contact. Do you think I should remove myself from FB. I did the disappearing act last year when I really needed to get away from him.

 

Any ideas on how to meet new people?

[Batya33]

He responded with" sometime soon" in regards to us seeing each other

 

I agree with the signs and no more contact. Do you think I should remove myself from FB. I did the disappearing act last year when I really needed to get away from him.

 

Any ideas on how to meet new people?

 

So I would take that response as a no or at best lukewarm interest (anything less than strong enthusiasm is not worth it IMO). I don't think you should remove yourself from FB -simply hide his posts.

 

Meeting new people - volunteer work, volunteering, specifically, backstage or frontstage at community theater, swing dancing lessons (or salsa), hiking groups or other outdoor activities you like, telling people you like that you are single and looking (but in a cheery way, not a desperate way), on line sites.

[Redabc123]

So I would take that response as a no or at best lukewarm interest (anything less than strong enthusiasm is not worth it IMO). I don't think you should remove yourself from FB -simply hide his posts.

 

Meeting new people - volunteer work, volunteering, specifically, backstage or frontstage at community theater, swing dancing lessons (or salsa), hiking groups or other outdoor activities you like, telling people you like that you are single and looking (but in a cheery way, not a desperate way), on line sites.

 

Thanks, We ended up talking for two more weeks and honestly it was just a repetitive circle from 4 years ago. I asked one last time if he wanted to get together when we were both free and he said he had something to do and didn't reschedule. It hurt because it seemed liked we were beginning to get close again, and I kind got my hopes up again. I haven't answered any of his texts or phone calls even though it hurts. He doesn't seem to be ready and whats sad is that he tells me Im the perfect girl for him but he is scared. He is 30 and honestly turns me off that he even makes that statement. Am I doing the right thing but not answering him? He says he wants to see me but has made no effort or has turned down my two request with excuses thanks in advance

[patterned]

You know what you want him to do. You opened the door. If he doesn't step up the way you want him to then it sounds like not going to work for you. I think you've done what you can.

[Batya33]

You have all the information you need. He does not want to see you in person -if he did he would make the effort needed to do so. He would choose you over his fear. One of the first things I said to my husband when he asked if I wanted to get back together was "yes but I'm scared". I chose yes over fear within the next 30 seconds (during those 30 seconds he assured me that that was normal and he was too from all I remember). It's normal to be scared and normal to choose fear over action or action over fear in most cases. He's already made his choice (again). If I were you my choice would be to walk away. We all have different boundaries.