Getting tired of my friends' excuses

[Lovelavie]

Seriously. None of my girlfriends want to go out with me. Ever. Actually there's one who goes out with me every once in a while, and doesn't have a BF. This other friend recently ended her 2 year relationship and now won't stop asking me what I'm doing on the weekend, when before she would barely talk to me. Now that the relationship is over I'm suddenly an option huh?

 

Come on, we're in our early 20s and they act like old married couples. I don't see why some people mistake being in a relationship with "I can never go out with anyone except for my BF/GF and I can only live for him and do nothing else that involves him and only him". I have a Bf and we go out like crazy (too much even I would say) and made new friends thanks to him, who go out with us all the time too and they're all in relationships. They don't have to be like us but they don't step out of the house only when they're going out to eat (which they never invite us to go with) or to a motel. God, it's so annoying. It's gotten to a point where I'm seriously considering ending my friendship with these people. I miss having my girlfriends around to gossip and talk about girl stuff and just have a beer you know? But they always have an excuse (mostly a lame excuse) and never want to do anything. And then they complain we never go out or do fun stuff (what?!?!).

 

I have lost count of how many times I've asked them to do something or if I was going to a club, a bar, the mall, just ANYTHING and every single time I got a no. Every single one of them. When we were on vacation I didn't see them once, while I would see my boyfriend's friends on every weekend. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm becoming angry and thinking they aren't really my friends. The only time we see each other is at college now but when that's done I wonder if I'll ever see them again (and I'm not being dramatic). Sometimes I feel like saying this to their faces but I don't know if it would be the right thing to do, but right now I'm just so frustrated with the whole situation I'm seriously considering it!

[DancingFool]

They are your friends, but they are also individual people who just don't think and live quite like you do. There are a lot of people out there that do get hyper focused on their bf/gf or generally act like they died once in a relationship. It's not your cup of tea and that's OK. It just means that you need to find some friends who are more like you. There is no reason to get mad at your friends for being who they are as people. Also, life does change and sometimes we simply outgrow our old friendships and drift apart, especially in college. Just like you are learning who you are and what you like and how you want to lead your life, they are too and you all are heading in different directions in that.

[lymphocyte]

I have a friend who rarely goes anywhere without her boyfriend. Invite her to lunch, and he's coming for lunch, too. They're pretty much attached at the hip.

 

It's not my cup of tea; I certainly wouldn't take my partner everywhere I go, but as I get along well with her boyfriend, it doesn't bother me. Maybe you could try inviting both your friends and their partners?

[bulletproof]

College must have a lot of people attending. Surely you can find friends that share your view of what being friends means?

 

It seems futile to spend energy wishing people were different, when you can just as easily find people who already embody the traits you're looking for.

[Lovelavie]

The thing is, I ALWAYS invite them with their partner, given that my boyfriend and I go out and we're always together, it wouldn't be fair to expect them not to bring their SO too. But we don't isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. His friends always call on the weekends asking us what we're up to and if we want to do something, my friends never do that. There's this one friend in specific that when she was single she wanted to go to all the parties and wouldn't leave us alone, now that she's in a relationship (and it's been 2 years already) she's NEVER available, like for anything. One time she invited me to go buy a valentine's gift for her BF and she wanted him to come! I told her that we were going in my car and that it was ridiculous for him to come with us (come on, some girl time please), so we went by ourselves but the whole time she wouldn't stop talking about how she had to get home to see him because she was losing a couple hours without him BUYING A GIFT FOR HIM (obsessed much?). My b-day is coming up and I don't feel like inviting her at all because when she's with her BF she doesn't speak to anyone but him. If they ever were to break up, she would come running after us and would ask us to go out constantly and now my answer would be a no, just so she can get a taste of her own medicine.

 

I guess I should just distance myself from them. I mean, I enjoy their company but I can't stand people who live for their BF and when they're single they want you around all the time. I'm not like that, never was and don't think other people should act that way towards me.

 

Idk, it's just my personal opnion. I think you have a BF and friends at the same time with no problem, and not having to choose one of them.