I Am Lost Need Help..5 year relationship

[nol703]

Sorry for it being so messy

 

 

 

i started dating this girl and she was a mess when we started going out she was on anti depression

 

pills and didnt like her family. i would tell her she needed to change because we would fight and

 

she would get so mad and if i said anything about breaking up she would be suicidal. so i broke up

 

wtih her a few times because she wouldnt change that but she finally did..we hit it off the first 2

 

years where great we loved each other so much we would spend every minute we could with each other

 

and hold her hand all day long and never let go even to tie my shoe..its was all great then i told

 

her to move in with us (me and my family) she agreed and it was fine at first we both worked at the

 

same place and soon after she got fired and stayed home all day while i worked and i started hateing

 

that she wouldnt clean or do anything around the house.i talked to her about it i told her to get a

 

job, go to school, or clean around the house, at least make me a lunch and she wouldnt so i told her

 

i wanted to break up so we did and she moved out. but she said she couldnt be without me so she

 

wanted me back so i took her and she said she was gonna change so i said ok and she moved back

 

in...but nothing did change so i started loosing me feelings for her. all i wanted to do is make her

 

a better person. and we broke up again she moved out again. then we werent together for like a month

 

and she says she wants to move in with us because she hates living with her mom i didnt think much

 

of it so i said ok. and i started seeing this other girl (Girl1) and my ex would see me at home but

 

as friends. i went out with her for like 2 weeks. at the same time my ex was seeing some guy and was

 

txting me while she was on the date. anyways and didnt work out with (girl1) because all i could

 

think of was my ex. i almost slept with the girl i had my pants off and she was ontop of me but no

 

intercourse at all and i threw her off and left couldnt do it.on the way home i called my ex asked

 

if she ate she said no so i stoped for some mc donalds. got home started talking to her told her

 

everything that happened. and i told her i wanted to be with her again so we agreed to be a couple

 

again and we slept togther(sex).The next day she told me then my ex kept begging me to get back

 

with her but the next morning she asked me so what are we and it pissed me off so i said friends.i

 

kept thinking nothing would change. so i saw anther woman (girl2) but the same thing happened and i

 

broke up wtih her even though we were planing to sleep togther the next day. and my ex was moving

 

out and went to go look for a job but she only applied to one place then went to go see a friend

 

that she just met dressed nicer then she would for me. i couldnt take it i begged her to come back

 

with me and she finally agreed but when she did i had a gut feeling she did somthing with the guy so

 

i asked her and she said she slept with him and gave him oral. she said she didnt care what happened

 

because she was heart broken. and it was the first time they met and only talking for like 2-3

 

weeks. she also said she was thinking of me when she was doing it with the guy but if that was true

 

wouldnt she have gotten up and left like i did? but when i think about it she didnt look sad or

 

ashamed when she saw me after she just did that. that day. so i was still with her and i wasnt doing

 

so good espically because she didnt give me oral anymore and its like it was her first time meeting

 

the guy so i went back to the 2nd girl i dated. but then again it came to all i could think of was

 

my ex so i went back to her and i couldnt think of what she did and what cant she do to me so went

 

back to the 2nd girl again but same crap happened so i went back with my ex. then she started saying

 

how i didnt love her and how i dont hold her hand anymore but thats because i felt like a kid when i

 

did. but i still spent every minute i could with her. when we moved in together i joined the air

 

national guard and got life insurence and told my ex i but it under my moms name and she got mad

 

saying why didnt i put her.and the guy she slept with was in the air national guard.same freakin

 

base and everything, for a while i wasnt to happy to go. this april i got sent to basic training but

 

got kicked out becuase i told them i was suicidal because my girl slept with some guy and i wanted

 

to kill myself while i was waiting to be sent to basic. and i wanted to be in the military all my

 

life. so before i went to basic training i hung out with the 2nd girl i dated. my gf found out and

 

she broke up with me. and when i came back we got back together but we would fight alot and lately

 

she wouldnt go with anything i said like i want a streetbike and she would be like for what your

 

never gonna use it and if i wanted a truck she would give me crap for it like not support me.and her

 

mom was moving back in with them because she was in california but wanted to come back and she

 

started pushing me more to get a apartment.but we both didnt have a steady job and i told her i want a steay job first then we can move in and she never saved up money always wanted me to do the saving up or somthing.and when we broke up she said (i wasnt serious because we didnt have a apartment together and her mom told her that.and her mom called her a .but now she says she wants to make her family come together.) then we went to the movie theater and i saw the 2nd girl

 

i dated their and i didnt say anything to my ex or the girl and after the movie ended i rushed out

 

of the theater so we wouldnt run into her.but my ex got mad and said why didnt i tell her was i

 

ashmed to be seen with her and i told her no thats not it i didnt want to ruin the whole day becuase

 

i know how she is and she would be mad the whole day..but she was mad the rest of the day anyway,

 

seemed like no matter what i did to try to avoid problems she always created them and acted like i

 

was a bad guy..i broke it off with her and i want her back now.she says she doesnt want a

 

relationship with someone but wants me as a friend but i cant do that because i want her as

 

more.then she told me after a while that we can be friends now then maybe try later again. but she

 

changed her mind saying she doesnt want me anymore says she needs space to her self and her family

 

hates me and i dont know what to do? when she came over she wouldnt be all lovey dovey or anything

 

she would just sit there or read a book i would try to mess with her and she would get mad. when we

 

were together she would txt me morning my love and i would reply but not as fast i would be busy or

 

sometimes i would forget but i would reply within like 2hrs max... i thought of getting matching

 

tattoos with each others names she didnt want to but we did it, we got the tattoos the first 2

 

years. and i told her why she never dressed fancy for me and anything but she would say she does but

 

she wore the same shirt type all the time just different color. anything she wanted i would buy her.

 

So i dont know what to do anymore was it all my fault. was i a bad bf. we were together for 5 years

 

and she always said first 2 were the best.always threw it in my face.

[Clinton]

It takes two to make a relationship and two to break it. Learn from this. You two had an exceptionally dysfunctional relationship and it was doomed to failure. Work on yourself and getting yourself to a healthier place before you try dating anyone else.

[ezloshead]

You've been busy, haven't you?

I agree with Clinton. This relationship is only hurting you both. It sounds like you both need to learn how to be complete people without a relationship or everyone you date will walk away.

[nol703]

You've been busy, haven't you?

I agree with Clinton. This relationship is only hurting you both. It sounds like you both need to learn how to be complete people without a relationship or everyone you date will walk away.

 

any advice on this then^^^

[SooSad33]

You two need to be apart. Constant break up & back together is unhealthy.

So is the on again off again gf thing then back to your Ex here.

 

There is NO stability with your two. YOu're all over the place. This is not love at all.

 

I feel you two are just NOT compatible. You may as well say you tried, but it just isn't working.

 

You need to both back off. Stop bothering each other, and start working on yourselves for a while, on your own.

Stop this silly back n forth action. That doesn't do either of you justice.

 

You need some down time to work on your own stability with your life. So leave her alone, don't chase, don't call, nothing!

It isn't fair on her if you're with someone else nor is it far on you if she's doing it.

 

It's just wrong.. and toxic.

 

Time to accept it's not working. You both need to admit it and start to move on.

[nol703]

Thanks for the advice.. but it feels so wrong to move on.and i want to know if it was all my fault?

[Mari]

Thanks for the advice.. but it feels so wrong to move on.and i want to know if it was all my fault?

 

It's your choice. If you don't want to move on, make a case as to why you think this is a good relationship for both you and her. List out all of the things that you're willing to change and let her know you're willing to change whatever else she wants. Once you've got this list, actually change. That means you hold her hand regularly whether you feel in love with her or not. It means you don't end the relationship when you ask her to change and she still does nothing, gets fired from job, and just stays at home. If you're willing to meet her needs without her meeting yours, or perhaps you can negotiate and get her to meet some of yours some of the time, and this relationship is still worth it for you then stay. No thinking that things are going to improve, it's just you taking care of her with little to no expectations in return. No more breakups past that agreement thinking that you may get back together. And if you do breakup, it's final, you never go back. You try your hardest until you can't try anymore and if you can't stay you leave knowing that you did your best and that there's nothing else left to do.

 

Alternatively, you could stop dating people until you no longer feel it "wrong" to be with someone else and then go for someone new. Good luck.