Mother frightened of terrorists

[Hoagy]

I don't want to make this a religious thread but my mother is very upset and frightened about the threat of terrorists. I know it might seem irrational but she seems to imagine there is going to be open murders in British streets and the black flag of ISIS flying over Buckingham Palace. I've tried to reassure her that our police and MI5/MI6 are very good at protecting us from these threats but I can tell she's still deeply worried.

 

Don't know what else I can say to her

[Moontiger]

At the root of it is an issue wit anxiety. This is just what she has latched onto. The bottom line is there is nothing you can do. She needs to deal with her anxiety, possibile even see a therapist about it.

[lavenderdove]

Is this a recent change in her, and how old is she? Sudden onset of paranoia can be a sign of mental illness or the beginnings of senility and Alzheimers or a brain tumor or biochemical imbalance, which can strike as early as middle age in some people. If this is a sudden and atypical change in behavior, she needs to get to a doctor for evaluation.

 

If she has always been a prejudiced/paranoid person, this is just another manifestation of that and you need to just tell her she's being silly and needs to forget about it. Terrorists can do random damage, but taking over a whole modernized Western country is something very unlikely to happen from random bands of them.

[annie24]

well, statistically speaking, she's more likely to die from being hit by a car, having a stroke, having a heart attack, etc... than dying from a random bombing in her town. Particularly if she doesn't live in a large city like London. I wonder what LD does - is this a new thing?

[Hoagy]

She's always been the worrying type (mothers worry - fact of life) so this isn't really new, just different. She often gets upset about things she sees on the television news or reads in the papers. But I don't think she's worried just for herself per se, more like a general worry about stuff happening here that has (so far) only happened over there.

 

As for me; I wasn't really bothered about it until now. When they upset my mum, it becomes personal.

[lavenderdove]

You can't live another person's feelings for her. If she brings it up, just tell her she's getting carried away, and the likelihood of that happen is far far less than her getting struck by lightning. And if she obsesses about it, she needs therapy and you should encourage her to go.

 

btw, this could also be her way of getting attention from her son (you)! Poor mummy is about to get attacked by terrorists! High drama and attention getting behavior to have you fuss all over her and pay attention to her and have long talks about her feelings and trying to reassure her that you'll always be there for her.

 

So don't encourage this line of thought. If she brings it up, a quick 30 second explanation that she's more likely to get struck by lighting so don't waste her time worrying about it, then change the subject to something pleasant. Take her out for a fun activity and don't get sucked into endless raking over her fears or feelings or encouraging this kind of dramatic attention getting behavior. She's an adult and needs to own them and quit using them to get attention from you. Not a healthy mother/son dynamic at all, so change it.

[Mellie]

Hoagy, we're on high alert of terrorism in the UK right now. It's on the news all the time. It's splashed all over the newspaper headlines. ISIS is a threat, even here, on our little island.

 

(I'd like to point out that I have nothing against Muslims, just like I have nothing against Christians, Jews, Sikhs, Buddhists or Hindus. I was in Egypt when the revolution broke out, and I was looked after by an Egyptian family like I was one of their own.)

 

Fundamentalists, be they Muslims, Christians, even atheists (look what happened in Norway). They're another story. There's no reasoning with them. But even so. You're still more likely to get struck by lightning than caught in some terrorist event.

 

Next week it'll be ebola. Or bird flu. Or McDonalds food. The press like to work us up in a frenzy, because it sells papers (I blame the Daily Mail, for most things).

[DancingFool]

She's always been the worrying type (mothers worry - fact of life) so this isn't really new, just different. She often gets upset about things she sees on the television news or reads in the papers. But I don't think she's worried just for herself per se, more like a general worry about stuff happening here that has (so far) only happened over there.

 

As for me; I wasn't really bothered about it until now. When they upset my mum, it becomes personal.

 

Oh? So what are you going to do? Honestly, a bit unhealthy attitude. Your mum is an adult who is fully in control of and capable of managing her emotions.

 

If you want to help her, then do her a favor and tell her to turn off the telly. That's it. Constant sensationalist bombardment from media gone wild is bound to get to just about anyone. Some years back, I noticed that my own mother suddenly started to act funny - anxious about men and accusing every single guy I went on a date with of being some kind of a hidden creep, rapist, pervert, or killer....er...umm....yeah...mom.... Finally I started asking her what she is doing with her free time and had to sit her down and tell her directly that she needs to stop watching the "all men are creeps" movies every single night as it's starting to pervert her view of men and life at large. She actually paid attention and stopped. Sometimes, that's all it takes. A very simple cut it out instead of engaging, humoring, or validating their anxieties by trying to pacify them. It's counter intuitive, but it works.