Cancelled Dates, Unknown Friends

[msconfused]

So I have been dating this guy for a bit over two months now. We met on an internet site almost 4 months ago then talked for the next two months before finally going out. We met and I'm sorry to say (and I feel sorry for myself) but most of our meetings are in the bedroom. Yes, he took me out once but believe me, he never shuts up about how y I was just so he would take me out. And I can explain myself why I was y. On the start of our relationship, we planned on going out and I told him that I want a normal relationship- like one that would have dates and all that- go out, see the world and not just the confinements of my bedroom and he agreed. So, first, we planned on a movie night- on the night of that movie night, he suddenly stopped messaging and then the next morning told me that he fell asleep because he's 'tired from work'. Second, we planned it again, he cancelled at the last minute because he forgot because he was busy and when I got angry- he gave me that 'I feel sick, you don't care about me' speech. So ever since I felt that if I don't step my foot down, he will never do it so I became a at him and practically annoyed him to take me out. Should I be sorry for ing at him to take me out? So we went out and watched a movie and when we got home, he never shut up about how much of a 'princess' I was for getting what I want and being selfish and.. you must all get the drift.

 

So a few nights ago, he told me that he would take me out on a dinner Saturday night and I rushed through my job just so I can get home and be ready. But on my way home, he suddenly messaged me and told me that 'Claire' (his assistant and dear friend) broke her arm and he would need to go to the emergency room. Is it wrong to feel hurt? I never knew Claire- I never know any of his friends for God's sake and he lives with his ex (which is also a good friend for him and had been friends for years before being in a relationship then it not working). There's always someone messaging his phone even in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning and he would say that it's from work. Is it selfish to want to break up with him right now? I know when I tell him this, he would say that I'm immature and I don't step up for him. Because right now, I feel like I don't know a thing about him. I don't know anyone around him. I feel used. I feel like . I never even got inside his house yet because he kept on telling me that it's messy but he would keep on telling me that he cooked for his ex's friends.

 

I don't know.

 

Please give me advice on what to do.

[missmarple]

You know what to do. Break up with him. Lots of red flags here to last a lifetime.

[Ranz Rey]

He's using you! A man that respects and like you enough would want to make you happy, even if it's taking you out for a few hours in the night. He seems like a selfish bastard who only cares for his own needs. End it now because you know you deserve better and can get better no matter how old, fat, skinny, good looking or ugly you are. because there is nothing more sexy than confidence and self worth!

[Iggles]

You teach people how to treat you. Continuing with this man despite his flakiness taught him canceling plans and mainly contacting you for bed sessions is ok -- you'll be annoyed but will accept his half-baked apologies.

 

He'll keep coming around for sex until he gets bored or locks down another prospect. He's not integrated into you life, so there's zero accountability. For all you know the "ex" is his current girlfriend. Have you met her?

[ParisPaulette]

You've made a common mistake of thinking that someone who has sex with you wants a relationship with you, but that simply isn't true. People can have sex with you, and happily, without even liking you let alone wanting anything else. You keep letting him use you, then cry that he's using you. Stop it, get some self-esteem, delete his number and block him and move the heck on to guys who will actually date you and maybe want something more.

 

You are not obligated to put up with crap from the first guy who expresses any interest in you. You are not obligated to put up with someone mistreating you. You are not obligated to do anything that is without your consent and that you didn't agree to in the first place. I would say rather than all this trying to force him to be something and someone he's not, just because he'll give you the time of day when he wants to get laid, that you need to go and date a ton of guys. Yes, a ton and for a good long while like a year, so that you get to realize not every guy out there is in it just for the sex, that you can say no, that you can ask someone to respect you and if they don't you have another date lined up with someone who will.

 

You will, yes likely have to kiss a bunch of toads before you find a prince so to speak. The trick is to not decide the first toad that waddles up has to be a prince and gosh darn it you are going to stick with it until the end of time insisting he's your prince when come on, anyone including you knows this is just another toad who wants to get laid. When you have to nag a guy to take you out it's over before it ever began. Either own that you like the sex and this is just a sexual relationship aka you go get naked then go out with someone else afterwards OR you break things off rather than hanging on to him for dear life when he clearly has no intentions of taking you out and never did, because he doesn't want to date you, just F you. And the reason you don't know anything about him including what his house looks like is because he's not interested in sharing his life with you at all. He is also likely having sex with plenty of other women and possibly in a committed relationship with someone else, which explain the whole keeping his life under wraps and not wanting to take you anywhere but your bedroom too. At any rate he has no intentions of sharing his life with you and that's painfully clear.

 

Remember you teach others how to treat you. And yes, that is true.