Need Help Getting Over My Post-Break Up Issues

[omegaman21]

Hey all,

I've never actually done this before....

But thank you all for listening...

My name is Joseph and I'm 23,

A few weeks ago, my worst fear came to life,

My (now ex) girlfriend, Brittany, broke up,

We had been together for a bit over 2 years...

We broke up because she had fallen out of love with me...

She felt like I was criticizing her too much,

And there more than likely some truth to what she said,

And I won't make excuses for it,

But work was stressful and I was criticized and can only assume I was doing the same to her,

But of course, not with the intent to hurt to her,

I would often ask her to commit to things that were necessary for a life-long relationship,

I asked her to manage her money better, be on time for things between us, and I asked for her to be honest about actually wanting to have sex when I would ask (she would often lie about being in the mood for sex and ask me wait for hours for nothing to happen),

After work started stressing me out, I started repeating these things to her more often as I noticed them,

This made her distance herself from me and "fall out of love" with me,

Of course, I had not noticed the distance until it was months later because at this point I had JUST dug myself out the hole my job had put me in,

So, it wasn't more than a few weeks before things were over and I couldn't do anything about it.

Of course, after we woke up, I broke down, I would cry, I wanted her to take me back (and still do), I begged her to take me back, she wanted to be friends, and I couldn't handle that, we would go back and forth on the slope of friends and acquaintances because I couldn't pull myself together well enough to do be consistent,

I was in pieces...but after a while, I found a way to piece myself together...I wanted to prove to her that I loved her and asked her out on a date...

She agreed, but then I found out that another guy had asked her out and she said yes...

I was devastated....I couldn't stop thinking about how she was going to never get back with me...

My mind went haywire and I started to have a panic attack...it was the second panic attack I ever had, but this one severely outclassed the previous one....

As time went on and approached the day for our date, I began having more panic attacks and freaking more.....I couldn't eat much...I couldn't sleep more than 4 hours a day...Everything hurt...

I have given her everything...something that I had NEVER done with anyone in my life...

She and I had been through so much in the 2 years of our relationship...and the 3 years of friendship we had prior..

Before we got together, as stated, we were friends for many years,

So I knew her very well,

She was incapable of having sex due to an unknown condition, she also was prone to panic attacks and had bad anxiety as well,

Fully aware of all of this, I still pressed forward into a relationship with her,

Over the course of our relationship, I helped her combat her depression, anxiety, and diagnosed her condition, known as Vaginismus.

Not only did I help her diagnose it, I helped her BEAT it...

This was something that she feared for life because she wanted to be able to have sex and she wanted to have kids as well,

The battle with all of these things were constant, but I was still willing despite how frustrating and unhappy any of these things made me because I wanted her to be better than she was,

I wanted her to help her improve herself and I had accomplished exactly that...

I was her first, and she declared that she wanted me to be her only...

I directed 2+ years of time, life, love, and energy into helping her even though she would fight me through almost every bit of it all...

But she could not try and stick with me at the end, despite all of the sacrifices I've made for her...

I begged and pleaded with her multiple times, but to no avail...

And as things went on...

My panic attacks got worse...I still can't sleep well...and appetite is still bad...

I can't stop thinking about her falling in love with this guy...

It makes me so mad because she barely knows him and all he did was say one sentence and she decides it's cool to go out on dates with him,

While it took me months to convince her to go on a date with me...

It's so frustrating and my mind won't stop assaulting me with these thoughts...

I'm doing what I can to keep them at bay...but it only works to a degree....

I want to get back together with her...

But I need to get better first and thinking about this guy's presence is making me feel like ....

I need help...

I've done so much and I don't want things to end here....

[No1]

So do you want a medal for everything you did for her? What you did for her is what a guy is supposed to do in a relationship. You had your ups and your downs, your good and bad moments, but the simple truth is that you two are just not meant to be together. I think you are hurt because several time you mentioned how you did things for her and now you feel entitled that all of your work meant nothing and how could she leave me for another guy after all that I done.

It takes two to make a relationship work my friend. You could give her the world but if she is not willing to do anything for you then what kind of a relationship are you in? I noticed you said something and I want you to see if this makes sense to you. You said earlier in your post that she would often tease you with sex, make you wait for hours then nothing would happen, then you say that she was unable to have sex and you accepted that and continued the relationship anyway. So why would you get so upset about making you wait for sex? You took out your frustrations towards by criticizing her. How she handles her money or what ever else you said. And if you look at it, it was really a One Way type of relationship. You did everything for her and she gave very little in return, but it made you happy helping her.

She is going to date other guys, she will probably in all reality fall in love with someone else at some point. You honestly cant believe she will always love you only and be single with 12 cats do you? She will date other guys. They are not better than you, so dont try to compare yourself to them.

The relationship is over. I know you dont want to hear it, but it has to be said. She was no longer willing to put any effort into being with you. So when that happens instead of trying to hold on, you let go. You are a free man to find someone else who is emotionally available to you, someone who is willing to put in effort as you are. Everything is going to be okay without her being your romantic partner.