summerlovin Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Hey guys! This isn't a getting back together story at all. Just wanted to share that sometimes exes do contact you even after 100% NC and a bad breakup. Background: Dated from ages 16-18, first loves. He broke up with me 1.5 years ago, saying he "wasn't sure what he wanted" and "wanted to figure out his life alone" followed by a complete 180 degree turn in his behavior to partying. Also found out he kissed one of his female friends a few days before he broke up with me, so the last convo we had wasn't a pleasant one at all and he blocked me on all social media. I was a disaster after it. I didn't contact him at all and moved on with my life, tried new things, changed my career path, and I've currently been in a happy and healthy relationship for 7 months. I learned so much from that relationship and realized breaking up was bound to happen anyway. Figured I'd never hear from him again. Got a text from him last night for the first time in 1.5 years saying that he apologizes for everything that happened, he realized the way he treated me right before the breakup was horrible and that he still feels bad about it to this day. I answered saying I appreciate that he reached out to me, no hard feelings and I realized the breakup was necessary as well. We caught up about our lives like old friends, and I suggested that out of respect to my current significant other, we go back to no contact with maybe a text catch up once in a blue moon. No mention of reconciling or that he regretted the breakup or made a mistake, so I'm not saying he's trying to get back with me. Just wanted to let people know that even if it seems like it didn't hurt your ex at all to break up with you, it most likely did and they probably feel guilty about it. It's not that they don't care about you, they just are too scared of what your reaction might be to reach out to you. That's why you have to heal and forgive them for your own peace of mind, and if a sincere apology comes later, that's just a bonus. And by that time you won't even feel any type of way over them contacting you, it'll just be like, "wait, you still exist?" Lol Hope this might help people heal and come to terms with the fact that your ex isn't a heartless human being and probably feels remorse about hurting you. Link to comment
BentGattling Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 . Just wanted to let people know that even if it seems like it didn't hurt your ex at all to break up with you Excellent post as to the power of NC. Many times you feel like the relationship had no impact, but unless the other person is a sociopath, it did. Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Excellent post as to the power of NC. Many times you feel like the relationship had no impact, but unless the other person is a sociopath, it did. Definitely! For a while after the breakup I thought "Did he really not care at all? How can he just fall off the earth like that?" But now I know he's been ruminating about it for all this time while I moved on with my life. Link to comment
I messed up Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 This thread makes me feel a lot better. I was never in an actual relationship with this girl, but we were pretty close. She led me on ( see "I accidently got led on"), but we were pretty good friends for a few months. I asked her out, and she didn't feel the same way. I asked her if we should stop talking to eachother, and its been about a week with no response. It makes me feel like she never actually cared about me, when I know that can't possibly be true. The silence feels horrible, but your thread makes me feel a lot better that she is more than likely thinking about me. Thank you. Link to comment
and so it goes Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Good post. Need to hear more of this kind of thing. Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 This thread makes me feel a lot better. I was never in an actual relationship with this girl, but we were pretty close. She led me on ( see "I accidently got led on"), but we were pretty good friends for a few months. I asked her out, and she didn't feel the same way. I asked her if we should stop talking to eachother, and its been about a week with no response. It makes me feel like she never actually cared about me, when I know that can't possibly be true. The silence feels horrible, but your thread makes me feel a lot better that she is more than likely thinking about me. Thank you. I'm glad it could help you, that's why I posted my story Even though it feels like she never cared about you, she's probably thinking about you more than you could imagine. Maybe at first not so much, but after some time it really sinks in and begins to affect them. My ex even said he was afraid to contact me because he imagined the worst possible scenario where I flipped out on him. Just be resilient with no contact. If she contacts you, great, but if not, you WILL move on with your life and find better! Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Good post. Need to hear more of this kind of thing. Thank you I think too many people are still bitter/angry over their exes even years later and it's a waste of energy. That's why you have have to forgive them for your own happiness, and just in case they do contact you, you can have a civil conversation with them and tie up all the loose ends. I have no romantic feelings for my ex anymore but it's nice to know he was thinking of me all this time! Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Update: He followed me on Instagram and sent me a friend request on FaceBook. I told him that while I do appreciate him trying to reconnect with me, it's best if we aren't on such a personal level with social media. Link to comment
Flyer79 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Great post, thanks for sharing. I have the feeling this is exactly how my ex is feeling at this point in time. I am glad to see you have moved on and happy again Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Great post, thanks for sharing. I have the feeling this is exactly how my ex is feeling at this point in time. I am glad to see you have moved on and happy again Thanks Flyer, I appreciate the kind words! I bet this is how your ex is feeling, but there are plenty of reasons an ex would be afraid to reach out. How long have you guys been broken up for? Link to comment
Flyer79 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 No worries Just on 5 weeks been broken up for, he reached out a few days after the break up to see how I was doing, and yeah I kind of flipped out and haven't heard from him since then. I am sure he is thinking I will be 'annoyed' at him if he tries to make contact at this point in time.. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Good stuff. Glad that's done & dealt with. And good of you to react with NOT continuing constant communications again. I agree. tc Link to comment
MonWedFri Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 The other person is always thinking about you if it was a serious relationship. It's what they do with those thoughts and impulses that matter. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 No....the other person is not always thinking of you! And it is a disservice to yourself to believe they are. Most dumpers have checked out before the break. And they gave it some thought...and many will feel bad about hurting you. And some may one day apologize for their behavior with NO intention of reconciliation. Most break ups happen for a reason and both parties are better served by moving on. Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 No....the other person is not always thinking of you! And it is a disservice to yourself to believe they are. Most dumpers have checked out before the break. And they gave it some thought...and many will feel bad about hurting you. And some may one day apologize for their behavior with NO intention of reconciliation. Most break ups happen for a reason and both parties are better served by moving on. I'm confused by your post because I wasn't implying that my ex wanted to reconcile. I said that I knew my ex didn't say anything pertaining to reconciliation at all and that he just texted to apologize. I moved on with my life, never thought I'd hear from him again. I posted my story to show people that even when it feels like your ex didn't care about hurting you, they most likely did care , they just have their own reasons not to contact. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I was replying to the post above mine. I think you handled it very well. Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 I was replying to the post above mine. I think you handled it very well. Oh! Sorry, my mistake But I agree with you. There's a big difference between apologizing because they need to get it off their chest, and actually realizing they made a mistake and wanting to reconcile. Link to comment
erklat Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I read the thread twice and I still can't figure why does it matter what they do and why is it relevant to your life. Contacting you to ease their guilt is an act of selfishness and their apology or any other contact for any reason whatsoever is as useless as a chocolate teapot. I'm sorry but I don't see any benefit dumpees could have from situation like this. Link to comment
summerlovin Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 I read the thread twice and I still can't figure why does it matter what they do and why is it relevant to your life. Contacting you to ease their guilt is an act of selfishness and their apology or any other contact for any reason whatsoever is as useless as a chocolate teapot. I'm sorry but I don't see any benefit dumpees could have from situation like this. Oh I agree, I could have gone on with my life without the apology, and I never expected to hear from him again. I actually deleted his number so long ago, that when I got the text I was like "who is this?" and couldn't believe he still existed. I had absolutely no clue what was going on with his life because I never even checked lol. I guess for me it just felt like it tied up the loose ends. Nobody likes to end things with someone on a bad note, and our recent conversation cleared the air. Now if I ever run into him in public or something, it won't have to be an awkward avoid each other situation, we can just be like "hey how's it going" and continue on with our days. So for me, there was a benefit, because I don't like to be on a bad note with anyone at all. Yes, he obviously did contact me to ease his guilt, which he made evident by saying "I've been thinking about this for a while and I feel bad", but I don't see that as an act of selfishness. He's human too with a conscience and felt guilty about hurting someone he cared about, why does that make him a bad person because he wanted to get it off his chest? He deserves to know I don't hate him for what he did if it helps him sleep at night lol Link to comment
JiveTurkeyJoe Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Good job on moving on, but why is this posted in "Getting Back Together?" Link to comment
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