Not Interested? Or am I just too Impatient?

[guiltyflood]

hello,

 

About two weeks ago, I went on a date with a girl who I met on Tinder. She works a job at a startup, and is typically at the office until 9pm. so, we met up for a latenight drink, had fun getting to know each other, and pretty much hung out for 2 hours until midnight. We both said we'd like to go on a second date. Two days after the first date, she messaged me her number. The next day, I texted her for some small talk. She again stated that she would like to do a 2nd date, but because of time issues (I was traveling at the time, she was busy working), she said a 2nd date would have to wait a week. On Thursday, she mentioned meeting tonight (Tues) for dinner. I said that sounded swell.

 

Well, last night, after 5 days of not-texting, I asked her if she would still be down for dinner. No response, yet. She is slow with texting (because she sounds incredibly busy), but perhaps there would have been an effort to be made if she still wanted to meet up for dinner.

 

am I reading the tea leaves too much? should I be a bit more patient? I figure the answers are yes and yes but I wonder what the community's thoughts are.

 

Thanks!

-GF

[missmarple]

Why did you not contact her at all during those 5 days?

[guiltyflood]

I was out of the country for 3 days, and I didn't want to engage in long text conversations or appear to be "too needy".

[BigKK]

I think your mistake was not trying to confirm the date earlier, like let's say on Saturday or Sunday so you both knew you were going on a date with some more notice.

 

 

My girlfriend's roommate just stopped dating a tinder guy since according to her "he was lethargic with setting a date" Mind you Tinder can be interpreted as very casual dating...it's still dating, and ladies like to be romanced.

 

I was out of the country for 3 days, and I didn't want to engage in long text conversations or appear to be "too needy".

 

you're coming off a little uninterested, not needy

[notalady]

So you had agreed to meet for dinner tonight, and when you texted to confirm last night, she didn't respond? That doesn't sound like she's interested. If she was but too busy to go, she would have responded to arrange another date, but she didn't, and it's been a whole day since you texted and no response? I think it's over. But, if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, you can try texting her again in a day or two just to say hi and see if she responds.

[guiltyflood]

Fascinating. Guess I tried too hard to play the casual card a little too much. Always have to balance things a bit better. Thanks for the feedback!

 

Any idea on what my next steps should be?

[guiltyflood]

I got back last night, and sent the text late last night when I was off of the airplane. It is noontime now here. So not a whole day but yeah significant time.

[notalady]

I was out of the country for 3 days, and I didn't want to engage in long text conversations or appear to be "too needy".

 

So she knows you were out of the country and won't be able to contact her, yes?

 

But I agree with BigKK, you should have tried to confirm earlier rather than leaving it till the night before. Unless you were out of the country until Monday?

[guiltyflood]

that would be correct.

[notalady]

I got back last night, and sent the text late last night when I was off of the airplane. It is noontime now here. So not a whole day but yeah significant time.

 

Ok thanks for the context, sorry there's time difference for me haha.. Ok noon isn't too bad, not all hope is lost yet in that case, especially if she's a bit slow in her responses normally. There's still a chance she may respond.

[guiltyflood]

It is 12:30 where I am right now. We agreed on 8:30 dinner for tonight. I guess I should send a follow up text.

 

At this point, it is pretty obvious that I am overtly conscious about appearing too needy and maybe that has backfired. I really enjoyed the first date we had so if she has moved on I will be disappointed but not the end of the world.

[notalady]

It is 12:30 where I am right now. We agreed on 8:30 dinner for tonight. I guess I should send a follow up text.

 

At this point, it is pretty obvious that I am overtly conscious about appearing too needy and maybe that has backfired. I really enjoyed the first date we had so if she has moved on I will be disappointed but not the end of the world.

 

It's good that you had already set a time, I think wait till early to mid afternoon to send a follow up text. Does she know for sure she'll finish work in time to meet you or is it a bit uncertain until closer to the time or later in the day when she knows her work load for the day a bit better?

[guiltyflood]

Well as she put it it was "8:30ish" so not a complete set time but a general time. And yeah, the first time we met she did give the impression that work was incredibly busy and unpredictable at times. Still, a response would be nice. In the past, she would wait a day before responding to text messages, so it's not unprecedented.

 

Just with a set date planned tonight I would have hoped for a response. Oh well.

[weathergirl]

On Thursday, she mentioned meeting tonight (Tues) for dinner. I said that sounded swell.

 

 

GF, I am curious, after you said "that sounded swell," was there any communication at all after that? Did she respond back to that text?

 

To me, your response sounds a little open-ended. Perhaps (for next time), it would be better to say "sure, let me take you to XXXXXXX, what time is good for you?" Or some variation thereof. So that your plans are more definitive and not so open-ended.

 

If there was no communication after that, until five days later (your text last night)...then she may have interpreted that as meaning you're not all that interested.

 

If she did respond to your text and you did set a time, etc. then nevermind what I just said. SHE may be the one who isn't all that interested.

[notalady]

Yea a response would have been nice lol..definitely send a follow up text maybe early mid afternoon? Just in case it's too early for her to know her work of the day yet, or she had been busy all morning or something.

 

Waiting a day (previously) to respond sound uninterested, like she can take it or leave it. Or she too is trying to play it cool lol! I guess you'll have to wait to find out.

[guiltyflood]

Yeah, that is probably the better route to take moving forward. Just tried to play it too cool on my end, I guess!

 

for further detail, she originally suggested Monday for drinks, then pushed it to tonight for dinner. I do believe her work actually does take up quite a bit of time so she also wanted to leave it open-ended b/c of that.

 

I'll send her a follow-up text in a bit. I am just getting back into the dating scene again after being single for 3 months. So it's always a learning experience. Also, being incredibly busy with travel and work at this time certainly doesn't help, either.

 

thanks again!

[citydweller]

You should just text her whenever you feel like unless of course it's every minute.

 

She might be busy, she might be playing games, she might not like you, who knows? All you can really control is what you do and think; it seems like you're way overthinking this entire situation. As a side note, FWIW, I work 14+ hour days and usually get back to people who I want to at least within a few hours.

 

Stop worrying about this one girl you met on Tinder once, quite frankly if you're meeting girls online take all interactions with a grain of salt (esp if she's under 30) and have multiple girls in rotation.

[BigKK]

You should just text her whenever you feel like unless of course it's every minute.

 

She might be busy, she might be playing games, she might not like you, who knows? All you can really control is what you do and think; it seems like you're way overthinking this entire situation. As a side note, FWIW, I work 14+ hour days and usually get back to people who I want to at least within a few hours.

 

Stop worrying about this one girl you met on Tinder once, quite frankly if you're meeting girls online take all interactions with a grain of salt (esp if she's under 30) and have multiple girls in rotation.

 

I agree with citydweller, not all is lost. But if she was ecstatic to meet up with you, she'd find a second to respond. (it's a text after all)

 

It doesn't mean you NECESSARILY did anything wrong, me personally, I like to firm up a date a few days in advance, so there is no if's and's or but's. If she's not interested, she will start cancelling or re-scheduling, and it makes it easy to see...becomes quite transparent, and I won't try after 1 or 2 cancellations. It's tinder, the first date may of went well...and then she had a few days and changed her mind.

 

If she's an attractive young girl, she's getting a ton of matches, a bunch of date invitations, and a lot of choice. So sometimes something better comes along, they lose quick interest, or just like doing quick casual dating, 1 or 2 dates and move on.

Or she's busy and will respond back.

 

Or she figured you didn't care. At this point it doesn't matter.

 

Let us know if she ever responded

[notalady]

Let us know the progress! I'm interested to know, haha

[guiltyflood]

I sent her a follow-up text an hour ago but still no response yet. Probably winds up being nothing which in that case onto the next one but knowing her tendencies from the last 2 weeks she very well could respond tomorrow with, "OMG I'm so sorry I was swamped can I make it up to you later tonight?" haha

 

so we will see. will keep you all informed =)

[DancingFool]

I sent her a follow-up text an hour ago but still no response yet. Probably winds up being nothing which in that case onto the next one but knowing her tendencies from the last 2 weeks she very well could respond tomorrow with, "OMG I'm so sorry I was swamped can I make it up to you later tonight?" haha

 

so we will see. will keep you all informed =)

 

In that case, I'd wish her well and send her on her way. I have been busy and I know busy and I have dated busy while being busy....all I can tell you is that when you are into someone, you'll never pull the above stunt and nobody is so freakishly busy that they can't spare 15 seconds for a "sorry swamped, need a rain check for tonight pretty please".

[guiltyflood]

yeah, probably. I'm not holding my breath over it.

[guiltyflood]

well she just responded! it's on for tonight. yay

[weathergirl]

well she just responded! it's on for tonight. yay

 

Yippee! Update tomorrow!

[guiltyflood]

UPDATE!!

 

2nd date went great. Met at 8:30 at a semi-fancy spot in a fancy city. Ended up chatting for about 3 hours over drinks and hors d'oeuvres, discussing our recent busy jobs and busy weekends (travel for me, friends in town for her). Walked her back to her car and we ended up kissing twice. We agreed on meeting again late Friday. This time, I'll probably maintain consistent contact through text, though she has set the expectation that she might take quite a while to respond to text messages for various reasons.

 

Thanks all for the advice!!