I don't know how fwb goes, but it seems he's crossed the line.

[kittykatt2214]

FWB, maybe? This guy I've know for several years and I started talking after my break up about 5 mos ago. Well we hung out a few times and then we had sex. We hung out a couple times after that, and had sex most of those times and then we didn't talk or hang out much after that, for a few weeks. Then we started talking and we'd hang out, visit his friend or ride his bike, go to his place and have sex. So I was under the impression we were just sleeping together.. here recently we've talked more and hung out, 3 times in the past week, twice that ended in sex. He invited me to go eat with him and his family, I didn't go but he came and seen me afterwards. I don't know what's going on. Not for certain how actual fwb works. I've had a fb before but we weren't friends, didn't stay the night and didn't hangout. Totally the opposite of what I have with this guy. How do I go about setting some guidelines and getting out in the open what we're both looking for. I'm fine with what we have, just lately it's thrown me off,I don't want to define it and mess up what we have, but I don't want us continuing this with different end expectations. Advice please. We've never spoke of what we are or are looking for. I don't know if he's seeing and sleeping with other women. He's the only guy I've been sleeping with, though I have gone on a date or two, one was with just a friend. I would like to know if he's sleeping with other people, for my own safety, is it okay to ask about that? I don't even know how to begin that conversation, much less the "what are we doing". Mostly I just need some pointers on how to have these convoy with him, other than just flat out awkwardly saying where are we going and are you banging other women..

[eskimobobseal]

Are you sleeping with other women is not a bad thing to ask, especially if you're worried about your safety. (is he not wearing a condom? I know it feels about 500x better but be careful with that). Asking what you guys are isn't something to be ashamed of either. These are two legit questions that I've asked other women with no awkwardness at all. If you guys are adults, these are normal questions two sexually active adults should eventually ask each other. If its too awkward for you to do it face to face for whatever reason, do it over text. But just ask, there is no super secret formula to it. Ask him.

[kittykatt2214]

We are being safe, but even condoms aren't 100%. And I'm new to all of this, I've been out of the dating world for about 4 years and it's like I'm 15 all over again or something. I'm used to be so upfront and honest now, I'm just.. not. And nervous...

[CeeLambrini]

If you haven't clearly stated what your relationship is, then there is nothing to say that he assumes that there is no relationship. The way you both have been with each other doesn't indicate that you are simply just friends with benefits. To me, it could sound like the beginning of relationship, and maybe that is the way he is seeing it as well.

As for your health, of course it is fine to establish a boundary where you both agree to be exclusively sleeping with one another. He may take this question/comment as a shock, however, if he believes that you are exclusively starting a relationship anyway, so it is probably better to have the "where do we stand" talk first, before going into that.

 

It is your emotional and general wellbeing here. You have every right to state what you want, and you have every right to know if you are putting your health at risk.

It's funny how we are so comfortable taking our clothes off and letting someone see us naked physically, yet it is so difficult to open up and simply talk about what you are doing with that person.

[notalady]

I recently had that conversation myself. Basically I just casually asked "am I the only person you're sleeping with" and he said yep, the only one. And I said oh that's good, I don't like sharing and he said that's not his kind of thing, I said me neither. And that was the end of that conversation. If you want to make it even clearer you could maybe add that "let's keep it that way". Or something like that?

 

Be aware though that may lead to the "what are we" talk and you better be prepared to be upfront with your expectations (ie nothing serious), and be prepared for him to walk away if he wanted more.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's funny how we are so comfortable taking our clothes off and letting someone see us naked physically, yet it is so difficult to open up and simply talk about what you are doing with that person.

 

^

Between the above, and asking if they're sleeping with others after the fact, is something that completely baffles me. Either way, you're taking a huge risk, both physically and emotionally by sweeping this under the rug.

[lavenderdove]

>>We've never spoke of what we are or are looking for.

 

You don't have to make it a big deal.... but you really need that conversation. So next time you see him, just ask, 'hey, is what we are doing here a FWB thing, or are we dating?' That opens the door to talking about what you're looking for to see if you're on the same page. And if you're not on the same page, you just say, 'hey, no hard feelings, I've had fun, but we're not looking for the same thing so perhaps we need to cut this off now. I don't date guys who are seeing other women at the same time because it has more health risks and can get too complicated.'

[kittykatt2214]

And he texted me lastnight and said he missed seeing me, and I said I'm sure you do. He said "And by the way I don't mean that in the way you think.. I mean that in I miss just being around your beautiful self". Like what?? We're defn gunna have to have a talk tonight when I see him. I'm so nervous, bc my last relationship really made it to where I'm terrified to be even remotely romantic, or sweet on someone so I come off so cold. Wish me luck guys! Thanks for your help! Ceelambrini and Lavenderdove, great advice!!