AnalyzeThis Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Hello. My guy friend and I (I am a woman, both of us in our 40s) slept together after a happy hour and drinking. We were not drunk, though. He spent the night in my bed, woke up the next morning, and we had sex again. It was really intense for me. He seemed happy, but maybe for guys it is just sex. We hooked up like that twice again, and a fourth time I drove to his place after he called me. We laughed and joked about booty calls and Friends with Benefits. I thought we were both cool with how things were going. Until . . . he started acting weird around me in front of our group of friends. He and I knew each other for six months prior and we hung out together. I have the photos of us together, one posted on my Facebook page. He seems angry at me, now. Is he just embarrassed about the sex? He has made several comments to me about is that all I want? And why don't I want more, like he was willing to take me out to Italian restaurants. Honestly, I was buying time to see how we felt about each other outside of the bedroom. The physical intimacy between the two of us is incredible. But I don't want to be FWB if he is going to be angry. And I think it is silly to go back and "date" like nothing has happened. What do I do now? How can I get him to just be alone with me to talk to me, without thinking I want to just hook up again? I want to tell him as calmly as possible that the physical intimacy between us is great, and the friendship has been great, and I would like us to try at an exclusive relationship, to see if it works. If he is still dating around, what then? Can we start over? Please no lectures. I know he and I should have talked before we had sex, but we didn't. Link to comment
sk22545 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 What do I do now? How can I get him to just be alone with me to talk to me, without thinking I want to just hook up again? I want to tell him as calmly as possible that the physical intimacy between us is great, and the friendship has been great, and I would like us to try at an exclusive relationship, to see if it works. If he is still dating around, what then? Can we start over? Tell him this exactly. He is acting annoyed and disappointed because he wants to actually date you, but believes you just want him for sex. So tell him and show him otherwise, if you do indeed want to date him and not just have FWB. Link to comment
jennylove Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I see nothing but silver lining here. He is showing you what he is all about. Listen to him! And let him hit the high road. Do not worry about talking to him, going back to how u used to be, etc. Move on and dont look back. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Once you cross that line, the friendship is over. That said, it's unlikely you can back up, and "start over," after sending the message that you're willing to sleep with him, with NSA. Just my opinion... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 What do you mean he seems angry? Do you call him and he won't talk? How exactly is this playing out? It sounds like he's a little immature if he just started being angry toward you without even telling you what he's upset about. Link to comment
AnalyzeThis Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Well, we usually have a great time together out with our group of friends. He has always been a gentleman with me. This has all happened just over the last two months. Then I went out of town for work for a week. I came back and three days later, he called. I drove over to his house, but we just cuddled and kissed and watched a movie. I brought my dog over with me. That was the only time we have been alone together in the last couple of months where we did not have hours of kissing and foreplay and sex. He made a comment that I had been home for three days and hadn't contacted him. He usually contacts me. It just has surprised me, and I am not sure how this has all developed without us talking to each other about where we stand and what we want. He is out of town this week visiting his family in his home state. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 It sounds more like he isn't saying enough and being extra sensitive to your actions. This is all new, and yet he is already getting angry at you for how you are behaving about the whole thing. I agree that joking about FWB's and casual sex may have lead to the wrong idea but he is missing out already on a huge factor in a successful relationship - and that is communication. If this is fine with you, then by all means read the signs. For what we already know, he wants to be the first contacted once you're back from a trip. He also probably wants contact while you are on the trip as well. He wants you to initiate contact more - probably to show that you do want more than a friend with benefits. Perhaps when he gets back, propose some kind of dinner date. It doesn't mean starting over. You haven't 'passed' having dinner with someone, if you've only known him for 8 months then there's much more to talk about and get to know about him. You could also use that time to discuss what you want and where you stand with him and vice versa. It sounds to me like a lot of drama coming from a man in his 40's and a severe lacking in communication. Link to comment
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