lost and upset... help please!!

[clodhopper]

Ok I've posted several messages on here before about my situation... but for those that dont know what happened...

 

The basics - was with my boyfriend for 8 months (first 4 were long distance, other 4 was the summer when we were together)... heading into long distance again for 4 months, left him after a great last weekend together, he broke up with me a week later when we were in different cities.

 

He gave an initial reason of wanting to figure out the rest of his life other than me and just needed some space and time, but that he wasnt closing any doors on us and if he wanetd to be in a relationship it'd be with me. etc etc... so it was sad, but not definite.

 

Month later said his feelings for me got confused at the end of our relationship and he didnt know that he was IN love with me anymore, even though he loved me and cared for me. he needed time to sort himself out and he didnt know what the future held.

 

another month later after less contact with each other, he said he didnt see him being with me and that we were too different to be together and make it work, etc etc.

 

a conversation a little while after that he said that he just didnt want to talk about getting back together right now because he didnt see it right now. he said again he didnt know what would happen when we were both in the same place again and maybe something would change, but he'd rather cross that bridge if/when we came to it. so he asked that i please not talk about it cuz right now he didnt see that, and he wanted to just live his life right now and see what the future holds and go on whatever path life took him on, etc

 

so that was fine, we've been in some contact on msn and via email, but not that much. talking occasionally like i would to any other friend, mostly chit chat, nothing important.

 

now its 2 days til i go back to school for the next term and hes in the city now, and i'm scared to go back there. last term was horrible, i wasnt happy, i missed him terribly. been home for the holidays and thats been good, havent thought much about him except for when i talk to him on msn... yet now its so soon to possibly seeing him that i'm really scared.

 

the bottom line is that i miss him and i want us to have another chance to avoid the mistakes we made before. and i want to show him how i have changed for the better, like things about myself that caused problems in our relationship before (being too clingy, jealous etc) cuz i didnt have alot of experience before so i dont think i knew how to handle stuff when it happened. and i just want to show him that.

 

any suggestions at all???? anything i should or shuold not do? how should i act around him? any thoughts about anything would be really helpful, thanks guys!!!!!!

[annie24]

You said he said the following:

 

"he just didnt want to talk about getting back right now because he didnt see it right now. he said again he didnt know what would happen when we were both in the same place again and maybe something would change, but he'd rather cross that bridge if/when we came to it. so he asked that i please not talk about it cuz right now he didnt see that, and he wanted to just live his life right now and see what the future holds and go on whatever path life took him on, etc"

 

That kinda sounds like your answer for now. It sounds like he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you right now. It's probably not even about you, or something you did, his heart just may not be in it right now. The best thing you can do is get back to school and just get involved with your studies and activities, new friends, and dating new guys. He may change his mind later, but you're better off not waiting around for him.

 

Best wishes!

Annie

[DragonGirl724]

"The basics - was with my boyfriend for 8 months (first 4 were long distance, other 4 was the summer when we were together)... heading into long distance again for 4 months, left him after a great last weekend together, he broke up with me a week later when we were in different cities.

 

He gave an initial reason of wanting to figure out the rest of his life other than me and just needed some space and time, but that he wasnt closing any doors on us and if he wanetd to be in a relationship it'd be with me. etc etc... so it was sad, but not definite.

 

Month later said his feelings for me got confused at the end of our relationship and he didnt know that he was IN love with me anymore, even though he loved me and cared for me. he needed time to sort himself out and he didnt know what the future held.

 

another month later after less contact with each other, he said he didnt see him being with me and that we were too different to be together and make it work, etc etc.

 

a conversation a little while after that he said that he just didnt want to talk about getting back together right now because he didnt see it right now. he said again he didnt know what would happen when we were both in the same place again and maybe something would change, but he'd rather cross that bridge if/when we came to it. so he asked that i please not talk about it cuz right now he didnt see that, and he wanted to just live his life right now and see what the future holds and go on whatever path life took him on, etc

 

so that was fine, we've been in some contact on msn and via email, but not that much. talking occasionally like i would to any other friend, mostly chit chat, nothing important."

 

 

OMG!!! i was reading all that & my jaw dropped ....my ex of 9 months said THE EXACT WORDS TO ME!!!!!! EXACTTTT WORDDDDSSS..SO EXACT ITS FREAKY! maybe it was the same guy! lol that is so crazy!

 

well i wish i knew what to tell you, but i did all what you did & thought all what you thought & he said all what your ex said..& here i am 9months down the line, still single, we dont I.M. anymore (thats all the contact we had during breakup, unless he saw me out at the bars hed come over & talk to me) & now i am blocked...so if that indicates anything at all, it sure as hell isnt hopeful for you.

 

maybe hes telling the truth, maybe hes not....you may never know for sure, at least not right now. so the key here is to carry on with your life without him, put YOU first & spend your days having a blast & living life!

 

you can not rely on him being honest in his words. i found out the less you expect, the less disappointed you are in the end.....thats advice i would seriously consider if i were you.

 

i wasted soooo many months 'wondering' & over analyzing & you name it i thought it! about a million times! haha.

 

start now with rebuilding your life without the EX playing any kind of role in it. i wish i started sooner during the breakup, learn from MY mistakes. make the start of a new year the start of a new you! happy, single & LOVIN IT! if you ever need a push in the right direction dont hesitate to PM me!

 

-DG724

[ajk]

my ex said the SAME exact words, too!!!

 

do guys read this in a manual? LOL

 

but here's my point...

 

i saw my ex for the first time new year's in 2 1/2 months (we were together 6 months and then long distance for 2 before we broke up), and he had tears welling in his eyes the whole time we talked. i didn't expect that, but what i'm saying to you is that when people say their feelings have changed, they are just 'not into it' anymore, etc., they are really avoiding their feelings.

 

that doesn't mean they will try to get back together with you or that they think a relationship will work, but giving them time to sort out their feelings is good.

 

it is totally normal for you to be scared about seeing him again. (i read your newest post, by the way). i know you want to get back together, but give it a little time before you say anything. see how he feels, first.

 

also, try not to contact him and let him contact you. that will at least make YOU feel better and help break the 'pursuing' cycle that you may feel like you are in whenever you contact him first.

[GettingOverIt]

ajk, Sorry, but if there is a manual, then I know from experience there are women who read it, too... Not the exact words, but close enough to be a plagurized version! ;-) I was told very similar things by my ex-gf, and seeing it now from someone else who has been told these things has made me realize how much time I spent mulling over things that just weren't going to be.

 

I think my favorite expressions was that she "felt numb" towards me, whatever in the heck THAT was supposed mean.. Ah well...