How do guys handle a break up ?

[sharky988]

Well I've seen it I'm not hoping for anything, let's get that straight.

 

This thread isn't called "will the new woman my ex is seeing fail ???"

 

The subject of rebounds was raised, not by me.

 

Thanks and good luck to you.

[ForeverFree81]

I agree with mhowe, I have been the dumper and the dumpee. I am a girl, but when I have made the decision to break up with someone, I dont grieve or feel bad, I have made a decision, and I will stick to it, as I wouldnt do something like that woithout a lot of prior consideration and reasons for doing so. On the other hand, most of my exs have tried to come back. My last ex especially, tried really hard. We have been broken up for about 9 months and for 6 of the 9 months its been, he has been messaging me incessantly, telling me he regrets ending things, he feels bad for hurtng me, he wants me back, etc, etc.

 

That being said, he, like the rest of my exs, are rather mentally unstable, so Im not sure if this is any help or indication. My current boyfriend is the first man I have ever been with who hasnt got any mental health issues (winning!). I think it depends on the man, the relationship, the reasons behind the break up, who ended it, and how both parties conducted themselves in the break up. I was crazy about my ex, I really, really cared about him, but he hurt me so bad during the break up that I dont see him that way anymore, and there isnt a single thing he can do to fix that.

[Blue Spiral]

People in both genders have a wide range of reactions.

 

As for my reaction: I was completely crushed both times it happened, and still am.

[SooSad33]

It kinds of explains why some men disappear and months, sometimes years later they're back checking on you, and even missing you. I had a guy I dated once call me back after 2 years.

 

I never done that, I think it's more of a male thing. I've had every man in my life come back into my life at a certain point, but always too late.

 

I guess women do have advantages when it comes to emotions, we grieve but then move on, and men have it the way around, first feeling relieved but then grieving and missing their ex.

 

No, I think this is rather the dumper/dumpee fact, not whether it's men/women.

The dumpee can come to miss the one they dumped, months later. But will feel relief for a while, first.

[lymphocyte]

I have heard this about men, too. At first they feel free, then after a while they feel terrible and lonely.

 

But I don't think this is true. It really depends on the person/people involved.

[3Tears]

Most people who don't reconcile are people that will forever hold these grudges against their ex partners and will never see any changes in them, if they do change. Don't say other wise because most of the times when I ask people why don't you give him/her another chance it usually goes with "he/she hurt me sooo muchhh, I was in soo muchhh painnn, blah blah blah".

 

If you can't move pass that then theres NO WAY in getting back together.

 

I think both dumper and dumpee go through rebounds (unless it wasn't a long term relationship), the same reason for them both, dumper might feel lonely because he just broke up with their partner and now they have all this time and space and they just might miss the companionship, so they go out trying to fill that space, vice versa with the dumpee.

[SophieGrace]

BH67: Great response - very honest - and it reflects my own experience in life and my chats with male friends as well. IMO, though, I don't think men are weaker when it comes to emotions, I just don't think they are as in touch with emotional dialogue as women are; they don't have a propensity for it, and it's more confusing for them because it's not a part of their biological make-up nor is it taught in school, but it doesn't mean they feel less. Maybe that's what you were saying (in your own words.) Thanks for posting.

[Cheetarah]

There's something off in a person who jumps from relationship to relationship with no down time in between. Dumper or dumpee, doesn't matter. That indicates an inability to feel at peace being with themselves. And that, none of that has to do with you(general), how much they miss you or any other of these people they have relationships with.

 

Generally speaking, you can't assign break-up reactions to a gender. I left a guy and I was heartbroken about it for 2 years. I left another and I felt solid about that decision and while I thought of him from time to time, I didn't miss nor long for him, immediately or in the distant future. I was left by another and I felt the same way.

[Lolitaaa]

No, I think this is rather the dumper/dumpee fact, not whether it's men/women.

The dumpee can come to miss the one they dumped, months later. But will feel relief for a while, first.

 

A dumpee doesn't dump, the dumper does, I can't really follow what you're saying ?

In my experience the dumper feels relief after the break up and the dumpee is divastated, but eventually moves on while the relief the dumper felt at first starts turning into sadnes and lonelines in a lot of cases.

[Lolitaaa]

Well my case is different, there was a lot of stress and no more intimacy the last months of our Relationship since I had 2 miscarriages in a row. It was very hard, but the second time he acted more distant towards me, he was crazy in love with before, and I just felt him going more distant in time ...

 

I knew something was up, but you try to tell yourself that's his way of handeling stress or whatever. He even got me golden earrings after my curretage and a baby kitten I always wanted, so I never imagined him leaving me, but now I know why he was getting more distant ...

 

He was already talking to a woman he already dated before and since he couldn't handle the stress and there was someone he would jump to well he thought the grass was greener I guess.

So he left me hanging for a while and sent me a text saying he was going to send my stuff out over messenger.

 

When I got that I never reacted, just deleted FB anc changed numbers.

After 10 days he initated contact which I ignored and a day before my doctor appointement (check up after curretage) he sent my mother (his only way of contact) to not forget my appointement that is very important.

 

Like now he cares ...

 

So here you go, that's my story.