Will I ever get past this??

[Guest]

OK heres my story:

I met my husband 11 years ago, we are soul mates, (so I thought). We were swept up with passion immediately and we have been together from the day we met till today I never have left him. Our relationship in the beginning was rushed, I got pregnant 4 months after we met, and we married 2 months later. He was unfaithful before I married him. I caught him, he admitted, I moved on, choosing to work it out because "I LOVED HIM". After that I turned into an angry person, always thinking he was somewhere else, with someone else. Years went on like this until finally got the trust back and actually forgave him, and we actually developed a good marriage. Well now here we are 11 years later, back at square one. Heres what happened, He and his guy friend went out, he ended up drinking excessivly and went home with a girl,( this was just this last June.) My husband told me 2 days later, I guess he was feeling guilty. NOW here I am feeling like a fool, like every thing I ever believed in for the past decade is a big fat lie, I dont feel like I can trust myself, because I have allowed my self to live a lie. I do love him, and I do want to say that in our marriage, I have never once been unhappy with "US" until now of course. I want to try to work it out again, I know that sounds so sick, but I feel like I have to much to lose, we have a beautiful daughter, we had a happy home and I want that back. I find my self walking around feeling so empty and envying our simple life we had before this happened. Am I enabling him? Am I ok? Am I doing the right thing? I know what ever happens I am goign to be ok because I do love who I am I know that I am good that I have done all the right things that I am beautiful and that I am strong. Heres a little somthing I came up with when I first found out about the fling:

Our love was like a crystal bowl that we filled up with love every day for 11 years, but you chose to drop that precious crystal bowl and now with the love spilled out and the shattered bowl I find myself trying to glue it all back together, and hoping that someday we can start over filling it up again with our love. I know that it will be fragile and weak, a small bump in life may shatter it all over again.

I am ok I am ok I am ok I am OK bye

[overcorrect]

From a man's perspective I have to say: "Wow, I almost can't believe he told you." but at the same time I can seriously respect the fact that he did. I believe he told you because he was indeed feeling guilty and he needed to tell you in order to get some relief. I know that it was probably weighing on his mind knowing that if he told you it would simply destroy your trust with him but his love for you forced him to tell you. He didn't have to tell you anything but it's admirable that he did. Your hope that things could get back to normal is probably shared with him. Understand this, it's going to take some time to get that trust back, but it is HIS job to glue to bowl back together. People make mistakes and it sounds like he made a whopper. My belief is the fact that he even told you indicates that he has no intention of seeing this other woman ever again and he wants to work it out with you. You sound strong (I like calling your type an Alpha Female) and it sounds like he knows that he's screwed up, now you two go to conselling and you two get better. It can happen. Don't stop going to conselling until they tell you that you two can stop going.

[yeawutever]

Well according he ur story u already cheated once and u caught him, then u dealt with trust issues and became and angry person. And u did forgive him, so u have a child with him and u married him after long years of dealing with trust issues. BAD DECISION, U MESS UP. He already cheated on u once and after getting married he does it again. It doens't matter whether he was drunk. Only u didn't caught him, he told himself this time, well SO WUT, he still cheated. He did it again. U FIRST WASTE 11 YEARS WITH TRUST ISSUES, SO NOW ITS GONNA BE 11 MORE YEARS. BAD DECISON GIRL FOR STAYING WITH NOW. NOT ONLY THAT BUT WUT ABOUT THE CHILD.

[ScreenagerX]

Ailec1987 I think "U FIRST WASTE 11 YEARS WITH TRUST ISSUES" is a bit harsh. Obviously if their feelings for each other were strong enough in the beginning to be able to move past this issue. It has taken Guest a long time to be able to deal with this & sounds as if her husband has been faithful & honest in the time since, until now. Its a shame that it has happened, call me a hypocrite, but I agree with overcorrect in that if he didn't really care for her then he would not have told her in the first place. You may say that he doesn't care because he was unfaithful in the first place but s**t happens sometimes. We don't know the circumstances surrounding his moment of lust.

Ailec1987 I get the feeling you have been burned before from reading some of your other posts. If this is the case then I am sorry for that but not everybody is as quick to negatively judge people as your are.

I think Guest has a hard road ahead but 11 years and children together is a lot to throw away. But at the end of the day only you can make the right decision

[yeawutever]

LOL, well I never actually been in a relation yet, only went on a date twice, but thats just that. And yea im looking towards it. As of now im a college student. But see its not about emotions and love towards each other, its about thinking iwth ur head and use logic not ur heart. Circumstance u were saying, I still say there is no excuse for cheating, not even that if u get drunk, thats lame. Drink or not, ur still responsible for ur own actions. Well thats just my point, I don't mean to come harsh but I wouldn't put up with that. First chance is enough, screw up and ur out the door mister.

[ScreenagerX]

Sweet as.

 

No offence but wait & see till your actually head over heels for someone & caught up in the moment. Love does funny things to people.

 

I wish you all the best though. The first time you can't get enough of that one person whos special in your life is intoxicating. You'll love them & the feeling. The term "cloud 9" doesn't do it justice.

[yeawutever]

No offence but wait & see till your actually head over heels for someone & caught up in the moment. Love does funny things to people.

 

None taken and yes I'm already head over heels. Logic isn't working that much now, just let my guard down, bad move but I trust him. Bad thing is I'm not really prepare how I would take a blow like that if it ever happens. One thing for sure is I won't be expressed that much in my future relationship.

 

But yes if not taking back a cheater, love can do funny thing. Taking back the dumper, LOL, done that. Funny if I get dump, I'll still take him back. Guess I was harsh back then, considering my age, lol.

[abouttime]

Your husband has to COMPLETELY QUIT DRINKING. At least outside of your presense. Look through the myriad of posts on infidelity websites and you will find countless references to alcohol. No excuse mind you, because alcohol does not make you do anything. It only reduce inhibitions so you are free to do that which you wanted to do anyways. In the future anytime he comes home after drinking you will wonder? Any time he goes out with his friends ( I hope he has gotten rid of the one who was with him that night) drinking you will wonder.

[HellFrost666]

Has anyone else noticed this thread is over 6 years old?

[yeawutever]

Has anyone else noticed this thread is over 6 years old?

 

I did notice it, I was responding to a poster not the person doing the thread. I did not notice he long responded me back.