What does this mean?

[fed up]

Hi everyone, those of you who know my story are probably shaking their heads right now...LOL...pls bear with me. So the facts are:

1) I broke up with him 2 weeks ago due to my lack of trust with his intentions, his actions don't match words, he has MAJOR stress facing loss of his home, was pushing me away whereas I thought as a "couple" we should face problems together....his growing anger and short fuse

2) we have a history of breaking up/making up/ I take responsibility for most of the break ups, always related to issues in paragraph 1

3) he owes me $1250.00 - so it was hard to go No Contact. His sister ended up intervening because I was pestering him with texts asking for money (and because I missed him)

4) Haven't contacted him in six days, I feel I have come a long way emotionally, and today I sent a totally "no strings attached" text saying I was sorry that I was so harsh last week (yes, I was). Also a gentle reminder that I am expecting the pmt this Friday

5) he replied, said the house thing is close to getting resolved, he will etransfer me the money, and can we "chat" next week?

6) I said I'm away next week

7) he said oh, I dint need to know that, now I am picturing you going away with another guy. Gotta run. Talk later

8) I said, no, I never said that, but if you want to "chat" I can be reached by email. Take care

 

 

Now I haven't heard anything back. And that's OK. I feel at peace with this whole thing (while patiently awaiting money)

 

Is there anything I'm missing here?

[jjkk]

I'm glad you're feeling at peace with everything right now. Personally I wouldn't have responded to the "picturing you w/ another guy" text and let him think that, but maybe that's over the top. Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling good about everything! Way to go!

 

What's the purpose of you two chatting next week? If you're done w/ the relationship, you're done, why continue contact and muddy the waters?

[fed up]

well, truth be told, I would take him back in a heart beat. This time apart has allowed me to see what I was doing wrong...but I would need to know that he was willing to work on his stuff too. I guess in this case I will wait. Getting my money back - without stress - is important to me as well.

[mhowe]

You have now attached the repayment with the "talk about us".

 

Expect to wait. He clearly doesn't have the money to pay you now.

 

Lesson. Dont lend money to a boyfriend.

[HeartGoesOn]

I broke up with him 2 weeks ago due to my lack of trust with his intentions, his actions don't match words, he has MAJOR stress facing loss of his home, was pushing me away whereas I thought as a "couple" we should face problems together....his growing anger and short fuse

 

What has changed and/or been resolved in this two week period?

[fed up]

hmm, I'm not so sure. I hope it isn't that...I don't want that stress again. How do you figure I attached the two topics?

[mhowe]

"No worries"...."You owe me money".

 

Do you really think he is going to call you back if he doesn't have the money?

[fed up]

What has changed and/or been resolved in this two week period?

 

 

Not much..other than he said today things are looking up for his house..and once that's settled, maybe we can chat next week. I hate suspense! Now I'm getting stressed if it is about the money. he's supposed to pay me $250 day after tomorrow..

[fed up]

"No worries"...."You owe me money".

 

Do you really think he is going to call you back if he doesn't have the money?

 

in his text today he said he is going to make the payment, as planned..

[fed up]

his exact words were

"it's crunch time for the property settlement and I only have until Friday. I will etransfer you. Maybe next week we can chat, ok? I am not doing well mentally and have to get through this week"

 

then I said I'm gone next week.

 

he came back with "well you didn't have to tell me you're away for the weekend. Now I'm going to have my thoughts run amok. all ok" "I'm sure if you're away for the weekend you're not going alone" "No worries, I can't worry about that, I shouldn't have said anything" "Gotta run, talk later"

[mhowe]

Clearly about him paying you and now you are going away and he is trying to make YOU feel guilty.

[fed up]

really?? guilty about what?

[fed up]

if that's his angle, I have come a long way - will not feel guilty, and will still expect money

[mhowe]

Expect all you want....he doesn't have the money so is now playing with your emotions.

[fed up]

my emotions are fine. I made the decision to move on. IF and ONLY IF, he showed willingness to work on his "stuff", would I consider dating him again. The money at this point will become a legal matter if he doesn't show honest efforts to repay. I also don't think the sister wants me to escalate this. Now that he has put her in the middle, I think he will have to save face. Will keep you posted..thanks for the perspective

[mhowe]

Actually....the money is NOT a legal matter unless Canada has different rules. You gave it to him to help him out....and without a contract as to how/when he would pay you back it can/may be considered a gift.

 

And since you are still in contact with him....that line blurs.

 

And the courts will not give a rats butt about what his sister thinks.

[notalady]

Yea I guess without anything in writing it's hard to prove you lent him the money. I wonder if your text messages count lol.. Good luck! I hope you get the money back!

[fed up]

we have multiple texts and emails outlining repayment plan. and on the cheque I wrote him I wrote "loan" in the memo line. I had already lent him $130.00 the month before and he paid it back (mind you, with a little chasing )

[fed up]

with the legal troubles he is having now, he cannot afford to have his name in court again. unless he files bankruptcy at some point, and in the case, then I would consider the money a gift, because if anything I think I could get him to paint for me etc (my whole house needs to be re-painted) his sister is a business owner and her text also outlines promises to pay - I don't think she would want this to go legal either. Maybe I'm naïve....but I have faith (for now!)

[mhowe]

I agree...naive.

 

Promises to pay is not the same as "contract" to pay. And if he files for bankruptcy, any legal claim stands before your "promise".

[fed up]

That's why I said, if he filed for bankruptcy, I would not pursue. Clearly he is in way more dire straits than I am. there has been no mention of bankruptcy, I am just thinking worse case scenario. I still think though with a cashed cheque written "loan", and ensuing documented communication regarding payment of said loan, I would have a case in small claims court.

[mhowe]

Nope.

 

Anyone could write "loan" in the memo section of a check.

 

If you do not have an agreement on paper, stating it is a loan and the repayment "structure"....it can easily be accepted as a gift.

 

Good luck.

[fed up]

hmm, that makes no sense, especially with follow up emails etc. Hoping it doesn't come to that anyway....

[mhowe]

It makes all the sense in the world.

 

Who wrote "loan" on the memo section...when....?

 

A loan is a loan...with a contract and a repayment structure in place.

Otherwise....the courts will say it was a gift...

[fed up]

I just went online to a legal site and it said that oral contracts can often be legally binding as well. Anyway, just to cover my butt, I am drafting up a written contract right now, and will go pay him a little visit tomorrow.