Lolitaaa Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Hiya everyone ... So yeah it's been almost a week since the break up, he did ask about me through my mom since she needs to contact him for some papers from work, but even though he still has all my stuff, no news of that. He did ask for some stuff he gave me back, but didn't even ask for his keys back, I told my mom to give them to him. How long did it take you guys to get your stuff back ? I don't even really care about the stuff, don't want to see him, I'm in total NC and will stay that way. Just finding it weird, isn't it so that the first thing you want gone when you break up is his/her stuff ? Just wondering ... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Depends. You sent the key back, which gave him the power over your stuff. So depending on the kind of person he is, he may wield that a bit to mess with your head--or, he might consider the 'stuff' as irrelevant as you do and isn't focused on dealing with it right now. If you don't care about the stuff, then drop it mentally. If he ever offers to get it back to you, great, and if not, consider it the price of your freedom and the tuition you paid for any lessons you gained from your experience. Head high. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 Depends. You sent the key back, which gave him the power over your stuff. So depending on the kind of person he is, he may wield that a bit to mess with your head--or, he might consider the 'stuff' as irrelevant as you do and isn't focused on dealing with it right now. If you don't care about the stuff, then drop it mentally. If he ever offers to get it back to you, great, and if not, consider it the price of your freedom and the tuition you paid for any lessons you gained from your experience. Head high. Thanks for trying to help me figure this out. The thing is, when he sent me his famous "break up text" on Messenger it said: "I'll hire a van to drive you your stuff back and I'll send you your papers" (he's my ex boss) so when I got that I deleted FB and he once again texted on my moms number "let me know when I can drop off your stuff on Messenger" Well I don't have Messenger and I am not going to install it back for him, no way in hell. I do not need the stuff, like you said, it's the price I pay ... Just feeling weird about him not mentioning my stuff again, like he holds some kind of power over me (in his head maybe, he never expected me to go NC, I'm sure he thought I was going to begg) Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 I had the opposite situation. She broke up and wants nothing to do with me, but was hoping I'd leave her stuff in the basement so she didn't have to junk up her townhouse with boxes she doesn't have space for. I sent a friendly text to ask her to pick up things and she would respond with a time for me to leave it in the garage. If you want it back, then keep it nice and simple and ask him to leave it outside for you on a specific date and you'll get it. Him having your stuff doesn't mean you have to talk to him. If you don't want it, then send one text to say he can do with it as he wishes, just so he knows. I'm sure he want's to be nice and keep it safe, but if you really don't want it, you should probably let him know. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 I did tell my mom and also him in my final message I didn't want it, too many memories of us is what I said ... Even though there are a lot of expensive and emotional stuff there, I just want nothing to do with him at this point, he just hurt me too bad ... I need time. I'll need to wait and see what he is going to say, and otherwise he'll need to sort it out with my mom ... Thank God for my mother for being here and me not having to face him (the devil) ... Is you break up long ago, JamesDe ? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 said: "I'll hire a van to drive you your stuff back and I'll send you your papers" (he's my ex boss) so when I got that I deleted FB and he once again texted on my moms number "let me know when I can drop off your stuff on Messenger" Well I don't have Messenger and I am not going to install it back for him, no way in hell. Just feeling weird about him not mentioning my stuff again, like he holds some kind of power over me I don't under your logic here at all. He has made it clear he'll send your things back to you and has asked you when he can have it dropped off. But you choose not to reply and give him an answer, but then in the same breath you say it feels weird him not mentioning your stuff again?? He's waiting for your reply. Answer him. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 I don't under your logic here at all. He has made it clear he'll send your things back to you and has asked you when he can have it dropped off. But you choose not to reply and give him an answer, but then in the same breath you say it feels weird him not mentioning your stuff again?? He's waiting for your reply. Answer him. You really think I'll contact him ? Don't you worry about my logic. If he really wanted to get rid of my stuff he would asked again when he talked to my mom last time, so don't worry about my logic please ... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 You're just prolonging the final closing of the door and it's causing you to make yet another thread about this D-bag. I'm with Capricorn. Just tell him (through your mother if need be) when he can drop your stuff off or if it's not important stuff then tell him (through your mother if need be) just to give it to charity. Time to cut the cord for good so that you can stop OCD thinking on this guy and begin accepting that he's out of your life for good so that you can heal and hopefully choose someone more compatible as a LIFEmate. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 You really think I'll contact him ? Don't you worry about my logic. If he really wanted to get rid of my stuff he would asked again when he talked to my mom last time, so don't worry about my logic please ... Sorry, no need to get to defensive. Exactly how many times do you want him to ask? Another five times? Ten times? WHY? What for? He was very willing to send it. Asked a simple question as to when he can send it. You ignore it and don't reply. What do you expect from him? Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 You're just prolonging the final closing of the door and it's causing you to make yet another thread about this D-bag. I'm with Capricorn. Just tell him (through your mother if need be) when he can drop your stuff off or if it's not important stuff then tell him (through your mother if need be) just to give it to charity. Time to cut the cord for good so that you can stop OCD thinking on this guy and begin accepting that he's out of your life for good so that you can heal and hopefully choose someone more compatible as a LIFEmate. I just thought that was a forum for Healing since I'm in a grave depression, and he might he an assclown, there are still feelings there, just am not totally indifferent now since it just happens and I need to stay in NC for my sake, I told him to give those things up but he refuses and want to bring them back cost what cost, there are some valuable there, not that I car, but I'm sure he won't through anything away. It makes me stress, he said he wanted to bring them, I don't want them and after he never speaks of my stuff again, so he's contradicting himself and I hope he keeps everything. Just would you act like that to the mother of your unborn child ? He left me when he knew the curettage was done and that's why I don't even want to hear his voice ... I need to go to the hospital for a couple of days. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Oh Lolitaaaa.... while in the hospital please ask for a psych consult. You're still emotionally suffering from the mis-carriage not to mention the setting in of the reality that this guy does not want a relationship with you. You'd do well to talk to a professional about that or at the very least your personal doctor to get something mild to get you past this black place you're currently in. Take care of yourself and forget about him. Do the necessary work to keep him out of your mind which will eventually lead him out of your heart to the blissful stage of indifference to him. Ongoing therapy will help you with your love of self and the confidence to chuck, chucklers that are not treating you like they value you. E-hugs\ Take care of you now by doing everything you have to do to get you in a better place emotionally. Be thankful (not full of regret) that things turned out the way they did. It is for the best for everyone and for your future going forward. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 I'm sorry, I won't post again, just needed some support, thought this forum was to get some ... Obviously everything I post is always wrong ... I'm sorry, and sorry for being emotional, I just lost my job, my baby, my house and my husband to be, I think that's a pretty good reason to be emotional ... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Stop acting like a victim too. No one told you that you can't or shouldn't post. The forum is to get support but it's also to get guidance so that you don't keep making the same emotional damaging actions to yourself as well. All that you went though is devastating and that is why I suggested you get a psych council while in the hospital. A therapist will help you to get through what has happened to you. "Support" means more then venting and people being sympathetic to the point that you don't get to a better place. Venting here is fine but in my (our?) opinion, you need more then just our opinions and empathy. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 This thread has run its course...Closed. Link to comment
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