Problem is that I'm obbessed

[RobustMouse]

I guess I have a lot of questions about this guy I'm crushing on. (Lets call him Jason) I can ask if he wants to be my friend, I can ask how to be his friend, how to call and talk to him, how to ask him out...ect.) I want the answers to all of these. I could post each question and I would never feel satisfied. I guess there is one main problem all my questions underly on.

 

My Problem is that I'm obbessed.

 

Yes, obbessed. I am obbessed with "Jason". I'm not sure how to live, handle, or get rid of this obbession with him. When I say obbession, I mean it this way.

 

I am ALWAYS thinking about him. I am writing down a list of things I know about him, writing memories and experiences so I don't forget him, his pictures are the first ones in my album, a photo in my wallet, fantasizing dates and such, trying to be near him whenever I can...and a few other things.

 

...and on top of that I can't get him out of my mind.

 

It's almost like I'm a stalker I don't live near him, but if I did, I promise you that I would be riding near his house every day and think "This is his house, I am at Jason's house." and maybe I'd take a blade of grass. It's getting really weird.

 

I'll admit one time when me and him and nearly 10 other people were at an amusement park I took a camera specificly to take pictures of him...

But I did that because I don't ever want to forget him or the memories we share.

 

This needs to stop. I feel like I'm stalking him and I know thats not right. Another problem is that I can't just "let him go I'm too afraid of forgetting him. I don't want to forget him. I tried once, and I ended coming back to him. Sometimes I'm near tears of simply thinking about losing him!

 

 

 

...Am I obbessed? What should I do to deal with this "obbession" if I have it? How do I deal with the emotional pain yet not "forget him"?

 

Thank you,

[amanda22]

sounds heavy. are you guys evn friends? or he only says hi to you in the halls and you think u are best friends...(kinda serious,kinda joking) you say you dont want to forget the memories you two share...does he know you two are sharing them? i just want to know how good of friends you are. i want to say that this is an obsession. i did some crazy things over a crush in my time and to myself i admitted i was obsessed. i dont know how i got over it. i dont think i did until he changed schools. the good part is you want to get over it, and that is the first step to getting over it... i dont know what to tell you, its a hard situation. maybe you need more than friends to help you through this. maybe you can see a school counselor. all i know is that back then, when i felt the way you did, i know i wouldnt be able to do it on my own. but i wasnt even friends with the guy, seems like you may be with this guy...

[amanda22]

i know you dont want to hear this, but maybe the best thing is to stop seeing him so much and focus only on YOUR life, not his...

[RobustMouse]

Well, we arn't exactly FRIENDS... I mean, I don't go over to his house or call him up and go "Hey you wanna chat?" I was in a play with him a few months ago, and the stage manager has this 'thing' about keeping the entire cast in contact. So I've been seeing him in cast trips. Like we all went to an amusment park, we all saw in another play he was in, and I saw him last sunday at another cast trip. (Only boy to show up too, yay)

 

But, hes homeschooled, I go to public school.

 

I don't call him unless I want to wish him luck or tell him something important, or ask him something. I'd love to call him up and chat like a friend, but we honestly aren't 'friends' just aquaitences. I can call him up and ask for advice and simply say "Thanks for whatever" or "I hope your doing" fine, and he'll talk with me. But hes never called me or anything.

 

What do you mean, he knows we are sharing memories? I don't think he even knew about the camera!

 

Come to think of it, I only see him every 2-3 weeks. Only when the cast gets together. Its most likly I'll be seeing him in January in a few weeks. It's not an everyday thing. at all.

 

I can't just 'let him go' maybe in awhile, but I don't want to 'let him go' just yet.

 

Another odd thing is that he is a mix of an intro and extrovert. Hes quiet, not shy at all, but just quiet. But he seems to gear more torwards the extroverted people in crowds. I'm can be either depending on the situation, extroverted or introverted.

We are so similar, yet we are so different. It seems to me that it would be hard to form a friendship with him. But I don't want to let him go..

 

Thank you!

[RobustMouse]

Is it even possible to get over an obbession like this?

[randy]

yes i think it is...with a lot of time. Maybe you can try to talk to him more often. Spend more time with him etc. Become closer friends.

 

I know saying it and doing it is a completely different story though.

[RobustMouse]

I wish spending more time with him and talking to him was possible, but honestly I don't know if that could work.

 

I'd call him everyday if I could-the problem with that is I don't really have much to even say to him. Hes more of a guy who listens and responds then a guy who talks and expects to be listened too. I'm the same way.

 

I don't really know how to be a friend to him, crud. I don't even know if he would ever think of me as his 'friend'! We are just different...in ways that its hard to explain. Hes quiet, yet he fits in with the talkative group...How would I become his friend?

[ksk0_0]

This "Jason" sounds a little quite like me except I've changed a bit.

 

ANYWAYS, firstly; stop putting yourself down

 

I don't even know if he would ever think of me as his 'friend'!

No offense, but what the hell is up with that? Of course - everybody is everybodys friend. Don't be shy to just go up to him and talk about random things. Even if you feel like you've made a fool of yourself, thats fine - you may think "OHH I totally shouldn't have done that, whats he ganna think...?" etc. but really - at your age, it's just all fun.

 

I'd call him everyday if I could-the problem with that is I don't really have much to even say to him. Hes more of a guy who listens and responds then a guy who talks and expects to be listened too

Um yeah, problem is, if you call him everyday - it kinda gets annoying

Just call like 2 or 3 times a week and see whats up. If your willing to go out with him and your afraid to ask or don't know how to ask, just start off by saying something like "Hey, What'cha doin this weekend?" or "Do you think it'd be crazy if we went out? you know, as a couple?" and carry on from there. It may seem hard to do and hard to find the courage to do it, but just let it out.

 

Another problem is that I can't just "let him go I'm too afraid of forgetting him. I don't want to forget him. I tried once, and I ended coming back to him. Sometimes I'm near tears of simply thinking about losing him!

Whats there to lose? He's not an object or anything - hes a human being like you. Who has things to do and knows what to do. If you want to take your mind off him for a while, just have something to do to distract you from thinking of him.

YOU also have a life no? I don't think you'd want your life to be some sort of 'I'm-obbssessed-with-this-guy' type of life and not doing anything about it. Focus on your own life first, that's whats important.

 

Hope I helped and wasn't too offensive/direct.

 

Good Luck

[RobustMouse]

Well, when I say 'friend' I generaly mean "Can I come over?" "Want to go see a movie with me (friendish way)" "Did you hear about the latest news?"

 

I could never call him say "Want to go see a movie with me?" even in a friendish way...its odd but...first, I know he would say "No" second, we aren't close, We don't talk to each other unless theres a discussion. Usualy friendwise, you are just drawn to certain types of people, we are not two people that are drawn to eachother naturaly. I have make conversation or ask him a question to get him to talk to me.

Hes never said my name before!!!! Hes know my name, but hes never said " 'Vaxil' could you hand me this?" or, "Vaxil what do you think?" I have to be the one that speaks in order to get him to talk to me! He would never talk to me unless I spoke a word to him....I don't think he cares about me really If he did in any shape or form I'm sure he would say something to me!

 

To him, I'm like the annoying kid in the chair next to him asking him for a date! I'm the kid no one cares about to him. He would never want to be with the "Annoying" kid. (Not saying I'm annoying, I'm pointing out that I'm different from everyone else)

 

It's odd, hes just like everyone else, yet hes different...I'm the sore thumb on the hand, I'm not that similar to anyone else. He is!

 

I'm afraid of forgetting him I guess....I'm afraid of letting him go because I'll regret it. Like, I forget about him, and then suddenly I remember him and go "I want to talk to him!" but he doesn't remember me....because I forgot about him. I just now relized that.

 

It's not only that I like him, its that hes like a celebrity to me. I admire him so much.

 

Thank you so much Ksk0_0! That was some of the best advice I've ever received. Thank you so much!

[ksk0_0]

What do you mean your afriad of "forgetting" him?

You mean that he may not end up being your friend and not caring about you at all?

 

Maybe he is shy to say your name or is shy around girls. Does he bring out this attitude (the one you described) when he's only around you? If he doesn't care about you, or ANYTHING about you - let him go. There are other guys that are better, someone who's willing to talk to you, take care of you and so on.

Hey ya never know, it could be the best decision you've made in your social life (aka; relationships etc)

[RobustMouse]

What do you mean your afriad of "forgetting" him?

You mean that he may not end up being your friend and not caring about you at all?

 

I'm afraid, that if I 'let him go' and forget about him. Then I will wake up one day and regret that descion. It's also that I don't want to 'let him go' because he means so much to me! Not only in the crush love way, but also in the "I deeply admire you" kind of way. I feel like I've met a celebrity basically.

 

Thats odd actuly, now that I think about it. He never said anything to anyone else either...for instance, during a Play Cast Party that we had last sunday, he never said anyone elses names either! He smiled the entire time, he listened, and he told stories of his own, but he never once tried to get anyone's attention specificly! Hmmm... I guess I'm not the only one...The thing is that he isn't shy at all, hes just naturaly quiet. Hes the same way around boys...

 

I don't know if it's that he doesn't "care" about me exactly. Like, I don't know if I was kidnapped or stolen if he would worry about me. Well, yah he'd probably be worried, but I don't know if he would call anyone else from our Play and ask about my disappearance. Lousy example-I'm sorry.

 

I guess I think I still have a chance to gain his friendship. If I show him that I care and I'm interested in what hes doing-he might relize that I do care and that I want his friendship. But on the other hand, I'm also worried that if I show to much (Like calling him only wanting to ask how he was) he might get the feeling that I'm stalking him.

 

It's his friendship that I'm trying to gain, not a relationship with him. Not that I'd turn him down if he wanted one with me, but I know it's just not going to happen. If I can't have a relationship with him, then I want to be his friend. confusing. I'm sorry.

 

Thank you again!

[ksk0_0]

Haha, yeah it is kinda confusing - your sorta wanting 'THIS', and at the same time, 'THAT'.

Firstly, you gotta snap outta dream world and into reality

He is not a celeb, he is just an ordinary guy whos just naturally quiet.

Also, just start off by saying things like "Hey whats up?" or "Hey, how ya doin?" there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking how a persons day was. The guy sounds like me 2 or 3 years ago, but this one girl started talking to me stuff like "Hi" and such for the whole year and she mentioned a year later that I've come out of my "shell". We made a joke about that:

"You came outta your green shell"

"Green shell? what happened to red shells?"

and so on and now we are good friends (not g/f, I already have one so)

 

So what I'm trying to say here is; crack his 'shell' and make him come out - socialize with him, do things with him along with yours/his friends (groups are better in this situation). Do not think that anything you say will be stupid - because it obviously isn't. Thats life. Don't be so insecure around others, your not being judged by the public or anything - it's perfectly fine.

 

-Just get back to me if you have any problems, good luck

[RobustMouse]

What do you mean I want "This" yet I want "That"?

 

Of course hes no celebrity, but hes someone that changed my life in away. He inspired me and gave me hope, and gave me the gift of admiration.

 

I do worry what he thinks of me, I don't want someone that I love that much (crush & admire wise) dislike me in anyway. I'm worried that if I call him and say "Hi, how are you doing? Whats up?" hes going to really think I'm nuts because first of all we aren't close. We are not friends, merely aquaitences. Scuse' my spelling.

 

It's like, I call him, and I ask him how hes doing and whats up-but he really doesn't want to talk to me or hear from me. I'm always scared that hes judging me and thinking "Vaxil, why in the hell are you calling me? You have no reason to!"

 

I don't know if it's that I need to let him go-he doesn't treat me badly, hes very nice infact. Sweet and caring actuly-I just have a hard time connecting with him.

I often feel jealous and sad when I relize...that we don't connect very well. I mean, we do connect, and we can talk, but we just aren't as close as I wish we were. It causes me some heart-ache, thats what I'm trying to get over I guess. The feeling of not being with him.

 

I do wish I could find a way to socialize around him, but we live in different worlds entirely. Hes homeschooled and he lives in a different suberb then I do. It would be rather hard to socialize with him on a regular basis. We have many comman interests, but, we still are so different, that it's hard to talk sometimes. When I saw him last sunday, I talked to him more then I ever did before. And he wasn't annoyed, he talked back to me, and we laughed together and shared conversation.I usualy see him every 3-6 weeks for only for a day. I'm amazed I've kept my crush on him!

 

When it comes to talking on the phone, I can't do it without a reason. Because it's like, I have to ask him a question to get to him to talk to me(Most of the time, but not EVERYtime) and it's rather stupid to be on the phone and one person is asking questions. Discussions between me and him are odd. We've never found anything to discuss to be honest.

 

Thank you again, please don't feel obligated to respond! I don't want you to feel as if you HAVE to help me! Buck thank you so much for your advice!

[ksk0_0]

I'm always scared that hes judging me and thinking "Vaxil, why in the hell are you calling me? You have no reason to!"

 

NO ONE would say such a thing like that... unless if the guy was a... lets say criminal

 

Anyways, I can't tell you much more at this point since there's only a limited amount of info given to me... and I don't feel like I'm forced to help you. I do this for a hobby The reason why I signed up here. To give/ask for help when needed. Even though it's like 1AM here... lol

 

I think you should continue trying to get through to him and post after.

[RobustMouse]

Your right, I will try and contact him more, for all I know he thinks better of me then I think he does. I will call him sometime soon and try and talk to him.

 

Thank you again!

[Spartan1]

Hello Vaxil.

 

Well. I hope the phone call went well. From reading your posts I can kind of understand what you are saying.

 

The most important thing is you realise it is some kind of obssession you have for Jason. Realising that fact alone will help you greatly.

 

I think firstly you need to have more confidence in yourself and careless what other people think. From reading your posts there is one reoccurring emotion you show - FEAR!

 

You are afraid to break the ice with Jason outside of the cast related contact. You are afraid of what he thinks of you. Naturally, you fill in the bits of information you do not know with negative stuff. He cannot possibly like me? He will have no time for me? I am so different from everyone else? And so on....

 

That is what is in your head.

 

Work on your confidence. Don't forget about Jason but you do have to stop the hero worship. It's great to have respect for someone but there is nothing better in this world than empowering yourself. Freeing yourself of the chains you put around yourself that tie you down and stop you from meeting people. Meeting people like Jason - ON AN EQUAL LEVEL - and by that I mean he is no better than you. Yes, he blends into the crowd well but you to can learn those social skills if you really want to. It is all up to you lass.

 

Whatever happens. Don't let "thoughts of losing him" stop you from living life. YOU ARE WORTH more than that. The way forward is confidence and be willing to take risks and learn. No risk. No gain. You will be forever stuck in the "he must think this, I am only this to him" stagnent situation. If it don't work out - move on.

 

Spartan

[RobustMouse]

You are afraid to break the ice with Jason outside of the cast related contact.

 

Sorry, but what does this mean?

 

Fear? Do I really? I guess I do show a lot of fear, the fear of him hating me, the fear of never seeing him again, the fear of him forgetting me. Oh Gosh, I don't want him to forget me. Thats one of my biggest fears. Thats what I mean by "Losing him" him forgetting me. My biggest fear is of him hating me.

 

I wish I had never met him, I wish I didn't like him

 

How do I not care what he thinks of me? Thats the biggest challenge....

[Spartan1]

When I talked about fear of breaking the ice it was in reference to this part of one of your previous post:

 

I don't call him unless I want to wish him luck or tell him something important, or ask him something. I'd love to call him up and chat like a friend, but we honestly aren't 'friends' just aquaitences. I can call him up and ask for advice and simply say "Thanks for whatever" or "I hope your doing" fine, and he'll talk with me.

 

 

It just appeared to me you are to afraid just to give him a call on the fly and ask him how his day was, etc.

 

As to how to forget him. Well. The only way involves distancing yourself from him or getting to know him to find out he is not quite as wonderful as you first thought. Find the flaws.

 

You have to take the most difficult challenge and embrace it. For you it seems you want to stop thinking about him but you cannot because you don't want to. Your have to break your cycle of thinking in relation to Jason. You need other things to distract you.

 

Personally I would call him and chat to him. If you get on then all and good. If it doesn't pan out then cut him out your life so you can get on living it. Sounds painful. But hey, you sometimes got to do the thing you hate most in order to move forward.

 

Whatever happens I wish you all the best. I think many of us at one time or another have felt that pull of obssession over someone.

 

 

Spartan

[Lily04]

Man, I can soo identify with what you are feeling! I was obsessed with someone for a few months; just had a huge crush on him and couldn't quite let go. When I found out that he wasn't interested in me at all, except perhaps as acquaintances I just felt so down & even cried a little. We got along well enough, but he's older than me, has a girlfriend already and it just wasn't the right time..

 

But sometimes that happens. And then you move on. I actually have gotten over my obsessive crush on him, although I sometimes still think of him & how cool it would have been if we dated, because I don't think I ever felt so strongly for anyone before, even with my previous boyfriend with whom I thought I was in love.

 

So, anyways, how did I get over it?

 

1) Met new people -- went out with friends, and took my mind off of him.

2) Focused on other things -- school work, mostly.

3) Went out with other people, developed some other crushes. I'll admit I wasn't as attracted to the other guys as him, but it was something to keep my mind off him & helped me move on.

 

If you know for sure he's not interested, then you have to move on, because obsessions aren't healthy. And be honest to yourself: in your mind, you may see you two together, and how perfect you'd be, but if you know deep down he's not interested (perhaps he's already in another relationship) then you have to let go.

 

Good luck & take care,

 

lily04

[RobustMouse]

Thats actuly quite a good idea. =; Sadly though, I'd still be way to nervous to do that. Although, If it was inviting him to a broadway play (He loves broadway plays) I think I could do it. Because I could make it sound more like a "I want to help you" instead of a "Will you go out with me?" kind of thing.

I hate mind conflicts.

 

Lily, I'm almost opposite! Jason is actuly two years YOUNGER then me! But I do feel in the nearly exact positon. You want to be together, but he only wants to be your aquaitence. Only difference is that it's his friendship I'm looking for, and I don't know if he is willing to call me his "friend" if I got to really know him. I know he would never be interested in me in a relationship way, so I did let him go "In that way". But theres still that part of me that wants to be in his life, and be his friend. Thats what I can't let go.

 

I am afraid to call him, simply because I'm afraid if I call him he would think I'm Off The Wall (for various reasons, I'm stalking him, or I'm obbessed with his voice, something...ect. The wrong idea)...and would never want to consider me as a friend to him. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's that I'm afraid I'll say something that he might think is weird-and ruin it (I talk oddly when I'm nervous) Very confusing.

 

Thank you everyone It really helps to be able to talk about this!

[Sable]

i am somewhat 'obsessed' with a friend of mine.

the difference he IS a friend of mine. A very close one. But no matter how close we are its just not enough. I see him almost everyday when hes home from uni. And i talk to him while hes away. I want to be with him every minute of everyday. I love him. But not in a sexual way. i just LOVE him. He left for uni today and i thought my heart was breaking.

Part of it could be that a friend of his was suddenly taken last year, his father shot him. He talks to me about it ,and i cant imagine how i would cope if something happened to take him away from me.

When i am with him i am so happy, his smell, his laugh, his teddy bear appearance.

The problem? your thinking. is that i cannot get enough of him. And i feel so clingy and obsessive, i dont want him to start to back off and go weird on me. But i can see it happening if i dont get a grip on this.

Is there something i can do to reduce the way i feel about him. I still want to be in his life and just as amazing friends. I just dont want to be so clingy.

xxx

[RobustMouse]

I had something like that for a teacher once...

 

I got an e-mail from a friend....she knows Jason more then I do. She says theres something important that she needs to tell me about him. I'll have to wait until she replys back to me.

 

Wish me Luck.

[Amethyst]

I only skimmed the replies in this thread, but I did want to say this:

 

You started this thread because you wanted to know how to get over the obsession. Once people started telling you how to get over it, you started saying you didn't want to take their advice. The fact that you don't *want* to do it doesn't lessen the truth of it being the best course of action. We're here to tell you what you *need* to hear -- not what you *want* to hear.

 

Contacting him *more* is NOT the way to get over an obsession. That is only going to fuel the fire. As someone else said, the best thing for you to do is cut your ties with him and STOP contacting him. No one said it would be easy or fun, but it's really the only way to end it.

 

You really need to make up your mind -- do you want to get over the obsession and move on with your life or do you want to continue this obsession and live in a fantasy world with a guy you hardly know in reality?

 

It's your choice.

[ksk0_0]

This is what I meant in my earlier post "You want THIS, but then at the same time - want THAT" Sorry but thats the truth... like Amethyst said... You came here to get advice, not to hear what you want to hear.

 

Take a course of action and just DO IT... no disrespect but by now I was sure you've done something about it, unfortunately - you haven't.

[Andy Scott]

Whew! Well I just read through nearly 5 full pages of forum messages and I can confidentally say I'm 'in' with the situation now.

 

Before I get started on my post, I have to tell you Vixil, I'm a little disappointed you didnt know about 'breaking the ice' when you're from Iceland!!! Haha, I'm just messing with you, it was just an....attempt at humor. I guess it failed.

 

I wanna apologize ahead of time in case I forget all of these bits of advice I was gathering while reading, I happen to have the worst memory known to man. Mmhmm...you'll see my name recorded in the World Records (I'm not a.d.d. I promise, this is like a preparation).

 

I can't say that I know what an obsession is like from personal experience, but I want to do my best to chat with you about what I believe in. Obsessions are the seeds of the emotions you have gathered inside of your heart. When you first have an obsession for someone, it's like those seeds are bursting open all at once without any control, flooding your senses and holding you prisoner, shackled to this person you're obsessed over! It's absolutely crazy! Am I kind of on track so far? Jason, as you call him, is a guy who seems to fit well within the group whether he has much in common or not, (I'm guessing) mostly because he's a listener and very accepting of people. There are a couple of reasons why I'm guessing you admire him.

 

The other aspect about obsessions that I've got on my mind is that it sometimes can be for someone you barely know at all. I know PLENTY of my friends who are girls that have an obsession on Brad Pitt, and they don't even know that ugly guy (haha, I'm sure someone will yell at me for that). I definitely do not want to make assumptions, because this is your show, not mine, so sorry if I do make a couple along the way!

 

From what I remember, you see him roughly every 3 to 6 weeks for a day at a time, and at events having to do with drama and plays. You've never really spent true 1-on-1 time with him before, so that contributes to your growing need to become friends with him. Oh, while I'm thinking of it, you can't fool me, I know that if you're obsessed with someone, you definitely want more than a friendship. It's just something you have to accept, I'm psychic.

 

What do you like about Jason? Telling me about it will do 2 things for you: it will give you better advice from other people, and help you sort out your feelings even more. Type out as many as you can think of, and don't be afraid to leave anything out, you'll never see any of us and we're all accepting here.

 

I know everyone in here is giving you great input and advice, so here's something else to keep in mind. We're not expecting you to do everything we say, because who can ever follow through with doing what people say? It's so much easier to write the words that carry out the actions, and that's just a fact. I think what's important for you to remember is that you're 16. Jason, as much of a great guy as he seems to you, is someone you may have to accept as just an acquaintence or nothing at all. I hate being harsh, but the best way to move on from situations is to face the problem directly. Don't side-step. Another thing I want to get to then as well. I believe in the fact that everything happens for a reason. I know it's hard to gather confidence within yourself to do the things you want, but just think. What you have to gain is so much more than what you have to lose. You have the opportunity to rise above the horizon to show him who you are. Being me, I find it attractive when a girl has lots of confidence and likes to grab my attention.

 

I don't know too much about Iceland, but is there any way other than the phone and in person in which you can get into contact with him? I know it's settling for rock-bottom, but if you have something like an instant messaging program that he has as well, it makes it much easier. If you don't, then it's even easier to realize that there are few differences between the phone and something more informal. You are still affecting people in the same way whether you're on the phone or writing emails or whatever. Be brave and realize that if you do something like that, and if its meant to happen, it could turn into something really great.

 

 

 

Vixil, I'm absolutely positive you're a great girl, and that despite the fact you may be different, you have so much to offer to someone else. Over time what will come with your confidence is the ability to attract guys that are more alike you, and it will be so much easier for you to express the feelings within your heart rather than letting the seeds sit inside. If Jason doesnt realize that you have great things to offer, than he is honestly not worthy of you. One of the users posted earlier about bringing him down to your level. That's absolutely right. In order to gain confidence, show him what you have to offer, and realize whether he deserves you or not, you should bring him down to your level. He's no more of a celebrity than you are, and the sooner you discover that, the easier it will be to either move past this obsession, or make something out of it. I would never ask you to give up, that's against who I am. I would, however, ask you to move on if you truly know that it won't work out to what you want it to be.

 

You can let go if you need to

 

I believe in you.

 

 

Andy