Have I taken a right decision.

[tanya53]

Hi,

 

I was in a relationship for almost 3 years with my best friend whom i met in Uni when i was 26 and he was 27. But things dint go very well. He was too short tempered and possessive and I cudnt cope with it. Sometimes I get grumpy and have mood swings too but his was so much that it would over power mine and suppress my anger and I go into depression and suppressed emotions often. But there are also days when I was really happy in the relationship as he had a great sense of humour and took care of me. There came a point where we need to decide on either getting married or going apart I dint give enough confidence to him that I am happy about marrying him, so we both mutually decided to breakup . After a few months of downtime my family introduced me to a guy , he was nice and decent and well behaved so i thought of giving it a go. Other than that he is a bit boring and quiet mostly he is a nice guy and gets along well with my family.

 

I was still thinking of the days with my ex. I cudnt forget him and dint love the new guy either, so I decided to request him for getting back to-gether one more time for which he strictly refused and he said "This is Over" . I know about him well once he takes a decision he is very stubborn about it so I got an Idea that he would never ever get back. My mother knows about it and she adviced me to go with the guy my family introduced me to as my ex wasnt ready to make this work.

 

When things were close to wedding plans, my ex came back asking to get back. Though I am so tempted to do so I have doubts and also that I have give the new guy a promise which I will be breaking and my family isnt happy about him getting back at his convenience either. he says things will change after marriage with less conflicts etc but I still doubt him for that .

 

Stopping my wedding will be almost impossible. I dont know what to do .

 

thanks,

tanya

[BigKK]

Why are you marrying someone you call "boring " is this some kind of arranged marriage or something? I'm confused.

[3Tears]

How do you just date and try to marry someone your family decides is good for you? O_o

[ParisPaulette]

Well, in cases like this the third option is usually the best. You don't a) marry the boring guy, just 'cause your family says. Hey, they aren't the ones that have to live with him, right? b) you also don't get back with the ex who was short-tempered and controlling to the point that he made you angry either. No prize with that one and marrying him would be trading a different set of problems where you might be facing growing abuse and anger issues instead of yawning yourself silly with the current go.

 

So that leaves a third option. You call off the wedding to Mr. Boring, tell him you don't love him, tell your ex to take his anger issues and take a rolling bleep at a flying donut and you walk off into the sunset by yourself to live your life the way you want to. And realize that somewhere out there is a guy who isn't short-tempered and controlling OR boring but loved by the family. I would go with the third, I've done both the other options and may I just say...they both sucked. I'm not sure who was worse, Mr. Anger Issues/Abusive or Mr. Boring, but I'm glad I didn't make either of them my final life choice in a partner.

 

I suggest you do the same.

[tanya53]

Why are you marrying someone you call "boring " is this some kind of arranged marriage or something? I'm confused.

 

yes it is an arranged marriage

[tanya53]

How do you just date and try to marry someone your family decides is good for you? O_o

well thats the boring fact about arranged marriage

[tanya53]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I wish I had that much courage. Whatever you said is what I dream but they are just dreams I dont think that will ever happen to me. I am 29 and too old to me unmarried or be without a partner. So I felt i dont have much time left and hence agreed to an arranged wedding. Stopping this would affect the guys family and also will shake his confidence and make him embarrassed in front of his family and mine. I really wished I met someone who is in neither of this extreme but think I am not lucky. Also worried that I will end up being single and left alone when all my friends already got settled down in their lives.

[kellogs]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I wish I had that much courage. Whatever you said is what I dream but they are just dreams I dont think that will ever happen to me. I am 29 and too old to me unmarried or be without a partner. So I felt i dont have much time left and hence agreed to an arranged wedding. Stopping this would affect the guys family and also will shake his confidence and make him embarrassed in front of his family and mine. I really wished I met someone who is in neither of this extreme but think I am not lucky. Also worried that I will end up being single and left alone when all my friends already got settled down in their lives.

 

you are 29 and already getting depressed over it ?

My sister has just turned 33 and still taking it easy. The girl I am after is 31 and I have been waiting for, like, 3 years for her to show up. Oh, I did screw up with her too and she does not seem that eager to restart what we have begun.

 

Girl, get marries only when you want to, if you want to, not because some social pressure.

[Monkey ai]

I guess OP is from some traditional culture, which I do understand, but 29 is very young, I do think it is time to have more serious relationship not just dating, it is time to find a right partner and maybe have kids if you are planning. I do not think you should marry either, but to find good one for yourself. you need know what you want, who you are.

Or you can get married and have kids then divorce later, if you are prepare for that, life is journey. No one can say it is wrong or right, I have seen many arranged marriages work out fine.