down, lonely, idk

[frank88]

idk what it is but for the past couple of months i have been feeling very down and lonely. its not like i dont have any friends and i dont have any problems in my family. i dont know what it is. i think it os that im just lonely, and i feel like i need someone to talk to, like to fill an emotional void is or something. i have a friend like thatbut i think ineed a girlfriend or something like that. The truth is i dont really have any friends that are girls that i speak to outside of school. its not that i dont like girls its just that i find it very hard to talk to them, espicially those that i find attractive. its not something i like about myself, i am a very shy person. when i look back on some friendships that ive had with girls i ralize how dumb i was because i can see so many signs that show that the girl was interested in me. now i am even afraid to go upt girls because because i think they are too hot, or popular, or cool for me.

i need some advice on how to change this because these feelings are affecting almost every part of myself, i find myself thinking about girls so much that i dont get any of my school work done, i jsut stay in my room, listen to music and think. i dont know what to do. how can i turn myself around.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

U can't change the fact that things had past. But u can make improvements for today and tomorrow. All u need to do to is to just pay attention a bit more, next time ur eyes wander and land themselves on some particular maid.

 

U can change things around. The destiny is in ur hands, tomorrow can always be better.

[ShySoul]

Hey, it's alright. I'm also a very shy person and still haven't been able to approach a girl I like. We all want that connection, that feeling that there is someone special in our lives. We all want someone to hold and to love. But if you haven't found her yet, its nothing to be worried about. It gets me down too at times but I try to think positive.

 

First thing is to realize that not having a girlfriend isn't a bad thing. Don't focus on the lonliness, that will only make it worse. Instead, think about your schoolwork. Focus on your friends. Do things you like to do. Don't focus on finding a girl, let that happen when the time is right.

 

Next, build up your confidence in yourself. Focus on all your good qualities and keep telling yourself that you are a good person. No girl is too hot, too popular, or too cool. Anyone who acts like they are is being shallow and not worth a second thought. A girl should like you for you, so just be yourself and you'll attract someone. In fact, you said you already attracted a few. These girls wouldn't have been giving you hints if you didn't have some attractive qualities.

 

Last, when you find yourself interested in a girl, just take a chance and go for it. I know this is hard, especially for a shy person. But you can't expect to get anywhere if you are not willing to take a risk. Use those times you didn't say something and wish you had as motivation. Vow not to make that mistake again. Then bite the bullet and go for it.

[Rysen]

Hey frank,

 

I found myself feeling the same way when I was around your age. It was difficult for me to speak to girls...and whenever I found one I was interested in I would be too insecure and shy to talk to her. I thought about it a lot, and felt really lonely. I would just sit here on my computer at night, listen to music, and think about things. I always felt really unmotivated to do anything, really. I was too caught up in the idea that I needed a girlfriend to be happy.

 

Well, I soon discovered that that wasn't true. I don't know what happened but one day I "woke up" and realised that if I spent as much energy on doing things to improve myself rather than think my about insecurities then I would be far better off. As a result I gained a lot more confidence in myself as I worked harder at things that interested me...mostly music. I spent a whole lot of energy composing, and learning piano, so one day while I was playing at school a girl noticed me. Because of my new found confidence, I was able to speak to her more easily, and after a couple of months we ended up dating for a year and a half. I attribute this to feeling better about myself, and not actively looking for someone. I found that the harder I tried the more lonlier I felt, so I just focused instead on improving myself and found it to be really rewarding.

 

Basically, you *will* meet someone, this I can guaruntee, that you will hit it off with. You probably haven't met her yet, and it probably won't happen until you least expect it, but the point is it will happen some day. Until that time, focus on *you*. Set some goals to try and achieve and focus on obtaining those goals. As prosper said, the past is the past and there is nothing you can do to change it, but the what happens in the future is up to you. Think back to the experiences you've had and use them to shape your actions in the future. The rest will fall into place.

 

Feel free to PM me any time you need someone to talk to.

Cheers,

-Rysen

[ticklebug]

Frank

 

It is less a girl you are in need of and more a boost in your self confidence.

 

I see you are 16....at that age, or younger, you are ony JUST starting to develop that male instinct when it comes to attraction. Don't kick yourself for not "seeing the signs"...it's more that you weren't hormonally developed to notice...now that you are getting older those senses are coming in and it's more than likely your reason for a sudden "need" for a girlfriend. (btw, girls get that instinct sooner than boys do...it's all inthe hormones!)

 

Of course you view yourself as a bit gawky and unattractive..every teen goes through that stage but I'll hazard a guess you are cuter to girls than you think.

 

Your best bet is to start talking to girls less out of trying to find a girlfriend, but more work on the friendship angle...talk to girls in your classes about common interests...start building your confidence that way...then, when you start to feel better about yourself...you will start noticing girls noticing you again....

[frank88]

thank you guys so much, your advice has really helped me out

 

i think that just knowing now what i can do rather than just sittin aroud and waiting for something to happen that i have an idea of how to go about helping my self maked e feel so much better.

 

i think that i jst had no idea of a direction to go about it

 

thank you