pfbsurf Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 OK, going to post some of my thoughts/concerns, just journaling but maybe looking for guidance/support as well. Day 10 since i broke it off over the phone. 10 months, she drifted, started texting a guy and lying about it. I just pulled the plug. There were some compatibilty issues (there always are) and we lived an hour apart. We also have very different lives, i have three kids, she's a single social butterfly. But. I got very attached. I have personal issues i'm dealing with (depression, drinking...) and this came at a bad time, although there would honestly have never been a "good" time. I'm proud of the fact that I was able to walk away, she would have been fine having it both ways, but it still is very tough. I miss her quite a bit, and I certainly have a bruised ego about her basically not really wanting to work on things with me, and her having other options lined up. Trying to be a man about all this - she texted me a couple of times and i gave minimal responses. I don't expect any more texting from her and I won't be tempted at all to reach out. I just got off of facebook. (Instead of deleting her as a friend, i changed my password and deleted the new code email without looking at new pw... don't need to cruise FB for now anyway...) So... Here is the deal. We were supposed to go to a wedding this weekend - we were both actually really looking forward to it, even while I knew she was texting another guy. Now i'm wondering if I made a mistake, should i have just stuck it out? Will "girls be girls" and should I have been more casual with her? Arghhh. i am just worried that this weekend I will obsess about all of this, wonder if she's there, if she has a date. I'm sure she will. Very sad. I hope, really hope, that this next few days will be the start of a full recovery for me. I feel pretty pathetic right now - just how I"m obsessing about her still, and second guessing myself. i have to remind myself that I miss the companionship, the idea of a relationship, the sex and intimacy - but do NOT miss her lying, her narcissism, her disregard for my feelings. It NEVER would have worked out. I have to keep all of that in mind. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 No --- you should not have stuck it out. "girls being girls"....she was cheating on you. The wedding itself --- she will likely still go. She will likely not bring a date but just enjoy herself. Make plans with your kids for the weekend and have fun. Obsessing about her is a complete waste of energy. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 ok - still journaling. Practical ideas for me to take my mind off of her this weekend. It is going to be the first day of summer. STAY BUSY - outdoor stuff Sat from 1-4, then a concert at 7, go w/friends. Maybe get some surfing in. Buy myself something with the money that I would have spent (probably 3-400 bucks?) at the wedding. New sunglasses? Work out. Don't drink that much. Stay with / talk with friends. Clean apartment. Ok, that's not much of a treat but it will make me feel better. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Dont drink period. Take the kids to an amusement park or something fun --- mini golf, a drive in movie. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 No --- you should not have stuck it out. "girls being girls"....she was cheating on you. The wedding itself --- she will likely still go. She will likely not bring a date but just enjoy herself. Make plans with your kids for the weekend and have fun. Obsessing about her is a complete waste of energy. I know. Lately i've been good at obsessing and wasting energy. Its the head and the heart thing right now. I almost feel that this is necessary - I cruised through the first few days of NC and have slid back. this will be a tougher one, but will hopefully put some finality on things. Part of me (the crazy heart part) was/is holding out for her to actually ask me to go... NUTS!) And knowing her, she will either not go or go with a date (she did confirm that we were going the day before I broke up w her) My kids are w/their mom but I will be able to see them. Luckily i've got plenty of options (see other post) so i can stay busy. But none of that changes the little voice in my head right now (you blew it, you'll never find someone like her again, you were too needy, if only....). Just slogging through it. I will post in a few weeks and quote myself from these posts to show the difference NC makes - and to show how ludicrous some of this is (all of it?) Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Dont drink period. Take the kids to an amusement park or something fun --- mini golf, a drive in movie. drive in - that sounds fun... they've never been Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I remember my dad taking us in the big convertible....and having hamburgers and soda....very good memory. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 so cool... Funny how this heart/attachment thing works. You'd think I"d be just happy to move on from someone that started to treat me that way... Years from now when I look back i would say that hanging out with my kids instead of a girlfriend that was sortofkindof into me over a summer weekend was a no-brainer.. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 "you blew it, you'll never find someone like her again, you were too needy, if only....). Just slogging through it." - This is just part of the questions and 'what if's' part of breaking up. Believe me... with what she has put you through.. (her lying, her narcissism, her disregard for my feelings.), You WILL find someone out there, much more compatible for you. We all go thru this mental & emotional part after a loss like this. It is normal to have so many things going on in our head as we are curious about them, wondering what they are doing, thinking etc. and yes, missing certain things about them, but that will fade, in time. Soon, enough, you will come to see why it didn't work and accept it and start healing. Life will improve... you will move on. Link to comment
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