Was I raped?

[vanana]

Hi. Yesterday after school a classmate came over to work on a personal projet I agreed to help with. He wanted to drink and I thought okay why not. He never once expressed interest in me in class so I thought everything was normal

 

At some point he just shove his tongue in my mouth. My weird reaction is to laugh and say 'what are you doing?

He picks me up with his strong arms and bring me to bed in my bedroom. I'm still choked and don't understand. He strongly takes my clothes away, I don't want but I let him. I'm confused. He's being super rough

 

Then he unzips he removes all his clothes just as fast. I said' wow you're serious.. '

I don't know why I couldn't react stronger..

He just went on me and entered me directly and started to me super hard. I'm usually quiet but this made me scream. He would put his hand on my mouth and say' shut up' on a 'funny' tone.

 

I'm just there letting him do Wathever I'm chock. At some point he decides he's ing my ass. I'm like man!! No no no ouchhh! He didn't do it for long at least.. Still.. My vagina is sore of his intensity.. He ed me 4 times to completion. He wouldn't let me leave the bedroom he thought it was funny and told me I liked it. I felt so awkward and I didn't want to provoke. I just said yeah whatever. I tried to keep my cool, I was alone in my place with him and his seat next to me everyday in class. I don't even think he realizes what he did.

 

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk

[Cheetarah]

Yes, you were. I'm very sorry you had that experience.

[Man with Dog]

It WAS rape and you need to see the police and get counselling. I'm really sorry to hear this and wish you all the best.

[greta96]

Did you ever say "NO, I'm calling the police if you don't leave"?

I don't know, but if he had sex with you 4 times to completion and you said nothing stronger than "yeah whatever", I'm not sure it can be viewed as rape. It may not have been what you wanted but or expected but because you didn't fight him off or told him in no uncertain terms that you were not ok with it you may have trouble proving it was rape.

[happy_snapper]

Did you ever say "NO, I'm calling the police if you don't leave"?

I don't know, but if he had sex with you 4 times to completion and you said nothing stronger than "yeah whatever", I'm not sure it can be viewed as rape. It may not have been what you wanted but or expected but because you didn't fight him off or told him in no uncertain terms that you were not ok with it you may have trouble proving it was rape.

 

Although I agree that you might have trouble proving it was rape, it was still rape.

[t1lersm0m1]

Yes, it was rape. Date rape is very different from stranger rape. I was date raped, but didn't realize it was rape until a counselor I was seeing for something else told me it was rape. I knew afterward I felt wrong, bad, something bad had happened, but I didn't know it was rape until someone else vocalized it.

 

Legally, you might have a hard time proving it, but emotionally and in every way, this is rape.

[greta96]

Although I agree that you might have trouble proving it was rape, it was still rape.

 

I know it was, but I'm just telling her she will have trouble proving it.

OP at least you should have reported right away and gone to the hospital for a rape kit.

If you don't report him because you don't want to make waves and cause trouble he will keep doing this to other girls...

[Cheetarah]

I'm not speaking on whether or not it would be difficult to prove rape as I will make no assumptions that you will make any kind of a report. That is completely your choice. And even if it were your concern in this thread, we still wouldn't qualify to answer a legal question like that.

 

But it was rape. It really makes me a little ill inside when people expect that you have to say "I am going to call the police" or say something "stronger" in order for you to be allowed to label it as rape. Greta, I hope you are merely referring to legalities. If you are, my apologies.

[greta96]

I'm not speaking on whether or not it would be difficult to prove rape as I will make no assumptions that you will make any kind of a report. That is completely your choice. And even if it were your concern in this thread, we still wouldn't qualify to answer a legal question like that.

 

But it was rape. It really makes me a little ill inside when people expect that you have to say "I am going to call the police" or say something "stronger" in order for you to be allowed to label it as rape. Greta, I hope you are merely referring to legalities. If you are, my apologies.

 

No worries, I am only talking about proving to the authorities (in case she wants to go that way).

[IAmFCA]

Rape.

 

You didn't react more strongly because you were utterly unprepared for such a transgression. It is not an uncommon response.

 

It may be difficult to prove use of force. Use of force is no longer necessary to prove rape in most locations in the US. However, you would have to prove he knew you didnt want sex, and that is more difficult to prove. He might admit that he knew he was acting against your will; that happened in a landmark case in Pennsylvania, but it would be unusual.

 

It is important to get police and medical examination involved, now. Timing is very important. You might not choose to go forward, but at least give yourself the option.

 

What happened to you has happened to many of us, possibly one third of the population. We need to normalize our response to it, make it normal that we follow up, act out against it. The law might not be on your side, today, but going to the law will give yourself a record that you may be glad to have tomorrow. And taking that step will, in some small way, create a pathway for others to follow. And you will know that you did what you could do, and you will have learned as much as you can.

 

At least you will know that you were the best advocate for yourself that you can be.

 

Go, please, now.

[IAmFCA]

OP, I am sorry this happened to you. Talking about it will help you become bigger than the event itself, as you surely are.

 

It is hard for me not to get angry when I read about these kinds of events. It really is.

 

Avoiding the reality of it will only delay its effect on you. Talk talk talk, with a counselor, with the law, with a doctor.

 

Understand that rape is not about sex, it is about violence. It is a violation of someone, an imposition of someone else's will. That is what violence is. The sex acts happen to be the channel of the violence, but it is really violence first and foremost. It is disgusting. I am so sorry.

 

My rapist later trashed his dorm and was tossed out of college, despite having previously received a sports scholarship. He was unable to manage his anger. I share this to offer one more piece of evidence that this act was about him and his out-of-control character, and not at all about you.

[vanana]

Thank you all very much for your answers. It makes me feel more 'normal' it still feels unreal and I feel like it's my fault. I called the police and went to the hospital after it haopened at least. I'm just not sure about pressing charges. I feel like I could have done more tons top him and also after the act I tried to act calm not to provoke him in case. I'm sure he has no idea about how I feel. But he's my classmate and sit next to me.. I'll have to think about what I'll do

 

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk

[IAmFCA]

You can be proud of yourself that you went to the hosp and the police. That is really good that you did what needed to be done, you didn't avoid it, and you recognized the need right away.

 

Did the police or the medical staff offer any guidance about pressing charges? (Not that their guidance is reliable, btw).

[superfan]

Thank you all very much for your answers. It makes me feel more 'normal' it still feels unreal and I feel like it's my fault. I called the police and went to the hospital after it haopened at least. I'm just not sure about pressing charges. I feel like I could have done more tons top him and also after the act I tried to act calm not to provoke him in case. I'm sure he has no idea about how I feel. But he's my classmate and sit next to me.. I'll have to think about what I'll do

 

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk

 

Some things you NEED to know

 

1. It was NOT your fault. You said NO. It doesn't matter how forcefully. It doesn't matter whether you screamed or flailed around. You said No. Therefore it was rape. End of story. He should not require you to scream and throw yourself around for him to stop. No means NO.

 

2. Press charges. I know it will be a difficult ordeal and I can understand the instinct to want to just pretend it never happened, but here's the thing - if he gets away with it, he will do it again. Maybe not to you, but to someone else.

 

3. Don't second guess yourself. Could you have 'done more'? Maybe. But maybe trying would have gotten you hurt. Trying to calm him was a normal response. You were in shock and probably weren't thinking straight. Your reactions do not make you at fault. HE is at fault. Put the blame where it belongs.

[Capricorn3]

I don't know, but if he had sex with you 4 times to completion and you said nothing .... you may have trouble proving it was rape.

I have to admit, that's the part I'm having trouble with the most. Four times. That indicates to me this would be over a long period of time - at least a couple of hours - (as I can't see a man going to completion four times in a very very short space of time). Due to this fact, I think it will be very hard to prove it was rape.