Charlotte12 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I noticed in a lot of stories I read, and even in mine...that some of the break ups end with some weird attitudes from the dumpers giving their dumpees false hope and telling them things to keep you "hanging" Why do they do it? Is it just that they feel guilty? Is it pity? Is it that they are not so sure? Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I think some people may have a hard time hurting other people, so instead of coming right out and saying it, they try to be vague. However, because we look for hope to cling on, we take their vagueness to mean they don't REALLY want the break up. Bottom line, if someone wanted to be with you, they would. If they aren't with you, it's because, for whatever reason, they don't want to be. Many of us look for the reason, hoping if we know the reason, we can change or fix it. The reason doesn't matter. Link to comment
Clio Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Is it just that they feel guilty? Is it pity? Is it that they are not so sure? All the above plus they want you there as plan B. However, to be fair it takes two to play that game. The dumpee has a choice in this and can always opt out from all this. In addition, some dumpees will hang on for dear life even in situations where the other one is just trying to be polite. Hope can make people misinterpret even neutral behavior. That is why no contact is good when one is trying to heal from a break up. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 The simple answer is, "because they can." Link to comment
DancingFool Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Some people have a hard time being direct and think they are actually being nice by letting you down "gently". Some like to keep a safety net, just in case freedom doesn't pan out like they hoped and they like the idea of keeping you in the back pocket. Some like to use you as a crutch to get over you slowly. Ultimately, nobody can really leave you hanging, only you. It's up to you to accept that it's over and move on. You can remove yourself from that hook any time you want and it really is quite empowering. Just like the dumper decided that something is not working for them and it's over, the dumpee in turn can say, hey, they dumped me and so things were not right and I don't like being treated like that, so it's over. Link to comment
Beduldac Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I noticed in a lot of stories I read, and even in mine...that some of the break ups end with some weird attitudes from the dumpers giving their dumpees false hope and telling them things to keep you "hanging" Why do they do it? Is it just that they feel guilty? Is it pity? Is it that they are not so sure? Well, I am not hanging. I went no contact as soon as I knew what the real situation was. I refuse to be her "friend." If she comes back, she better be crawling. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 They don't leave you hanging...you are hanging on to dental floss. The minute someone tells me they don't want me in their life...I walk out the door. And don't wait around trying to peek in the window. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Good thread. Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Some people have a hard time being direct and think they are actually being nice by letting you down "gently". Some like to keep a safety net, just in case freedom doesn't pan out like they hoped and they like the idea of keeping you in the back pocket. Some like to use you as a crutch to get over you slowly. Ultimately, nobody can really leave you hanging, only you. It's up to you to accept that it's over and move on. You can remove yourself from that hook any time you want and it really is quite empowering. Just like the dumper decided that something is not working for them and it's over, the dumpee in turn can say, hey, they dumped me and so things were not right and I don't like being treated like that, so it's over. Very insightful and empowering advice. I'm gonna take it. Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 image removed Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk Link to comment
Charlotte12 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 image removed Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk I know...I know I shouldn't but it hurts...it even hurts to think that he couldn't care less about me Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I know...I know I shouldn't but it hurts...it even hurts to think that he couldn't care less about me I'm in the same situation.. It hurts I know but remember you deserve better. So do I. Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk Link to comment
milkycoffee7 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 They don't leave you hanging...you are hanging on to dental floss. The minute someone tells me they don't want me in their life...I walk out the door. And don't wait around trying to peek in the window. I love this Link to comment
okiedokiestomp Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Because we let them. As others have said its your choice. You teach someone how to treat you by what you are willing to put up with. While some ex's no longer want a dumpee romantically, they are not yet ready to fully let you go completely either...that is about them not you. Link to comment
Beduldac Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Because we let them. As others have said its your choice. You teach someone how to treat you by what you are willing to put up with. While some ex's no longer want a dumpee romantically, they are not yet ready to fully let you go completely either...that is about them not you. When she first broke up with me in March, I would have done anything to get her back. Even worse, she left me for another man. That should have been enough to break me out of it. In truth, it took no contact and time to bring me out of it. They cannot keep you on the backburner when you end contact. There is nothing to be gained by waiting around or being their friend. You have to be strong enough to let them go. If they want to make contact with you, they are perfectly capable. Until then, live your own life like they are never coming back. If they never come back, you are better off for it. Link to comment
JenLyn4 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 They do tend to say things like "talk to you later" or "I'm hear if you need to talk" ....yeah no thanks I think that will be the last we talk. Link to comment
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