abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 One of the girls I work with has an online dating profile. I messaged her and introduced myself and told her that we work together and such. She thought that was a neat coincidence and I told her I might stop by her department at work and say hello (never have met her in person though I've seen her in the hallways). Today I planned to introduce myself in person but I had problems with nervousness about the whole thing so I didn't, and I was pressed for time anyways. I sent her a message when I got home and told her that I meant to drop by but I didn't have much time. I then gave her my number in case she wants to text me. Too much without having met her in person? Is it okay that I gave her my number, or was that a stupid move? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Unless I was interested in the guy, that would make me feel uncomfortable. Does she work in a different department? After bad experiences, people often don't like dating coworkers. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Well, she's not obligated to use your number so I wouldn't worry about that. I doubt she'll call you though. She doesn't even know you or have any reason to want to at this point. Who knows though, I've certainly been wrong before Maybe you should just go over and strike up a conversation with her or if you're too shy to do that then try and engage her in convo through the dating site and then ask her out. Keep in mind that if things don't go well... You'll be going to the same place to work everyday. Link to comment
memento Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 You work with each other. Bad move. You never date someone you work with, or someone from somewhere you frequent often. You need disappearing abilities, that way you can poof like a ninja. Cause if you disappear from work you unemployed. And she can say your sexually harassing her now. Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah she works in a different department and I'd have to go out of my way to talk to her. This whole "you'll see her everyday" isn't an issue. So, um, I told her that I wanted to just be friends anyways so maybe that's less pressure? I don't think she'll like me like that so I said that to avoid romantic pressure and just get to know her as a friend. I got nervous and panicked about it and didn't have an opportune time, she was busy with clients quite a bit today. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 So, um, I told her that I wanted to just be friends anyways so maybe that's less pressure? I don't think she'll like me like that so I said that to avoid romantic pressure and just get to know her as a friend. If some guy found me on a dating site and then said this, I would not believe him. Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 Well, it's a half-truth. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 If you wanted her as a date and a possible gf then why would you want to be just her "friend?" I, for the life of me will never understand why young men keep wanting to be some girls male girlfriend. Google "The Ladder Theory" and educate yourself about the "friends ladder" and the "Potential Ladder" You don't want to be placed on the "friends ladder." Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 No, it's not what I want but it's what is realistic. I can't get a lot of girls interested in me. I am not only desiring a romantic partner, but I have no close platonic friends at all, so I need to fill both brackets. Link to comment
memento Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 You probably sound really insecure to her. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Then I suggest you start filling up the platonic basket with male friends so that you'll have someone to go out with, with the intentions of meeting and getting with women that may very well be your next girlfriend. Being a girls platonic friend when you actually find them attractive and would like more with them is not going to help your cause or end goal. Join an amature sports league or something. Link to comment
faraday Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 If you need to ask, it's probably a bad idea lol. Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah, been there done that lol. Don't get along with guys unfortunately. Link to comment
faraday Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 What?!!? That's.....odd. It's odd that you don't have close friends...but even odder that you won't be friends with people of your own gender. Did you just move? Why don't you have friends? Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 What?!!? That's.....odd. It's odd that you don't have close friends...but even odder that you won't be friends with people of your own gender. Did you just move? Why don't you have friends?None of my good friends from high school pursued college as did I, and we do not keep in touch. I have been acquaintances with many different cliques, but never really got close to anyone. I was a loner. I am not weird or a strange person; I can be quite fun it's just that I am extremely shy. Most of the males I know through work and school are either into hiking/climbing and big excursions or smoking illegal substances and partying and debauchery lol. Neither of those categories are in line with the interests that I have, like going to plays or seeing shows, and live music, etc. When I go to these things, most of the women have dates already. Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 I hope I didn't make a mistake.... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Sweetie, maybe you should try to branch out some of your activities to make male friends. doesn't hurt to pick up hiking. Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 I don't disagree. It's something I should do, I guess I'm just more interested in pursuing women, because obviously there's romantic potential. IDK how to even start up these groups though, or assimilate into them. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 You can join a hiking meetup group if that's in your area. Link to comment
abysmal Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 You can join a hiking meetup group if that's in your area.Yeah perhaps. I've thought about signing up for intramural sports and activities like boxing, but usually registration fills up. I guess there's always something like Craigslist. hahaha. I need to do something though because I am seriously unfulfilled and lonely. Link to comment
faraday Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 I need to do something though because I am seriously unfulfilled and lonely. You create your own happiness. You control your own destiny. If you want a different life, it's as simple as thinking about what you want, breaking it down in terms of smaller steps and doing them. I get wanting a partner more than friends...but your level of desirability will go up exponentially if you have friends and a fulfilling social life. No one wants to date someone who immediately becomes their everything...unless they themselves are broken. Link to comment
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