Commitmentphobia About Social Changing Attitudes to Relationships?? Other Cultur

[Silverbirch]

I've read heaps about Commitmentphobia, and yesterday there was an article in the newspaper in a regular relationships column written by a psychologist. Sorry, not sure if I can find a link when I try, but the author was saying pretty much that whilst men and women can both love, commitment is a completely thing to most men than it is to women, and that due to social changes, marriage is simply something that doesn't make a lot of sense to most men these days. I have a son in his 20's who tells me he won't ever marry, and I respect that.

 

A lot of what I have read about Commitmentphobia pathologises it, but this article was more about the sociological perspectives.

 

It's a subject I have struggled with for a couple of years - been In long-term relationships which ended and I think it was related to views on commitment - neither of the men have married though one has been "engaged" again for 4 years. I just feel like I am still ."missing something" with regard to my understanding of this sometimes.

 

I'm starting to think too that men from some other cultures are bound to have different views than contemporary western men. If I do date again, it may be outside of my own culture because I'm tired of the big paranoia about Commitmentphobia - At least with men from my own culture.

 

Has anyone else had. Experiences with this which they would like to share.

[chitown9]

Unfortunately, I do not think that changing to men of a different culture will guarantee that you will avoid the issue of commitment phobia because I think that condition exists in every culture. The trick is to find a man that suits you who does not have that condition. Just my thoughts. ....chi

[Silverbirch]

Yes, I think there are no guarantees, but I wonder if it is dramatically more prevalent in our culture than in others.

[poetryandlyrics]

Yes, I think there are no guarantees, but I wonder if it is dramatically more prevalent in our culture than in others.

 

I wouldn't think so. All varies about the same, perhaps. I read an article about Japan and their dwindling population. Basically, because of inequality in gender (women still want to work, not expected to leave work when married/with kids and for guys, not enough money earned to support the family by himself), they're forgoing marriage, dating, and sometimes even sex. Maybe one night stands or something or nothing at all.

[Batya33]

I don't think it's cultural. I think in many instances commitmentphobia is not a phobia -just a normal fear of committing to the wrong person. A better plan would be to stop dating someone as soon as he starts expressing strong fears of committing (whether to you or to anyone) and resume dating only if/when the man returns to you and has resolved those concerns and is ready to commit right then.

[Silverbirch]

Hmmm. All very interesting, but I'm not sure. I was having a discussion recently, and the were saying that in Australian law, once a couple has even lived together for 6 months, if they break up! partners have the right to take legal actions against the other for financial settlement, and this helps make a lot of us more and more cautious about even living with another person. They cited cases they knew of personally which were scarey.

 

I personally think that views about marriage and live-in relationships will be turned upside down for a lot of people, mostly because of money. That might sound shallow, but the stories I heard were about older women who were at risk of losing their homes from relatively short-lived relationships - ones which had lasted 6 months - and there was reasonable info to suggest that at least one of those women had been set-up for 6 months to extract a property settlement from her.