Louder than normal.....

[Dougie_D]

I honestly really get upset when I hear this from people I know. Various conversations, and someone might say this "Yeah, of course they know, because you're super loud"...

 

That really really hurts me inside. I was born with bad hearing. I got operation where I don't have to wear hearing aids but I'm sure I am louder just because of how I was born, etc...

 

There are also just loud talkers in general I think...New York? (my parents are actually from New York!)

 

I'm just trying to figure out a way for me to make myself not feel bad. I'm crying as I type this. I was born with it. I hate telling people about my "hearing" past because I don't want them to treat me like a "disabled"

 

I don't treat myself like a 'disabled"... It's only when I know other people do, is when I feel like to the point to want to kill myself.

 

Has anyone felt like this?? How do you deal with it??

[RainyCoast]

Does your doc think your volume is understandable given the situation with your hearing and the surgery? If this is normal for patients with this diagnosis and procedure then your friends are simply being very inconsiderate and rude.

 

In any case, how loud can you possibly be? And if it's something you can't have any control over they really should just accept it, gosh.

 

Have you asked your doc about your speaking volume? Is there a specialist who could help you train your voice a little or would you then have trouble hearing yourself? sorry, i'm not familiar with how hearing problems work in medical terms..

 

It sounds like the gang is just being inconsiderate. How are they as friends otherwise? I mean if they're only good to go for drinks with or have regular conversations maybe they're just not the best friends for you.

 

And yes, there are plenty loud talkers out there. I can understand people being slightly uncomfortable around them but no more if they're otherwise not too rowdy or anything. My mom talks really loud and my boyfriend is one of those people who only talk loud on the phone, as in "i have to shout because Frank is 3000 miles away" while i'm very quiet. I don't hold it against them, i even find it a bit funny sometimes and have simply gotten used to it. It's really not a big deal, i mean, some people actually ask me to repeat words that i've said in a quiet voice because they don't hear them and i'm still trying to adjust my voice so that it doesn't feel too loud for me or too quiet for them.

 

Is it how everyone who knows you reacts to you or just this group of friends? They sound harsh on you, maybe you should try to make some new ones you're more comfortable with (and them with you)?

[Minilogue]

I don't treat myself like a 'disabled"... It's only when I know other people do, is when I feel like to the point to want to kill myself.

 

Dougie_D if you want to kill yourself over a birth defect you need to get yourself into therapy. Badly. There are bigger issues at play you need to discover. It will probably do you the world of good talking to someone other than a internet forum about your issues..

[RainyCoast]

Dougie_D if you want to kill yourself over a birth defect...

It will probably do you the world of good talking to someone other than a internet forum about your issues..

 

i agree a birth defect should not be making you this depressed. I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, you simply speak a little louder and someone's inconsiderate reaction to a little thing like that should not get you down so much.

 

It would definitely be good to speak to someone more understanding about this. A good, normal person would not put you down because of this and you need to realize that so some bully doesn't control how you feel about yourself.

 

If they're being that rude they're obviously not worth sweating over.

[Dougie_D]

Dougie_D if you want to kill yourself over a birth defect you need to get yourself into therapy. Badly. There are bigger issues at play you need to discover. It will probably do you the world of good talking to someone other than a internet forum about your issues..

 

I've always wanted to kill myself since I remember, but I remember SPECIFICALLY the day I never wanted to die. I'm afraid to die like no other.... probably why I have panic attacks and anxiety all the time. It's gonna happen eventually, but I think about it NON-STOP.

 

I was like 6 or 7 and I looked at the sky and saw the stars and told myself "when you die you are just going to float UP for the enternity"..

 

This is probably another reason why I have a fear of heights.

 

I would have killed myself by now if I knew I a "heaven" existed.

[RainyCoast]

Dougie, please find a good therapist now. you don't deserve to feel like this, for whatever reason you're feeling like it.

[Dougie_D]

I've only had many 6 people tell me "I'm loud" before my entire life. But I get upset because they say it like they've known it since they've met me. Like they were being nice, but all of sudden this was the time to mention it to me.

 

I may possibly be just an "over emotional" guy.

[Dougie_D]

Trust me...it goes WAY deeper than my "hearing". I honestly don't think anyone could fix me. I need VALIDATION from STRANGERS. If I don't get that, I don't know what's worth living for. Strangers become friends, lovers, etc... Having family love you is bull-crap. They don't HAVE to love me in anyway, but they do... I need someone to love me outside of that.

[RainyCoast]

that doesn't sound like you're very loud at all then. and even if you were, like i said, you just talk louder, it's not a big deal. You get hurt about stuff because you're generally depressed. Work on the depression first and when that starts getting better a remark about your speaking volume won't matter to you at all. Depression is treatable mate, lots of folks have recovered from it and moved on to feeling good about life. Find a support group, a therapist and share how you feel with other people who are going or have gone through this, you will be encouraged just hearing that it does change and being surrounded with people who understand and can help is priceless.

[Dougie_D]

I need VALIDATION. Only the WORLD can treat that. If I'm not someone, I'm nobody...

[Dougie_D]

I've never had a "girlfriend"...that's as simple as my "validation"comes. Basically, if I can't get someone to love me outside of my own world (myself and family) then why should I be here? There is EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL love. I've never had the physical aspect. It's like someone that who's never learned how to drive, but is can get rides from anyone they like..and when they try to drive they seem to wreck all the time. I just want to get past a mile!

 

I'm starting to not care about girls as much, but honestly it slightly bothers me. I just WANT TO KNOW that a girl would date me even if we never dated.

 

Just a simple "he's kinda cute but he's weird" would help...but instead, I just get the "noway, he's weird"

[RainyCoast]

you think the rest of us get validation?!!! gees, the world doesn't give a damn whether most of us feel appreciated or not!! most people care predominately about themselves, not others and some even take a fancy putting others down- they don't try to make the rest of us feel good. if that's what we waited for we'd wait forever.

i don't see you getting better without therapy. but you seem to not want to get better.

 

love is an inside job first. whether it comes from outside as well is secondary. a lot of people won't find it outside themselves and should hardly lie down and die because of that. boy, would that cause a drop in population.

[Dougie_D]

you think the rest of us get validation?!!! gees, the world doesn't give a damn whether most of us feel appreciated or not!! most people care predominately about themselves, not others and some even take a fancy putting others down- they don't try to make the rest of us feel good. if that's what we waited for we'd wait forever.

i don't see you getting better without therapy. but you seem to not want to get better.

 

I've been to multiple therapists. They don't help me. I honestly want someone ... gay man, lesbian, straight man, straight woman ....ANYONE!!! that they find me attractive enough to have sex with me.

 

I need a "coach" that can lead me in the direction of getting someone to actualy "want me" somehow.

 

Therapists can't come out in the field with you.

[RainyCoast]

Therapists can't come out in the field with you.

and they shouldn't either. a good one will teach you how to be ok walking the field on your own. i'm done here mate.

[Dougie_D]

Once I know that just "ONE PERSON" is interested in me... I would feel better...at least knowing that it was a possibility.

 

I just want a possibility in a situation! I've also am new in the job world. Never had a job until I was 24 and I was almost fired then...and I've had talks with my co-workers NOW, saying that my job might fire me if I don't get a certain "quota". I don't like that.

[Dougie_D]

Yeah.. I've gone to 3 and wasted almost 300 dollars. I need like the "best of the best" I have NO idea who that is. I need PROOF...not words. I don't by "faith" either.

 

I basically only trust ONLY someone that was in my EXACT situation.

[Minilogue]

Dougie_D this is one great big pity party. People have told you again & again on this board on how you can improve your chances with women! You do not take the advice that is given. You do not want to be helped, you just want a place where people feel sorry for you! You ignore everything I and others have told you in your earlier threads.

 

I'm also getting worried you might be gay going by your latest posts. Are you gay? That could explain the problem you have with women.

 

True love comes from the inside, and sometimes you have to change everything and I mean everything i.e looks & personality & diet & fitness & therapy to get where your going! Obviously what you have been doing is not working, so change something! Change anything! Do Yourself a favor for once and listen to what people are saying!

[Dougie_D]

Dougie_D this is one great big pity party. People have told you again & again on this board on how you can improve your chances with women! You do not take the advice that is given. You do not want to be helped, you just want a place where people feel sorry for you! You ignore everything I and others have told you in your earlier threads.

 

I'm also getting worried you might be gay going by your latest posts. Are you gay? That could explain the problem you have with women.

 

True love comes from the inside, and sometimes you have to change everything and I mean everything i.e looks & personality & diet & fitness & therapy to get where your going! Obviously what you have been doing is not working, so change something! Change anything! Do Yourself a favor for once and listen to what people are saying!

 

That's what I need.. the truth. Too actually "change everything". Not just a haircut, or weight. Majority of people in my past have said "just be yourself" and I really want to believe that, but I don't think it works. I really, really want it work. It would make me more confident knowing I was born a perfect person.

 

I want to be perfect, but I wasn't BORN perfect. and that's what bothers me. If you weren't a PERFECT HUMAN FROM BIRTH, you have to change SOMETHING about yourself. Why was I born NOT PERFECT? I was meant to shamed for life. I hate people that don't do anything and are treated like kings and queens. The ones that have to work for it weren't "blessed" and it was never "natural"... I'm talking about EVERYTHING. I was "blessed" with a good family, but that was it. I'm not over 6 feet with PERFECT GENES.

 

I'm getting real deep with my thoughts. I'm just letting you know.

 

It's like "makeup" I personally HATE girls that even wear that crap. If I'm in a relationship with you, eventually I'm going to see you without Makeup. So who the heck are trying to IMPRESS?!

[agent1607307371]

I need VALIDATION. Only the WORLD can treat that. If I'm not someone, I'm nobody...

 

Only you can validate yourself Dougie. Right now, everyone you meet could say "that Dougie, hell of a guy..." but one person would say "No, he's not for me" and you would focus on that one guy. Everyone does that to an extent, but you have to learn to put that one guy aside.

 

And external validation can go away. It's not something you get once and it stays forever.

 

 

How will you know when you are somebody? What's the criteria for that?

 

 

Dougie - perfection doesn't exist. Not in this world.

[bulletproof]

I've been to multiple therapists. They don't help me.

 

Then you need to find one who does.

 

I think it's interesting that people post here and claim they are in severe pain, absolute misery, and would do anything to fix it. But they never seem to want to do the work to find a therapist that could actually help them. Been to three? Then go to three more, or thirty more, until you find someone.

 

Regarding your original question, I think if I were louder than most due to a hearing deficiency, I would just say, Oh sorry, I'm hard of hearing, and leave it at that.

[tattoobunnie]

I was born and raised in NEW YORK, and when I go out of state, am told that I am loud, and I LOVE IT!!!!! Be proud that we're loud!!! I remember the first time I heard that, and I roll with it. I remember the first time I was told I was nasal, and had no clue what they meant.

 

It has nothing to do with your hearing - we are all loud! Who needs another timid quiet church mouse?!

 

I think you are just talking what they said to mean something. To me, it just sounds like you speak loudly. Now, if they tell you you're an a-hole, sleeze-ball, who's as dumb as a door, then be upset. But no, you're a New Yorker, so you're already awesome. DUH!

[poetryandlyrics]

Dude, you're speaking about your hearing? I'm hard of hearing. I'm very involved with the Deaf community. I would suggest to try to be involved so maybe you can build up your self esteem because basically, we just refuse to be considered lesser. Maybe you need that, in regard to your hearing. But word of caution if you join the Deaf community... We can be very, very, very blunt.

 

But seriously, I was told that Italians were dramatically loud, too, and you know what I did? I automatically went, "Italians are not dramatic!" In a very dramatic way. We just laughed afterwards. I think you need to learn to laugh at yourself. Be comfortable with yourself. I certainly am, and my hearing status is of no big deal. I love my Deafies.

[Minilogue]

Man... You have life so wrong. Crying about what you don't have never works. If you don't like who you are you need to change. Change is hard, very hard but you have to do it for your own sake. You have been coddled since birth by your family, you need to get out into the real world and make a break from your family. They will always b there for you, but you seriously need to look deep inside and find out what's wrong. Because your not happy, and that's no way to live your life.

 

There is no good idolizing what "other" people have, that's just a waste of your time. You are WHO YOU WANT TO be. So change for the better.

 

Please find a good therapist even if it takes you 30 times, you really need it.

[maccerz]

Absolutely nobody in this world is perfect! Pretty much everyone has to make efforts of some description to attract the opposite sex (or same sex). I think you have it all very black and white, like you were born totally imperfect and without a chance in the world and others were just incredibly lucky and born perfect.. this isn't how life works at all. I don't wanna sound mean cause I know you're going through a bad time but you need to stop this pity party, it's doing you no good. People in here are trying to help you, listen to them please they know what they're talking about.

I'm not sure about other girls but I personally wear make up for myself, it highlights my better features and makes me feel confident. I'm not wearing it for anyone else, however it also doesn't hurt when trying to attract other people but I don't see what's so wrong about any of that?

[jbananas]

Then you need to find one who does.

 

I think it's interesting that people post here and claim they are in severe pain, absolute misery, and would do anything to fix it. But they never seem to want to do the work to find a therapist that could actually help them. Been to three? Then go to three more, or thirty more, until you find someone.

 

Regarding your original question, I think if I were louder than most due to a hearing deficiency, I would just say, Oh sorry, I'm hard of hearing, and leave it at that.

 

You also kind of have to be open to the process too. Sounds like you go for an hour looking for a magical quick fix. A good therapist and the healing you need wont happen in an hour and it won't happen in a week. It's a long process, but you have to stop the interal chatter and let yourself be open to the fixes.

 

Also, NOBODY is born perfect. You are looking at external things, and external "perks" in other peoples lives, but you have no idea what they are fighting internally, or what they had to go through to get to where they are. Comparing your life to someone else's is not healthy.

 

You won't get validation from the world. You have to find it within yourself, and you have to learn to love yourself. Once you do, all the other things will begin to fall into place.