Did I lose him?

[tanya53]

Hi,

 

I met this guy 3 years ago, we were good friends and slowly started dating. Initially it started off well but later he became very possessive and cut me off from most of my friends and I realised I was totally dependant on him for everything. He was a bit dominating and egoistic but he is the best person if I surrender to him or be obey to what he says. I hate to say this but most of the times he was correct and logical.

My friends dint really like him and was asking me to move away from him as I deserve someone better and who will respect me for who I am. It was a roller coster ride for me with him. There were days when I felt 'this is the guy' and some days he would be so mean that I would want to run away. I was in a dilemma and this kept going for 2 years. He kept pressing me for a commitment which I dint give and in turn asked him to change his behaviour towards me. To be less aggressive, to be less tempered and basically to respect me a bit. But things dint change, but I never walked away from him. I kept giving him chances for him to change but I was with him as I liked being with him inspite of his miss-behaviours.

But now he says he had moved away from me and he had totally broken off from me, blames my dilemma for the breakup. I am clueless on what to do. I love him with all my heart but just wanted him to change a bit which was not too much to ask for. I couldnt move on without him in my life.

I tried going back to him but he is very clear about the breakup and wouldnt budge. He had left me in a state where i have no one around me and him gone too. Did i lose him? Is there a way I could get him to like me again?

 

-tanya.

[catfeeder]

It doesn't sound to me as though you've lost anything of value here. You've won the second chance to build a better future for yourself.

 

You will heal, and you will thank yourself for dodging that bullet.

 

Head high.

[greta96]

Wow talk about a blessing in disguise! You'd better pray that he keeps things broken up, and one day when you get over him and meet someone nice, you'll look back and see for yourself why I'm saying this.

 

You know what they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. You've been staying with him regardless of how badly he behave, so why would he even try to change? You accepted and rewarded bad behaviour, no wonder what you got was even more bad behaviour! And, even though it's counter-intuitive, men actually start resenting women who act like doormats. They lose every ounce of respect they may have had for them, get bored and sooner or later move on towards someone else, who knows how to stand up to them.

 

You may have thought that by accepting his horrible behaviour and still staying by his side showed love and loyalty and would make him change, but what happened was quite the opposite.

 

Him changing his mind would be the worst thing that could happen to you, because obviously you don't have the strength to stand up to him, so you'd go back to living the same miserable life (until he dumps you again).

 

Just work on yourself and make sure next time you meet another guy you'll know not to take any kind of bull**it and run away at the first red flag.

[lerenard]

You don't go back to him. You go to therapy and you learn how HEALTHY relationships work.

He wont change, they never do.

[tanya53]

Thank you catfeeder,greta and lerenard. I was in a confusion if this is the case in all the relationships or if mine is a special case. Looks like mine is abnormal and not a healthy one.