1st time

[dancergirl87]

i've decided to loose my virginity to this guy whom i find extremely attractive but isnt involved in any kind of relationship with me. i dont want a bf. the reason is that i dont want my emotions to get involved and when we break up (cuz usually high school relationships always end like that) i'd be extremely hurt and regret everything. from what other people have said about him he's extremely good in bed. i've never really been close to anyone. what does a guy want in a girl? like, knowing that she's never done anything before, what's he expecting? how do u get over the uncomfortable feeing? i'm thinking about playing some music in the background? maybe...?? lol. and omg. the whole lots of pain thing that every girl tells me about. how bad is it??

[amanda22]

why are you in such a rush? if you dont want a bf any time soon, why do you want to have sex? ur first time is something you'll remember forever and two people that love eachother should share. just because he is not ur boyfriend, doesnt mean you WONT get hurt and regret everything. I fell in love and had my first experience with my now ex bf, but i dont regret a thing and am glad i waited for someone that cherised me. now that i have had my romance speech, lets look at reality do you know how clean he really is? it sounds like he has been around with plenty girls. would you be ok with just being a tally score on his chart? what if you realize you like him and want more and he doesnt? what if he talks trash or starts rumors about you? i dont know what he is expecting, every guy is diff, if he is a 'player' he is just looking to get some and hope you dont become attached. are you sure you dont want to wait? it really is so much more incredible with someone you love. im worried youll end up feeling used. as for the pain, i didnt have any. it was just awkward. other girls say it hurts a little. i guess it depends how rough you do it and how wet you are (sorry to get graphic) and that only way to get around that uncomfortable feeling is getting to know him! and be comfortable around him and be comfortable with your own feelings. if you have doubts, you are not ready. again, why the rush???

[jenb]

you're asking all these questions that show you shouldnt do this. if you have to ask how to get over feeling uncomfortable, then you shouldnt be haveing sex with this guy, let alone be losing your virginity to him. you say you dont want an emotional connection with him or relationship. . . well sex will bring something like that--to you at least. why do you want to have sex with someone that "everyone" has told you about? doesnt sound very safe...or someone who you dont have "any kind" of relationship with?? umm, i strongly suggest just waiting to have sex till you are wtih someone you are comfortable with, trust and care about. i dont really get why you're so big on losing it right now anyways?? i just dont think you should do it. it may seem liek it will be fine and you'll be fine with it, but it wont be. i just really wouldnt, that's what i think.

[Vacuum]

I bet you are already developing feelings for this guy.

 

 

And why look at it so negatively? Maybe you could have a really good relationship with him and learn more about what you want in the long run.

 

Just because some high school things end tragically doesn't mean they all do.

 

Don't regret anything.

[dancergirl87]

as shallow as this sounds i dont want it to b w/ someone whom i'm going to think back in the future and go 'omg what was i thinking'. thats what i say about all my ex bfs cuz well... i really dont know what i was thinking.... but w/e thats not the point. in a few years my social status in life isnt going to be high school anymore. its going to be the real world. i dont want it to b w/ someone who's going to turn into some giant loser. i'm sorry, but i that bothers me. i think about the future. as for bob (yes, let's call him bob) his father's like the trump in the westcoast. so i know that i'm not going to be disgusted by who he becomes. i'm not sure if he's a 'player' but i could totally be wrong. there's a good and a bad side to everyone. and there's always the chance of me getting emotionally involved which would totally suck....

[Vacuum]

OK. Then.

 

I say do it. If you've thought it out and see it as the right thing to do than go for it.

[amanda22]

just cause his dad has got $$$ doesnt mean this guy, err...uh..bob isnt a total weiner (lol sorry bout the immiturity lol) ok well i still dont see why you are rushing, why now? you dont want to be a virgin why? A) your friends arent virgins and make fun of you? B) you want to know what to do or expect when you get a boyfriend and the time comes? C)curiosity... D) you wanna say you bagged bob? E)...what? why not wait for that time to come naturally?

[dancergirl87]

lol ok bob was a bad name... lol its just funny when u say stuff like 'so bob said blah blah blah' lol and he really is a pretty cool guy. he kinda has this whole 'rock star' badass kinda thing going on but he plays classical piano (like me) so its like classy rock star (?) lol

[skyteph]

How do you think you'll get "Bob" to have sex with you anyway?

Anyone that agree's to sleeping with someone they have no relationship of any kind with, has probably been with more girls then a matematician can count

[amanda22]

so it sounds like your hot for the guy and wouldnt be ashamed of telling your friends who you did it with ( bob awesome bob ) but for your first time are you sure? you still havent said why you are so eager for this...

[dancergirl87]

so it sounds like your hot for the guy and wouldnt be ashamed of telling your friends who you did it with ( bob awesome bob ) but for your first time are you sure? you still havent said why you are so eager for this...

 

in truth i dont know. i guess i'm curious... as for my friends... i dont think i'd ever tell them (except for my best friend who's totally metro) my girl friends and i dont see eye to eye on many things. they all tell me that bob isnt good enough for me. brains or looks. but there's something about him that makes me want him so bad. w/ every other guy its like 'eh' but w/ him its totally different. i guess u could say that i'm attracted to him (still) but i can't see myself having a relationship w/ him. i'd get so annoyed of him so quickly. the thing thats kept me from getting to know him before this year is that i guess i was a little intimidated by who he is. also it was because we go to one of the top private schools in southern california. his parents are part of the original founders of the school and mine are on the board of trustees. our school is like a bubble. everyone knows everyone else's private life. so i never got to know him b/c i didnt want it to get in the way of our parent's decisions when it came to our school's politics. it sounds lame, but yea.

 

 

thank u all for posting!!

[Kitz]

How do you think you'll get "Bob" to have sex with you anyway?

Anyone that agree's to sleeping with someone they have no relationship of any kind with, has probably been with more girls then a matematician can count

 

And has HIV as a result.

 

I dont get whats so special about virginity, myself. I'm a virgin, but yeah, if I "lose" my virginity to a wanker or the next donald trump, who really cares? Sex is natural. Its something people will do. I think people blow the importance of sex and virginity and doing it for the first time and stuff way out of proportion.

No one gives a fart about getting their earlobes pierced for the first time, no one thinks of them differently because they have their ears pierced, sure, you might regret it if you got a shiitty piercer but you'll get over it and it won't affect your life too much. Whats so different about losing your virginity?

[Jimbo10]

You don't want a b/f because you don't want to become emotionally involved, but wouldn't you think that the man who takes your viginity will have some emotional ties? I mean, this is something you won't forget. Just remember that before you rush.

[dancergirl87]

 

And has HIV as a result.

 

I dont get whats so special about virginity, myself. I'm a virgin, but yeah, if I "lose" my virginity to a wanker or the next donald trump, who really cares? Sex is natural. Its something people will do. I think people blow the importance of sex and virginity and doing it for the first time and stuff way out of proportion.

No one gives a fart about getting their earlobes pierced for the first time, no one thinks of them differently because they have their ears pierced, sure, you might regret it if you got a shiitty piercer but you'll get over it and it won't affect your life too much. Whats so different about losing your virginity?

 

that's the most interesting metaphor i've ever heard about sex. lol. but that makes me wonder. is the 1st time different than any other time?? and i think you're right. people do blow it out of proportion. what makes the 1st time so special??

[Vacuum]

WEll said kitz.

 

we have been conditioned to believe some things are sacred and others are not by our culture. when ALL THINGS are equally special or pointless at the same time.

[amanda22]

well you are going to do what you are going to do. just realize that things can get alot more complicated than you think. the whole thing about losing your virginity is hard to explain. it is just so intimate. im not all that comfortable being naked and spreading my legs for some guy i dont know. i see it as valuable. i wont just give it up to anyone cause they dont deserve it and prob wouldnt appreciate it as much as someone that loves me would. if you are comfortable and dont care then do it, but you dont REALLY know how it is going to affect you. you might regret it and what the hell, you might not. again think about pregnancy and std's and stuff. you cant take sex too lightly, its just not that easy.

[dancergirl87]

You don't want a b/f because you don't want to become emotionally involved, but wouldn't you think that the man who takes your viginity will have some emotional ties? I mean, this is something you won't forget. Just remember that before you rush.

 

ok. again, i'm gonna sound like a shallow little brat. it's because that i'm never going to forget it that i want it to b w/ someone whom i'm not going to be disgusted by in the future. and i guess it does form a kind of bond between us even though i dont want to be emotionally involved. but it might not b that bad in the future.... maybe... (?)

[jenb]

i think it's ridiculous you compared getting your ears peirced to sex. i still stand on what i first told you, but i guess you keep coming back with excuses to doing this so whatever. again. . . ridiculous, but be careful. think about all these things people have said to you. i think you should respect yourself more than this and just wait....

[Heretic]

My first and I broke off on very good terms, we still talk and love each other very much. We're no longer sexual with each other but a bond is always there. Something no one can take away from us.

 

You have to choose carefully, if you really feel this is the guy then go for it.

 

Just remember this is something you can only give away once, make sure the person receiving it appreciates that.

 

I hope this helps.

[Vacuum]

Heres a thought,

 

Who said Bob wanted to have sex with you anyways?

Maybe he doesn't want to, and considers it a big deal like some people do.

[Cecelius]

To whoever said that all things are equally worthless and priceless at the same time, that's terribly poetic, but one thing IS certain: the less faith people have in the "specialness" of things, the less special they will be. Its a self-fulfilling prophesy.

 

So what if its a societal conditioning process? If it has value of any kind, why intentionally deprive it of its value?

 

I bet if you really, really tried to eat pizza 5 times a day for the next 3 years, you wouldn't think pizza was that special either.

 

Anyway, to the original poster I'd just say that you should read up and down these boards about women who feel like they wasted it on the wrong time, etc. and that no matter what else, most women wish they'd waited. Granted it may not be that big a deal, but a LOT of life is not that big a deal.

 

Why intentionally create one more anti-climactic, non-event?

[ladyc]

It is not JUST a question of "the first time" although "firsts" always have something special about them, and yes we tend to remember them always, for good or bad. Sex is emotional intimacy as well as physical and something to be shared with someone you love or at least have feelings for. It can be the most intimate experience two people can share. dancergirl - you definitely don't sound like you're ready for this experience. Don't devalue it by having sex with someone just because he's "cool" or because you want to be like everyone else. If this is the message you get from your peers, then that's very sad. And the person who compared having sex to getting piercings demonstrated a very immature understanding of what it's about. I guarantee that in 20 years when you're teenage daughter is thinking about sex, you won't tell her that it's no more important than getting a piercing!!

[Kbelles]

listening to you, i think your ready. you sound like you know what you want, and seem to be very adamant about it. i lost my virginity under similar circumstances AND I REGRET NOTHING.

 

i thought my first time was great. i had no relationship with him but had known him for a few years prior. he was my ex-best friend's brother and i had ALWAYS thought he was REALLY HOT. when the opportunity came (we're both college students in my room watching tv) i took it. it was really intense though no passion was invoved. he was a 'player' too, by the way and had been with more girls than i could count. i knew this beforehand and made sure we used protection (always do this).

 

my reasoning: i was tired of being a virgin and i wanted to see what sex was like. i felt i was ready for it and i knew i was HIGHLY attracted to (lets call him 'Kevin') Kevin. and on top of that, kissing and toching with him was putting me in the 'mood' to be quite honest. i just let things happen and didnt fight them.

 

dont let people make you feel bad for wanting to explore your sexuality. yes, its nice when you can do it with someone you care about but just because you dont wont necessarily make the experience a bad one. because think about all the people who did it with their boyfriends whom they truly cared about and had a terrible first time with ( i know MANY of them). right now, im involved with someone i love and care about and the sex is great because of that and i have intensity AND passion. so its up to you to weigh the pros and cons about what you want.

 

and honestly, i think JENb is wrong to say that you wont respect yourself if you do it with him. self-respect comes from the self (from within). no act you participate in can make you lose your self-respect unless YOU stop respecting YOURSELF. so go ahead and follow your heart and head (wherever that leads you) and know that the consequences/benefits of your actions are because of your OWN decisions and not the opinions of someone else

[dancergirl87]

Heres a thought,

 

Who said Bob wanted to have sex with you anyways?

Maybe he doesn't want to, and considers it a big deal like some people do.

 

lol. funny you asked that. not to sound arrogant or anything, but i'm one of the hottest girls at my school. i'm one of those girls who has brains, looks, and even though i'm nice and friendly to (almost) everyone, people have told me that i have this attitude that mades guys feel insignificant around me. like how i was first intimidated by bob most of the guys at my school are intimidated by me. i started modeling a while back so i guess that kind of adds on to the intimidation. so basically i'm one of those girls that guys think about but know that they dont have a chance. ok, so back to "Who said Bob wanted to have sex with you anyways?". simple answer. he did.

[justagirl20f]

It might hurt if you're not used to using tampons or whatever. Other than that? Not a heck of a lot. I don't REGRET my first time, but thinking back on it it wasn't half as "special" as sex with my BF now is. But it couldn't have been! It was a relationship on a totally different level, as this would be. If you're ready I honestly don't think that you're going to be ruined forever by this guy... Except from a disease standpoint maybe?

 

When you do meet someone you fall in love with, that sex will be very different from the sex you have any other time. I don't think that virginity is an important thing to preserve as long as you're ready to do it in the here and now, and can't se yourself regretting it in the future.

 

 

 

 

that's the most interesting metaphor i've ever heard about sex. lol. but that makes me wonder. is the 1st time different than any other time?? and i think you're right. people do blow it out of proportion. what makes the 1st time so special??